|Reviews for To Life!|
| K2Lover2226 chapter 4 . 3/11/2013
DA and carlos are awesome
| treatster chapter 1 . 7/29/2011
DON'T BLOW UP THE INTERNET!
Okay, now that I got that out of my system...
When he first called Ms. Frizzle "Mom", I couldn't help but laugh.
And when Carlos said, "You're crazy, I think we'll get along just fine" I nearly laughed myself to death!
| Atarah Derek chapter 3 . 11/30/2010
I figured he had to be adopted. It just didn't make sense that he would be Ms. Frizzle's biological son.
I noticed that on the birth certificate, you gave Ms. Frizzle's name as Mrs. Valerie Frizzle. I assume you go with the theory that she's divorced? Will there be a back story to that? Maybe the reason she adopted Jeremiah was to help heal not just his wounds, but also those she had buried? Or...
Maybe, just maybe, Jeremiah is the son of Valerie's ex, who moved to the Netherlands and remarried (or had a kid with his girlfriend). And when the ex and his wife/gf died, Valerie felt obligated to adopt their son. Just throwing out some guesses, here.
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/31/2010
Awesome second chapter. I especially liked the details in the fight scene. Keep on writing these cool ideas. You're not losing my interest in this story for a minute! :D
| WhereDidYouGo chapter 2 . 9/5/2010
sweet story _ Good job!
| Anise Nalci chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
I appreciate the good grammar, spelling and punctuation in your fic. I adore that you put so much thought into descriptions but I must admit that this chapter seems a little plotless. Since it's a beginning chapter, I'll forgive you... Especially since you have really good writing! )
| Atarah Derek chapter 1 . 6/27/2010
Your descriptions are richly detailed, but your wording tends to get repetitive. You need to watch out for that.
I'm not going to judge Jeremiah as a Marty Stu. He's a pure-blooded Frizzle, so there's no way on God's green earth he'll be able to dodge the Marty Stu label completely. But what I'm anxious to learn is why the Friz never mentioned having a son the same age as her students, or why she shipped him halfway around the world for school. Is his father Dutch? Do Valerie and her ex-beau have joint custody, even though they were obviously never married (given that Jeremiah bears his mother's surname)?
One last thing to nitpick and I'll let you continue your writing. Valerie Frizzle's eyes are green. This is confirmed mainly in the books, but in one TV episode, they do show her eye color, albeit through a blue-tinted lens. But there's enough green in her irises in that shot to conclude that they are a very vivid green normally.
| Shootapsky chapter 1 . 6/27/2010
This seems like an interesting beginning, and the inclusion of Ms. Frizzle's son is an original touch. I very much appreciated Jeremiah's little Dutch blurb and the riddle from Alice in Wonderland. However, you seem to be getting too caught up in details and elaborating on every little character trait and action, which can bog down your writing (trust me, I used to do the same thing, but eventually figured out that it didn't add much of substance and only made me focus on all the wrong details). And you seem to be a bit too concerned with keeping the characters recognizable - duplicating their third-grade outfits, barely making them any more mature, etc...They're in high school; they've grown up; their tastes, hobbies, and appearances would inevitably change. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you keep the fundamental personality traits the same.
Not to say that your writing isn't impressive; it is, especially considering your age (yes, I took a look at your homepage). Just trying to offer a little constructive criticism that could help make it even better. Your first chapter is promising, and so far your OC is too. Good job.