|Reviews for Naruto: Chronicles of the Seventh:End of Innocence|
| Wingless Swan chapter 29 . 11/5
Your plot lines got a lot better.
| guest chapter 14 . 8/29
Omg I cried at the end when neji said it was raining
| EazyJPeazy chapter 31 . 11/15/2014
wow i just started reading this collection after the middle finger to storytelling and logic that was the naruto finale. this right here is the reason that i ship narusaku. There growth and mutual chemistry is apparent for all to see and then bam we get a complete 180 just so they can sell part 3 and the movie. sigh let me not work myself into a rage
i just wanted to let you know that i live your stories and that ive seen the preveiws for thise miniseries that you have and they sound hilarious. please continue to write and provide a brigh spot to an otherwise devistated fellow shipper.
| dloold87 chapter 14 . 10/13/2014
...damn you made me cry over Lee's death.. He went out with a bang though, I doubt with an attack like that anything would be left of the one on the receiving end. Good story so far, now on to the next chapter.
| mashiro.x.shiina chapter 25 . 8/4/2014
You portrayed Tsume perfectly. You completely nailed her character, good job. I also love how you gave Sai some love. I adore his character, but I feel like he's constantly overlooked. Overall, another great chapter.
| mashiro.x.shiina chapter 14 . 8/4/2014
Goodness gracious, you made me cry again. aosdcijasdf. Okay. Congratulations, you're the first writer able to make me cry multiple times. No big deal, just an emotional wreck over here X( Wonderful work on this story so far:)
| mashiro.x.shiina chapter 12 . 8/4/2014
aosicjaosdkchjaousdhfjkasdf. Okay. Well you should be proud to know this chapter had me crying- which isn't an easy thing to do.
| The Whirlwind Jinchuriki chapter 39 . 4/2/2014
Just one thing to say, Brilliant and Awesome Story!
| shade5280 chapter 22 . 3/30/2014
Gosh dude, you are an amazing writer, I was going to try to get through all the cahpter and books before I reviewed but this chapter and all the others are just amazing! You are incredible and I thank you for making such a wonderful story for me and many others to read and enjoy!
| rzpr0t0 chapter 12 . 2/22/2014
The chapter was excellent... Lee's techniques and foghting style is portrayed to its fullest. Please keep up the excellent work!
| Do The Roar2012 chapter 14 . 2/17/2014
I'm waiting for my plane back to the UK so decided to read this chapter. I'm not one to cry over a story or movie etc but this made me well up like a baby & now I have strangers staring at me. Dammit I'm a 22 year old man, ahhh honestly best story in history that I've read so far in Naruto fanfiction in the last 6/7 years
| Lord Jaric chapter 39 . 1/15/2014
The writing in book three is far better than in the first two books, but you are still have trouble with point of view. While it may work in TV/movies and comics/manga, jumping from one individual's head to another's without there being a scene break doesn't work in literature. There needs be a consistent POV to avoid confusing the reader. Once you pick someone to be the POV of a scene you need to stick with them. The narrative has to follow through their eyes.
If the POV character doesn't know another character by name, even if the reader does, the narrative can't mention the name. The POV character can't know what’s going on in someone else's head, so the narrative can't tell the reader either. The narrative can only tell what the POV knows. The only thing the narrative can tell is what the POV character, feels (physically and emotionally), sees, hears, taste and smells.
When it comes to stories that have multiple points the best times to change a POV is as follows.
the present or new POV leaves the scene.
to a different seen with a diferent POV character for a while before returning the previous scene for a new POV.
a new chapter
And one small thing, try to avoid repetition. Avoid using to many he/she/him/her/(character's name) in one paragraph (and I mean just using one of those). Swith it up every now an then with a phystical/mental/emotional/etc trait of the character. Also try to avoid using the adjectives to soon. Case and point I used 'avoid' three times in this paragraph. So if you say, used the word 'evade' try using 'dodge' next.
You got a good story going here just need some improvements to make it better in terms of writing.
| Lord Jaric chapter 2 . 1/13/2014
A POV problem in this chapter you were jumping from Shikamaru's head to Krolik in the beginning, and momentary with Naruto and the ninja.
| Lord Jaric chapter 1 . 1/13/2014
In this one chapter you have shown great improvement in you writing from the last two stories. You have maintained a consistent point of view instead of jumping from one character’s head to another in the same scene. You are separating dialogue making it easier to know who is talking.
| Gatomon21 chapter 33 . 1/10/2014
Narutos fighting style reminds me of Avatar - the last airbender somehow... ;)