|Reviews for The Beginning of the End|
| Starwars55 chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
Ok, desperate need of appropriate comas here, and some better transition words. I feel like random bits of info are being thrown at me, the sentences need to fit together well.
It could be a format problem, but your large blocks are rather intimidating. You need to split them up into smaller paragraphs.
REALLY need some comas in there.
But keep improving, and keep writing.
| AbCarter chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
I don't really see how this story ties in with the A-Team. Zeus seems to be a one man army and doing fine on his own. Why would he need the A-Team's help?
Try not to put all the speech and action into the same paragraph. When a different person starts to speak or act break for a new paragraph. That makes the story easier to read.