|Reviews for Broken|
| Revolation chapter 3 . 5/4/2013
Oh wow. This is actually an original take on the Tatsuki becomes arancar plot idea. Great work!
| Revolation chapter 1 . 7/26/2011
wow. finally a decent tatsuki story
| Eduard Kassel chapter 8 . 7/1/2011
'Even more opponents?
It wasn't a kind smile, but it wasn't a malicious one either. Honestly, Ichigo didn't know what to make of her.'
Lots of opponents are to be expected when you invade. You would think he would know that from the Soul Society invasion.
It may be love, but I think its the kind of love you need to be wary about receiving. "Expecting the worse of others is a sin, bit it is rarely a mistake." I don' recall who said that.
'The last thing Ichigo had expected Arrancar to be.'
Considering the Arrancar he interacts with the most hardly surprising: Grimmjow, Yammy, Di Roy, and Uliqourra(not crude but blunt in this case).
'It didn't appear as though she wanted to speak to the Quincy at all.'
I imagine they are the one things hollows hate more than shinigami. Personally looking at the facts the Quincy genocide seems justified, after all they were obliterating souls. Hardly any hollows are shown condemned to hell, and that's not even considering the other souls eaten by the hollow. And they were hardly necessary, the shinigami did the same job with less grave consequence, the Quincy could be considered more malign than Hollows in my opinion.
'She almost looked as though she was... in love? No way. No, it had to be something else. Some other explanation.'
He's so amusing when off kilter.
Superb reaction to a bombshell lad. Well done! kahahahaha
"We can't both be right. You either are Tatsuki or you're not."
Kurosaki, you left behind the world of simple answers when you let a pretty girl stab you with her pretty sword.
"The truth is. When Yammy absorbed me and everyone else, he tried to make our souls a part of him. I didn't remember it at first, but I do now. When we were inside of him I felt him trying to pull at our very being, our personality apart. But I didn't want disappear. I didn't want to fade away, not before I had gotten a chance to..." She trailed off.
"Before you had gotten a chance to what?" Ichigo asked.
"I just didn't want to die." It wasn't the real reason, but for now it would have to do. "Both Cyris and I split away from Yammy's body. We stole some of his power and became separate beings. A lot of my memories are gone now. But I could still remember you clearly. I remembered your face. It was all that has kept me from becoming a real monster."
Thanks for the clarification. I take it she doesn't realize Yammy partially succeeded resulting in the twin state? I could see Yammy being mocked over this later in some prebattle trash talk.
And yet, the memory of him is what makes her most monstrous.
Hmm, for all her maturity she quickly breaks down those barriers with him.
'Layna didn't appear to like the idea.'
That seem the core of it. I think Tatsuki might be reluctant to help someone that was a potential threat, but she wouldn't abandon someone like Layna is contemplating.
Have to go, fiish later.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 7 . 6/29/2011
'Sometimes Inoue would try to convince herself that the Arrancar cared about her well-being. It was a trick to keep her hope up. To find something positive in this place that held no color.'
Well put. While I am not a fan of that pairing I am not really opposed either. It will be interesting to see what, if any, way you chose to interpret it.
The entire affair had only lowered her moral even further.
'They would talk to each other. The way they talked reminded Inoue of the bullies that used to pick on when she was little. She never reacted to either of them, deciding that they would go away if she just ignored them.'
They are bullies, but that is a bad idea. They require no reason to hate, doing nothing is no solution against that. Rather their egos require them to interpret that as a snub, fueling their anger. I doubt it worked with the school bullies, that why Orihime needed her dragon.
'At first Layna seemed to take insult to the remark, but when she could see how truly happy the girl was to see her, she couldn't stay angry. "Whatever." She replied. But a part of her wondered if this girl really used to be her friend. Layna felt that Orihime was an enemy to her. However the love that the other felt for her was overwhelming. It just seemed so hard to believe that Inoue loved her so much while she hated her in turn. Something did not add up.'
Fascinating Yin-Yangs come to mind, while each half is predominately one color a piece of the opposite color exists on each side. Divided, but neither half purely different.
'Her rivalry with Orihime was one of the cornerstones of her reality. Having that cornerstone moved and changed was something her mind just couldn't accept. She lowered her head and took in several labored breaths. "I understand now." She softly laughed. "You know that he'll chose me in the end. That's the real reason you're telling me this. You just don't want to lose. Isn't that right!" Her eyes became wide as she pushed her face almost against Inoue's.'
But darkness does predominate. Layna has the darker half of Tatsuki's competitive edge. The victory being more important than the lead up. And like Tatsuki her pride can't accept a forfeit as a legitimate victory, indeed to her it is like cheating. Orihime is like Ichigo at the gateway fight, sometime the moral high ground only inflames situations.
And its not even that here. Orihime is blaming herself and trying to sacrifice for Tatsuki out of guilt. I am not sure how to phrase what i think this is.
'They'd all be together again and happy.'
This is why Orihime's powers are scary.
Love the Chad fight. He is my favorite Ryoka character, the big guy needs more love. His fights usually are better because they are more unpredictable. I mean Ichigo always wins so he hardly passes for an underdog, and if he looses he wins the rematch. Chad though keeps coming even after asskicking, he is worthy of respect. When Ichigo and Zaraki tied my opinion of Bleach fell significantly.
'Shawlong and Illfort gave each other one look before they gave chase.'
Chasing him after that display, significant.
'Iceringer glared at him, but then smiled. "Hmpf. Well... beating Demora is one thing. But I'm a bit stronger than he was. How would you like to see my transformation?"'
And all he cares about is proving superiority.
"Put on that mask again."
Very Tatsuki like, wanting nothing less than the best game her opponent can bring to the ring.
"Cyris." Shawlong spoke up. "This is foolish. We have him where we want him. We should finish him now that we can. It's too dangerous to let him go."
"This place is going to collapse." Shawlong replied as he crouched down next to Illfort, ready to lift him up. "Cyris, we need to get out of here."
A true pack indeed. Though i think Shawlong may be the leader. Then Again Cyris is the soul of it. What does that make Ilfort?
"You really are a disgrace. I'm ashamed to call you my sister."
Hm, have they acknowledged that relationship like this before.
"At least I had fun." She remarked.
Error, and she sets herself p as one of the Arrancar to die gracefully. Even though she survived.
| darkmachines chapter 10 . 6/29/2011
Great chapter! I really hope Dordoni is Ok. As for Szayel, I really hate him using Rudobon and his Exequias. I also really like Rudobon too. Please keep up the awesome work and I'm happy that Shawlong and Yylfordt are still Ok.
| darkmachines chapter 9 . 6/28/2011
Thing are getting intersecting. Also can you please keep the Privaron espada Dordoni, Cirucci, and Gantenbainne alive because I really like them and their not really that evil at all.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 6 . 6/27/2011
'She hadn't told anyone.'
This is a major reason I like your story, this opening paragraph shows such human emotion. A character doesn't always do the right thing. And that doesn't make them evil. Orihime is so confused about everything, and scared. Losing Tatsuki was losing her rock, and now she has her back in a way but the roles are so changed.
"Just like a weak little princess that everyone wants to pamper."
Ah, it reminds me of Loly and Menoly. And a bully is the opposite of what Tatsuki is in essence. A Princess defending dragon, not a weak brigand that makes sport of those weaker. Layna has the body and mind, but the soul, essence, etc of Tatsuki are in Cyris.
"They were in the way. It's that simple." The Hollow replied.
I think you were deliberate in your wording here. She is very hollow here, having the appearance but lacking the essence that made her who she was. PErhaps it is selfishness and Id that she possesses, that could fit with her possessive 'love'.
According to Loly they were all really ugly and dumb. Layna would have mixed herself in the conversation if she cared one way or another. But it all meant nothing to her. She didn't really care about Hallibel or her fracciones. Heck, she wasn't even sure she cared about Loly and Menoly.
Such pettiness from those two. its hard to understand these things, its like choosing to drink poison I think. But is Layna's apathy worse? I think it may be, after all hatred is not the opposite of love, apathy is. The betrayal is the darkest sin because true betrayal requires a true trust to be broken. Those who can hate, can also love.
"So, what is she like? She must be a really pathetic ugly cow. Right?" Loly asked.
It makes so little sense, deriding strangers. To build yourself up by tearing them down is like hppiness from a drug, illusion lacking substance. All it does in truth is poison.
You write well to get these kinds of responses.
"You think you're better than us. Don't you? I find it hard to ignore your arrogance." Iceringer glared at her as he spoke those words. "Aizen left us in charge here. We don't need you here."
There it is again.
By contrast the trio of Cyris, Shawlong andd Illfort seem at ease with each other. They actually are working together for something. Cyris cares about them, and I think they may care as well since she accompanies them in their downfall. Cyris is also enjoying herself more as a failure of sorts in the desert than her sister does in Las Noches with the cream of the crop.
Just look at Shawlong trying to calm things, that's not apathy.
'Both Illfort and Shawlong, who was watching from above, sweat dropped.'
'The red haired Arrancar smirked and leaped back.'
That is certainly Tatsuki like.
"Those were poorly chosen words Human." Shawlong explained as he stepped forward first. "There is no way I can keep them from attacking now."
He does care. You are to be respected putting such effort into a little used character.
I like how you altered the first battle. I especially didn't see Cyris vs Chad coming. I wonder if she will offer opinions on his hollow powers?
| xxxroxyxxx chapter 8 . 12/22/2010
Interesting take on what Tatsuki's become. I like it! Update soon please!
| Drake G. Reaper chapter 8 . 12/18/2010
Awesome story looking forward to Layna and Cirus returning to the human world with the gang and seeing what happens to the two arrancar when they come into contact with Tatsuki's body. Will they both fuse and return to Tatsuki's body or will Tatsuki's body awaken and become an arrancar when she comes in contact with the two. :D
| Nasha Rei-Kun chapter 8 . 12/10/2010
Well, bravo, and I have to say that this is one very impressive piece of work you have going on here.
The character development is sllight choppy, but this is still in its early stages.I happy you didn't go straight into a confession, for that would have tipped me off, in a bad way. I had a feeling that cyris was tatsuki's 'strong' side, for the most part, it was kinda obvious from the beginning. Layna is the more feminine part of tatsuki's personality, while cyris is the more outgoing part of it, more 'tomboyish' if you will.
The plot could be a little less obvious, but you could have played on the time between them going to hueco mundo, and first meeting the arrancar differently. You should have strained it a bit to give more time to have the character's develop more. You could have made a back story for menoly, and loly, and given them more of a prominent part in this. But this is all just from a personal perspective, and I still love your story the way it is.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 5 . 11/30/2010
Not surprised Grimmjow fired those two. Surprised Ilfort made it. Wonder if his brother will come into play differently because of it?
Tosen seems to approve of Layna.
The arrancar measuring scene was interesting. Usurpringly one of the twins ranks as an Espada, and she seems to have to Fracciones in the wings. Wonder Loly and Menoly will develop differently with a mentor?
Loved Gin tweaking Luppi, people tend to asume they were friends because of an offhand comment. That other fellow promises to be interesting.
Felt sorry for Cyris, first she gets shot down for her attemopt at girl power then humilates herself by not making the Esopada cut. At least she is stronger than Loly and Menoly. Though that flare Layna noticed will be significant I am certain.
Perhaps she will become Grimmjows fraccion?
And some promising developments with Chad, one of my favorite characters.
The encounter with Starrk wwas such a teasing moment. I was hoping she would encounter Lillinette and be invited into Starrk's fracciones. Lillinette wants a pack and Cyris would be like an annoying older sister with their similar traits. Still Starrk tries to offer sage advice, I can't wait until Cyris discovers he is the sytrobgest Espada(Yammy is not worthy of that title).
Is that affectyionate physical contact from Loly? Hmm, so she is the only one obsessed in this version. And Layna does care about her sister, very well done.
And now Orihime is coming to Los Noches, this may be a bad combination if Loly and Menoly see this rival to their mistress and Aizen's attention as even more of a punching bag. It also may trigger a protector instibct in Cyris.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 4 . 11/25/2010
Shawlong lives! I love it when less used characters get emploted top eefect in stories. I consider that one of the great assets of the fanfiction genre.
Inouwe actually sensed Tatsuki, I was expecting her to recognize LAyna, but reiatsu is something else. The plot thickens with Layna bein the opposite of Tatsuki in action. Seeing Inoue as an enemy rather than a dear friend to defend at all costs. Feel sorry for the lass. She may actually go to Hueco Mundo voluntarily in the hopes of meeting Layna again.
I wonder how Ichigo will react to the news that Tatsuki lives on as a soldier of the enemy? Though knowing him it will just fuel his desire for strengthto force reality to accomodate his belief's.
Layna seems to be getting on Director General Tosen's good side. So her power is sandbased, wonder what her release will look like.
I wonder if Cyris will become a Fraccion to Grimmjow with his ranks decimated? Though she may be seen as too weak for him since Rangiku was beating her despite having been injured by Nakim.
Nice part with Chad, pretty much OTL, so I am guessing this means he will play a prominent role in your tale. Since his powers are Hollow based it could be interesting to see hi interact with Arrancar more.
Ichigo's fight with Grimmjow will be even more intense if he is trying to reclaim part of Tatsuki from the Sexta. Those two are siliar, perhaps that is why Cyris is interested in Grimmjow?
| Eduard Kassel chapter 3 . 11/19/2010
I thought they would have some interest to Aizen. He may be a sociopath but he truly does seem a curious individual.
Layna(good name), seems the more stable. Her romantic feelings towards Kurosaki will be troublesome. Her Hollow nature may result in a more primal kind of romantic pursuit, killoing rivals, proving herself strong to him etc. Strange though that Orihime does not appear.
Cyris, I like her. It would seem she possesses the drive that made Tatsuki the runner up champ in her sport. Her reclessness in regard to Yammy is amusing, she is definitely not a coward arrancar like that menos **** who pretended to be true a Espada while having to wear another's face. She seems drawn to Grimmjow, perhaps anbother round about draw to Kurosaki?
I wonder if Cyris will recall ORihime at some point? It seems reasonable that if some memories remain that sisterly bond would shine through in some manner.
Yammy, doe not get fracciones. Only the cool Espada do, and yes I am not putting the Quatro on that list. I have nothing against him, but he just doesn't really impress me like several other arrncar characters.
Well well, divergence at Grimmjow's raid? The butterfly flaps its wings!
Will inoue become truly stronger with the iron at her heels so to speak? She is aiming in the wrong direction with Yammy, but still i would love to see the power of the solitary cutter unleashed. I appreciate pacifism, but one should take up arms even if afraid of them to protect others; yet another reason I prefer Rukia over Inoue.
| Kitsune6 chapter 8 . 11/19/2010
Wow. This is a messed-up story.
I like the pairing though. Good writing.
Keep up the great work. )
| Eduard Kassel chapter 2 . 11/19/2010
Congratulations brute, its a pair of girls!
I am guessing Tatsuki's soul has split like Starrk forming two seperate individuals. Red I am guessing isthe ID equivalent with her impulsive acts, but then again she is smart enough to give in too overwhelming force. Blue seems to have emotional memory, possibly the superego dominates. Her integration into Las Noches may be problematic.
I always did like pairing Rukia with Ichigo. Orihime seems to lack the will to keep that impulse driven fool in line. This is just another example of her fixing him up. Though Tatsuki could also do the job.
Does he suspect the reason her body does not die is because the soul has been reborn under the broken mask? Even if he did force the soul back can it truly be reunited now that two individuals have emerged? Perhaps Orihime could do it rejecting the seperation, but would she willing to in a way kill two people like that?