|Reviews for Breaking and Entering|
| SnowCatTam chapter 6 . 2/21/2012
Hi Wolf Warrioress, I like your story very much. You just hit right on the nail with the story development ( original) and Jarlaxle/Kimmuriel be in character. I look forward to see what happens to Nadina/Kimmuriel, their interactions and dialogues are fluid and meaningful that said I vote for the soft/ to implied approach to the next chapter development however whatever you write or decide will be good! Please keep writing would love to see some closure whatever it happens to the charcters you have a good style!
| Sihlryn chapter 6 . 1/18/2012
Très intéressante histoire sur mon perso préféré des RO, Kimmuriek. Bien écrite, assez réaliste, mes compliments !
| Yulandia chapter 6 . 11/14/2011
WOOOT! Sorry this has been so long in coming, but we moved and I had no computer for a while. And me trying to text a review turned out to be even more catastrophic thatn my regular typing. I gave up and decided to wait.
I really liked this chapter. I love going into thier heads. I liked her angry reaction, throwing the candlestick, after the startling look at herself. Resignation, frustration. It seems sh'e s becoming more used to his reading her thoughts - or at least less surprised by it. I really liked this line though:
"What she wouldn't give to make him taste some of the humiliation she choked on every day." It's powerful and filled wiht so much frustration and resentment. I'm glad that the rings made it back too. It's nice to know more about them and to get a description. I wonder if they change over time if they are representative of a person's history and personality. Hmm.
GAHH he thinks she's so pretty and she thinks she's a monster now. Will he ever tell her what he thinks of her? About how she looks to him? Or even how he appreciates her hard work?
I find it interesting that he realizes soemthing is wrong with her, but doesn't really know what it is. It's kinda fun to see him all confused and in new territory wiht her. I really liked that he can be gentle and thoughtful too, like when he stopped his advance and stroked her hair instead.
Thank you for filling in some drow cultural details for her. I'ts also good for her to see that not all drow feel the same way about things either. Poor Nadina indeed... oh and that last line: Here, in Bregan D'aerthe, I have power, and my own will, and I am free. Which would you rather have?" He shoud be picking up a resounding echo in her head as she thinks the same thing when comparing her life as a "prisoner" in the Underdark to the life she had, where she used to have power, her own will, and freedom. He stepped right into that one.
As for answering your question about he rating change and love scene, well maybe you should write both as another reviewer has suggested, and post the one you like best. I think that maybe a very light to implied scene would fit more if only because that has been the style up to now. The intimacy details you have supplied up to now have been very detailed - in their thoughts, light touching of the hands as they explore thier "rings", kissing and gentle caresses. Perhaps light to implied wiht a continued focus on thier thoughts and sensory details as opposed to any particular act would fit. They both have certinaly thought about it quite a bit. I'm really interested in the dialogue that gets them there. I really don't know though what to choose LOL. I would be happy reading whatever you put out there! :) Please keep it coming! :D
| general zargon chapter 6 . 10/27/2011
I think you are definitely keeping Kimmuriel in character, and I like his interaction with Nadina! Also, I vote for the light lemon option! :) I think you got all the important drow facts right, though I'm feeling sorry for Nadina, since she's the one trying to actually wrap her head around how the dark elves think. Also, I loved that little mention you did of the gray dwarves thinking that Nadina was a drow female! :P Please keep up the excellent work and update soon!
| elvenlemonade chapter 6 . 10/19/2011
I am happy to see that this fanfic is updated :)
And now answers to your question:
I think you keep Kimm in character. He is cold, rational and logical, who doesnt understand Nadines emotional side))
About M rating... I agree that it depends how these scenes would be pictured, but personally I vote for implied one scenes)
p.s there are some minor flaws in your text (Like he at first is holding a pen, but later a quill in his hands), but they are minor))
| Illayne chapter 6 . 10/13/2011
Yipee, more Kimmy! :)
The answers to your quiestions:
Yup, I think you are keeping Kimmuriel in character. He is the way I imagined him from RAS' books.
M-rating... Hmm, not sure. I have nothing against M rated stories in general (read quite a number of them, ha-ha), but... I sort of don't think it fits with this particular story. Maybe it's be best if you just implied things. Can't really say without seeing it written, though. It doesn't seem to fit with the story as it is now, but then I don't know what you had planned. Just a suggestion - why don't you write bothand keep them both a sort of - end A. and end B. Your choice, anyway. Just post it soon. ;)
| Rainbow Pierrot chapter 5 . 7/26/2011
i looove this story, thanks for the update! the romance was soo cute, i cant wait for the next chapter :D
| artyz chapter 5 . 7/26/2011
I really enjoyed reading your fanfic and I can't wait to see next chapter)
i think for Kimm it is better to sleep with her as soon as possible)). First of all, Nadi is occupying his thoughts all the time, when he must have his mind clear as psyonic. Otherwise, he might become vulnerable for sudden attacks). And second, in drow opinion, he is weakling if he can't harm her and take what he wants. I hope no one in Bregan d'aerth will find out that their commander has kind heart)
| Yulandia chapter 5 . 7/22/2011
WOOOOOT! OMG You updated! CLEARLY I need to check my email more often! Oh and hey jsut apologizing in advance for all the typos coming your way right now! :)
ahhh Kimmuriel... Part of me feels a bit sorry for him for losing control of his thoughts and dreams, but is he really? :) Nadina's subconscious spoke to her through her drawings. It seems to me that his subconscious merely removed the filters it no longer perceived as necessary, so now he gets to deal wiht all the wonderful circling thoughts from both thier confused heads.
I really liked how this chapter focused mainly on his thoughts and perceptions this time, and how he kinda came to grips with the possibility of half-drow children as a form of triumph. Hmmm so losing one's family as part of 'the drow way' truly wasn't OK wiht him. He was angered. Hehe did he give any thought to HOW she would raise the children? I would imagine Lolth would play no part in her parenting whatsoever. Neither would whippings or torture, or a priestess nanny. HA! I also imagine that Kimmuriel would likely be secretly pleased by this as well – to refuse another 'drow way' that brought him unhappiness as a child. And that Jarlaxle would actually support him in this. Or even be envious? Hmmm.
Your focus on his perceptions is great. Kimmuriel's abilities are a natural part of him, yet so rarely come into play in literature. Maybe because he usually appears with Jarlaxle, who has magical defenses against them. I like how you include them here and how they are used incidentally throughout the day and at different levels – from full thought gathering to physical feelings or surface impressions. His abilities give him the unique ability to navigate his movements, actions and words very carefully in this relationship.
It was good to see them working extremely together well, and it was nice that they both seems to enjoy the productive time together.
It would be neat to see more of her impressions of these few days together. She knows he reads her thoughts. And that any thought is fair game. So will she try to walk on eggshells from now on? Everyone BUT Kimmuriel relies on verbal communication a great deal. I'm thinking she is going to have to ask for answers or confirmations from him if she wants to know something – making herself vulnerable by putting her fears out there – still not thinking that he already knows what those fears are.
I like how he kissed Nadina while she was sleeping. It's a first step in his acceptance of his feelings and thoughts. Satisfying curiosity without the possibility of rejection or (perhaps worse?) disgust from her.
And now that he's kissed her again and she's completely confused, I'm really curious how's she's handling the whirlwind of confusion and feelings, both emotional and physical! It made me smile that Kimmuriel thought it went well. Indeed. She didn't slug him across the face. No drow backlash. It seems his chances with her are still good! :)
This is great! Please-o-please keep it coming! :D
| Kanokirri chapter 5 . 7/19/2011
I'm enjoying this so far, you're very talented in your writing and I can see this going pretty far. One thing though, you keep changing your tenses -you go from a storytellers view, past tense to a present tense a few times. This whole thing so far has been in third person omniscient, meaning you as the author know everything that's going on. You need to keep it consistent so people don't get lost. An example is how you started chapter 5 with 'tonight, Kimmuriel" Because the story is mostly past tense, it should be something like "This night, Kimmuriel" But other than that this is a wonderful read and I'm looking forward for more. Happy writing!
| A Ninny Mouse chapter 5 . 7/17/2011
Aww, Kimmuriel is thinking naughty thoughts! Shame on him!
I loved the kiss though. A little bit tacky, what with whole 'in a storeroom' thing, but with enough of a mix of emotions, descriptions, and foreshadowing, with the kiss while Nadina was asleep, to make it not seem totally cliche. And wow, that is a really long sentence.
And Kimmuriel was reading her thoughts again. Bad Kimmuriel! Haha, I just got a flash of Nadina somehow punishing him for that, like with a practical joke or something. My personal favorite prank is short-sheeting a bed. Let's see some Happy Kimmuriel!
Just some more suggestions, if you feel like using them Thanks for the shout out, it really means a lot!
| A Ninny Mouse chapter 4 . 7/15/2011
Yaaaaay! You updated and made my day! I love how this is progressing slowly, and I kept thinking back to that scene with Kimmuriel and Nadina holding hands. It was a really neat mix of emotions.
I also love the way Kimmuriel listens to her thoughts to find her wondering about kids and how she's pretty much a virgin for life.
Wait, is she a virgin? THAT would be interesting, Kimmuriel listening to her thoughts and finding her thinking of a past lover, or boyfriend, or something.
I think it would be kind of interesting if, as they grow closer, Nadina maybe starts getting flashes of what Kimmuriel is thinking while he reads her mind.
Well, it's your story, do what you will with it, as long as you UPDATE!
| Mog chapter 4 . 6/3/2011
| elvenlemonade chapter 4 . 5/15/2011
I was afraid you abandoned your fic and that we, readers, will never see an update. So, needless to say how happy I was to see new chapter?
Anyway, keep writing))
| danoman66 chapter 4 . 5/10/2011
Think you are doing a great job with this. I find it very funny to see Kimmuriel all confused. Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading.