Reviews for insert cheesy title here
Zuchiku chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
I'm glad you wrote this, I have been a lot of stories lately (Gohan/Videl) but rarely any that show Videls live. It's also refreshing that Hercule told Videl and the reasoning why he did what he did compared to most other fictions where he's mean. Personally it feels like Hercule is kind of a buffer in the series because he's human, he has no superhuman powers, he has flaws and yet he's brave in his own ways, especially in the Buu-saga. During DBZ the power of the characters grew so much that it's almost nice to have Hercule there to put things in perspective.
dbzqueens chapter 1 . 3/16/2012
I loved this. Awesome job. I really never pictured Videl's life like this, but, I'm glad you wrote this, it allowed me to see both Videl and Hercule in a whole new light, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Great job, I'll be adding this to my favorites list!
Kitten Kisses chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
The only way a test like this REALLY works is to put it on an account that isn't attached to your name. Basically, I saw your name and knew you were attempting a test.

Honestly, though, if this wasn't written by you, I'd have never clicked on the story to begin with. Because it was written by you, I knew it'd be good.

The DBZ section needs a lot more introspective stuff. :)

5. Doll

I have to say that I love seeing a different buildup of Videl's life. It tends to be the same-old, same-old, and that gets old. Seems like your mind works similar to mine, at least in this case! I always saw Videl's mom as more of a no-nonsense type of woman who was very down to earth. Mostly to balance out her husband. (I kinda think they'd need a balance like that.)

I like how you put the doll into effect. I owned a few dolls as a kid, but I was the brat playing with Hot Wheels cars and making animals out of dirt/mud (since our dirt here is very claylike). Sometimes I didn't mind dressing or acting like a girl, but most of the time I was that rough-and-tumble tomboy that Videl seems to be in this section.

Kids are always so honest when they're young. It's too bad that adults don't always understand! But her grandfather was clearly disappointed that Videl didn't like his gift. Sometimes pleasing children can be hard, especially if you buy them what you think every other kid wants. Every child is different!

6. Pride

This one was REALLY good. Your writing is wonderful, and you're really weaving a backstory here! I always wished that Videl's backstory had some real canon to it, but all we're told is that her mother is dead. It's a shame, because we're never told anything else about her mother.

I like how you're painting her, here. A hardworking housewife (I'm assuming) who is trying to raise a daughter. It's sad that kids tend to gravitate toward the parent who isn't around at certain ages, in this case, Videl looks up to and admires Hercule more than her own mother. It's kind of sad, really, and I'm sure it saddens her mother, too, to know that she's the one at home doing everything alone, and who does Videl want to see the most? Who does Videl mimic?

I remember enjoying helping my father out when I was younger. I helped him plane boards and carry firewood and all kinds of things. It always seemed more exciting than cleaning the house. (Luckily, I picked up a talent for cooking.)

I feel like I can understand Videl's mother in this. I do like Hercule as a character. He's funny, and he does care about his daughter. But I don't think he was really cut out to be a father, and I never felt he really acted like one except when it was expected of him. (Example would be that in canon he lets her fight crime, but won't let her date boys.)

7. Sadness

["I love you, Daddy. And I love Mom. What is hard about that?"] There's a quote from my favorite anime that goes something like, "What's so difficult about loving and being loved? There are plenty of loves that cannot even be confessed." (Rose of Versailles is the anime, by the way.) I like this phrase because it says a lot about the characters in that particular anime. Not being able to confess your love, in other words, is more painful than loving someone else and being loved in return.

[Videl had never realized that heroes also wept.] This is a really good line.

I liked this section because I feel it rounds out Videl's mother's death well. I always assumed Videl was either 1.) not attached to her mother, or that 2.) her mother died when she was still fairly young. I can't imagine it otherwise. The part at the funeral was heartbreaking, but it happens, and I know in the recent past (50-100 years ago), it happened even more. Can you imagine not understanding the situation, and seeing someone being covered with dirt? It would be scary.

8-9. Promises

[There was poverty for a while.] Thank you! It's so rare to see someone who thinks Videl might have been poor as a kid. I have never thought she was particularly spoiled. She doesn't throw tantrums. She does want things to go her way, but that has nothing to do with wealth.

This paints Hercule in a more likable light. Unfortunately, he's still chasing a dream. It makes him both admirable and unlikable. Reminds me a bit of The Pursuit of Happyness.

I REALLY like that she got the wrong kid. I don't know why, exactly. Let me think... I think it helps shape her character a little bit further. She wants to make certain that she's doing the right thing.

10. Tournament

[Did he see her father in TV?] I think you meant "on" TV.

[In the end, Hercule would later tell her that it was her hopeful, innocent eyes that prevented him from fabricating another account of fascinating adventure.] Perfect!

This section was a lot sadder, but it's still understandable. Hercule no doubt felt worthless. And what man wouldn't feel worthless if he was unable to provide for his family? I have to wonder, though, when he started winning matches, if it helped him feel better. Honestly, Videl's past is so much like I always envisioned it that it's almost scary! (Get out of my brain!)

11-12. Dying

[She did not even know how to fly yet. How was she going to go to the beautiful place if she could not fly?] That's a really poignant line!

Poor Videl, facing that all alone. I think it's easy to imagine, though. How terrifying for the poor girl.

13. Guilt

["We're a fortunate pair, Videl. It's only right to help others."] Hercule has basically redeemed himself! I can see him doing this very easily. He's a well-loved hero, even if he is a false hero.

An interesting spin on things, here. Videl realizes her father is a fake, and lies along with him. It's both sad and interesting. I'd think Videl hated liars, but I understand why the lies continue, regardless of that fact.

15. Looks

I liked Jok. He was nice, and again, sweets for Videl. I think I can picture her having a bit of a weakness for them...

16. Justice

This was an interesting bit. I'll admit, I have a hard time seeing Videl let a criminal go. But...his story hit a little too close to home, I guess.

17. Year

A sweet ending. :) Gohan's such a dear, isn't he? I think Videl really needs that calm, supportive, warm-ness in her life. Meeting him really changed her for the better. (After of course, she figured out all of his secrets. Heh.)

Anyway, this was a nice piece of introspection! Great work. Keep writing, even if you stick to oneshots. :)


chimney leaf chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
I'm telling you what I think about this fic and the experiment in an email to you. But I think I'll add to your review count a little while I'm here, haha.
DramaticFleur chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
"ignore the HORRIBLE gramar mistakes, and just read the story, okay? btw, i do NOT suck in summarys. and be nice, 'cuz this is only like my thirteenth fic and excuse me english is my second lnaguage"

You know, when I first saw this, I was completely horrified. Especially as it came from you. HOWEVER! After being atonished and astounded by this beautiful, funny, entertaining, beautifully introspective peice of fanfiction, AND saw that note I thought: "YOU CLEVER, CLEVER PERSON!".

I love the way it sort of jumps around, and the impact of her mothers death that sort of underlies with Videl...

Gosh. -adds to favourites-

It must have taken a while to craft.

Best thing you've ever written.
Noryale chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
This was such a pleasurable read!

Interesting, original, different! Just what this fandom needs :)

Please feel free to 'explore' more

Thank you for this 'little' piece of yours,


GohanSSJ2x chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
This is truly great work, imagination, creativity, raw emotion, if you really get into the story you can feel it which makes this amazing. I really can imagine Videl's life as a "rags to riches" story because i dought that she was always rich. I truly think that this is a must read for Videl fans and/or people who want to know about how Videl could have been raised and what was her early life like before the Cell Games and before Gohan.
Zephyr.Camida chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
When I got the notice of this fic and read the title, I have to admit I was like,"What now? o.o". Of course seeing it was 13k words and about Videl, I figured it was something underlying and wasn't about to pass up your writing. X3

I really liked what you have done with her in these themes. There is so much that we don't know about Videl, her father, and especially her mother that it saddens me that people only look at what -was- shown in the series. Which seriously speaking, was not all that much. Saw them fight a little, be stubborn a little, etc etc. There was never a dive into their beings and left very little to imagine outside of their negative stereotype. It seems to make it hard for people to really write Videl outside of that. But you seem to do it with such grace that makes me thank the heavens that someone actually -tries- to make something MORE out of the Satan family.

I really also liked what you did with her mother. It's different. I don't think I've read a fanfic yet (I'm pretty sure anyway) that her mother is not Perfect Angel From the Heavens on Earth. She's got character and I liked that a lot. I also liked that you made it so that she wasn't actually rich all the time, and through that learned many lessons of life that I feel someone like her would know, even just from fighting crime. She has reasoning more than just being Satan's daughter. Splendid~

And of course, you added some Gohan time in there too...definitely gushed over that, and that they were already dating so they had some innocent intimacy and such. I really liked their interaction most in this, as it brought other points in previous themes to light, even when she's older. And funnily enough, I always imagined that she was the older one for some reason. I never knew that she actually was. XD Though I don't think a year changes all that much in a relationship or anything. you can tell, I really enjoyed this. I feel like I should send a suggestion your way as well. Have you ever tried writing "20 truths" style stories? I feel like you would do so well with them, seeing as you like to write character comprehension stories. They would be right up your alley. Hopefully you'll give it a try sometime~

I look forward to more of your fanfics!