|Reviews for Navy Blue Crayons|
| Luckyclaw chapter 8 . 11/1/2014
What Sasuke did to her is unforgivable. In no way can I redeem this character after the cruelty he expressed not only towards Sakura, but every other character in this story. Sakura's torture alone at his hands is unforgivable, considering he didn't listen to her and /blamed/ her for getting in a horrendous car crash that could have killed her the way it killed his parents, but imagine the manipulation and humiliation he put every one of her former friends though to make them adopt his viewpoint! It's stated that he gets those who stand for Sakura expelled from the school, so not only is he ruining her life, but possibly the lives of COUNTLESS good people. Chouji doesn't come back to his friends, Sai is left heartbroken after deciding to be Sakura's only friend. Even Naruto was forced, not convinced, FORCED to leave Sakura's side because of Sasuke.
Back to the atrocities he commits against Sakura; Humiliation, isolation, assault, harassment and rape. He embarrasses her in public, condemns her to a life with no friends, slaps her on an occasion, tells her to kill herself, and then RAPES her. That's not the expression of someone undergoing the stages of grief, or someone 'very hurt and angry' with her. That's a monster in the flesh. If you saw someone on the news with a different name and face who had done the same exact thing, you would hope that they end up in a jail for the rest of their lives with no chance of parole. For good reason; these characteristics are all traits of Sociopaths. In the end, he simply apologizes to her, has sex with her, and everything's hunky dory. I hope his balls fall off and get hit by a truck.
Sakura goes through so much shit in this story. She's raped not once but twice, almost dies in an accident, looses two people she appreciated very much, and then Sasuke does all the aforementioned cruel deeds to her. After something like that, how much affection would you have for that person? Not a whole lot, to be sure. Especially when Sai shows up, that should have ever been a point in the story where she moved on or Sai helped her to fix her problems and confront Sasuke. Making Sai her boyfriend just to toss him away as a nobody only makes me dislike the character I'm supposed to be rooting for.
But I don't want to make this review a pointless bash. I want to help you improve.
Sasuke's parents DID die in the car crash and his brother left right after. Sakura didn't even need to be blamed for anything for the plot to work. The pain and horror he would have felt would have made him snappy and distant, maybe even to the point of becoming like a high school villain. It could never become the extreme it was in the series however, because it was just his parents and not an entire clan, he wasn't there for the massacre, he didn't see his brother do it, he wasn't tortured by his brother, and the world itself is not the same. Would he be messed up if his parents died in a crash? Fuck yes. Would he be the same Sasuke in the original canon who wants to kill the Kages and torture his ex-girlfriend? Probably not. Don't feel like you have to take his behavior to the same extreme of the manga; AUs are naturally somewhat less intense!
When you make a character a villain, it's important to understand that the audience will want to have catharsis. Think of it like this; For every negative action or lack of action, a little bit of steam boils up in the reader's pot towards that character. When you see Tom torture Jerry, you want to see Tom get whacked in the face for it. This is why it's a slippery slope to make a main character be a jackass or useless. If they never get punished for it, the audience will have pent-up frustration towards that character. To not give a nasty or unhelpful character a moment where they can show they can be kind or have some value should be a conscious choice by the author; if done correctly, the climax of the media is all the more satisfying because it releases the tension that's been building up.
The anger we have against Sasuke is not released in the end because he gets off so easily. In a universe like Naruto, there are more opportunities for him to redeem himself because the world is more dangerous and the stake is higher. In a universe like our own, there are far less. You have two options with Sasuke in this story: You could have included a timeskipping chapter about the gradual healing process and just how he goes about winning back her trust over a long time of being reliable, or you could have lessened the amount of torment he puts her through. For a world like this, with Sakura being this devoted to him, just him jumping to conclusions and being a general jerk to her would have been fine. If he had called her a lot of names, distanced himself from her (and his own friends for added effect), all the while having not listened to her in the first place, it would have worked fine and there would be less to redeem. It's the rape, manipulation of all around him, and forceful isolation of someone so devoted to him that makes him outright evil.
There. There's my big rant review. I write this for you because I think you've really got some potential as an author. As writers, it's one important motto to never stop improving and to never get discouraged because one thing failed. But then again, it looks like you wrote this back in '10, soooo maybe my review came a biiiit too late XD I would love to see some SasuSaku stuff from you that's more recent because it's amazing to see what time can do for us. I'll be checking!
| alieh dragneel chapter 1 . 8/15/2014
OMFGG I HATE ITACHI I WISH HE WOULD GO DIE IN A FIRE loved the ending sort of it was a great story its in my face ;)
| ondaimuchHokagi chapter 8 . 12/15/2013
I really loved the story, and mentioning all those silly names crayola can give. But, I almost cried at imagining and reading the memorirs of Haruno. I really didn't think that Sasuke can forgive her. Fuck Itachi. I love the story. You're stories are the best, Vampirette Knight.
| Nameless Lurker chapter 8 . 5/31/2013
I think the story would've been better if it ended in tragedy...well that may be my sadistic side speaking. Nevertheless I love the story, except for the ending that is. I just love tragedies too much.
| Guest chapter 8 . 1/13/2013
This story was a little confusing to comprehend after a certain chapter but overall it was enjoyable to read !
| mansi.cheers chapter 8 . 10/20/2012
hey nice 1!
but i dnt knw its jus dat its too painfull and i dnt knw wat but still i loved it!
thanks alot for d story!...
| Guest chapter 8 . 7/12/2012
...AND YOU JUST BLAMED IT ALL AT HER? ... MAKING HER VULNERABLE..
ARE YOU JOKING WITH ME? CUZ IF THAT SHIT REALLY HAPPENED AND IF TO SAY HAPPENED TO SOMEONE ... WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN? ... and ... the statement cause he lost his parents and his stupid brother left .. so yeah? is that all gonna be it? ... senseless nobody wants to live like that, that looked like nothing HAPPENED PRETTY IMPOSSIBLE .. im not mad i even cried out of pity because of what happening to her
| yoikuto1234 chapter 8 . 7/11/2012
FUCK SASUKE FOR ALL THE THINGS HE DID TO SAKURA
| ScarletTranquility chapter 8 . 4/21/2012
That was one of the most epicness tics I ever read. Just...wow
| Blossoming-Bn3k chapter 8 . 2/26/2012
Ehhhhhhhh...but Sakura- she suffered- and Sasuke- willing- too welcome- WHAT?
I like the dark theme of the fic though, if that helps. :3
| Oval chapter 8 . 2/15/2012
Wow, what can I say? This was not a good story at all. I'm sorry, but I was expecting so much better. I was interested at first, but by the third chapter I just hated it. I don't know what you were aiming for, but sexist is somewhere around there because that is what I felt. I felt like you portrayed Sakura as this weak and frail girl who would do anything for her man just to please him. And Sasuke just gets it off easy. The story didn't flow right, it just was way too choppy and way too forced. Everything went by so quickly.
I'm not even going to start on the grammar, because that's going to take longer. But overall this story was a disappointment. I expected some type of climax and character development, even just a sminge because it was hard to pity anyone. This could have been better.
| KNUXOUGE74 chapter 8 . 1/26/2012
| another.creative.lover chapter 8 . 1/11/2012
Making love and rape in the same chapter. Yum.
Either way, this ended pretty well. BEAUTIFUL.
| another.creative.lover chapter 7 . 1/11/2012
I'm sorry, but the crayon part kind of made me laugh.
You know, until that analogy came back at the end.
| another.creative.lover chapter 6 . 1/11/2012
(socks Sasuke in the face)
Alright then. Who's next?