|Reviews for all i need|
| Dozy Dora chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Really sweet :D x
| Pigfartsyumyumyum chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
| Prepackaged life chapter 1 . 7/8/2010
Honestly this isn't that bad (sorry I reviewed it b/f reading it, but the title bothered me)
there are some parts which need better descriptions like "you're so angry you can't even speak."
"orbs" isn't the most flattering image.
"you'd never betray him like that." like what?
"It happens just a few months later." incredibly vague
I think you need to read it again(try out loud really slowly sentence by sentence). I know as the writer you feel like some things are implied, but they are lost to the reader.
Also I feel like your two weakest points are your vocab and imagery. If you learn more vocab, and continue writing I feel like you will get a lot better. when your writing just remember to provide lots of sensory and emotional details to add to the depth of the writing. Overall though good job
I love the clever use of third person to see from Sirius's point of view.
| prepackaged life chapter 1 . 7/8/2010
Honey... the LEAST you could do is use correct capitalization in the TITLE