Hmm. Your construction of words isn't as nearly awkward as the other one I've read. Needs a bit of work. A bit bland, but not bad. It has great potential though if you've just let your creative juices keep on flowing.

unexpected...

Apt word. Very apt word indeed. D

But seriously, quite well written though in some parts a bit OOC. All in all though, very good.

The conversation feels a bit awkward, and not in a social sense. In a writely sense. Loved Artemis's rants, though. Ah...so many beautiful rants have come of this competition.

Unexpected...Mmm, that most certainly was. I can't wait to see how this all plays out in the book, what with Trouble and everything.

~HMF

I need to stop readign these things when I haven't even read the first chapter of the Atlantis Complex. Well, it was great anyway.