|Reviews for A Ball of hot air to handle|
| Vanny22ify chapter 5 . 4/30
I loved your story. I guess too it's similar to my style of writing fanfictions:
- Use heartwarming a lot
- A cute sweet character turned into a ball and is used as a basketball or is trapped in a bubble.
- Funny moments
| DEACTIVATED ACCOUNT-Buckrocks chapter 5 . 10/26/2012
| scarlett101 chapter 5 . 7/26/2012
a very nice story i like it alot
| thatsonehappychick chapter 5 . 8/31/2010
Great story! It is so different to what has gone before, I really enjoyed reading it.
| KaylaDestroyer chapter 5 . 7/19/2010
I liked this story! It was cute in the end!
| Straiya chapter 4 . 7/12/2010
Well now having dispensed with all the un-pleasantries in the last review can I please re-state the fact that I really, really like this story. It's actually one of the best comedy pieces I've read here, and yes it does make me laugh out loud occasionally, or alot depending on the chapter. I know it's not perfect, and I'm sorry to bring out the old cliché but nothing truly is perfect. So please forgive me for wanting to provide something a little more constructive than mindless praise. (Note that I say this with utmost sincerity and without a trace of sarcasm.)
The character stuff was just my own personal interpretation, and your response proves just how subjective character interpretation can be. Read into it all you will but in truth I meant nothing by it.
You do have a few spelling errors here an there still but again there's nothing particularly obtrusive, you just might want to consider going back and doing a bit of editing once the story's done. I know proofreading is a major pain in the A but every good writer does it, and on that note I'd like to close by saying you are a very good writer and I'd love to see more of your work around here once you're done with this one.
"They really should make backpedalling an Olympic sport," A.J.
P.S. Do you know what a malapropism is?
| KaylaDestroyer chapter 4 . 7/12/2010
This chapter was so funny! I loved it! Please update soon! You're doing a great job!
| yellowraccoon chapter 3 . 7/9/2010
First thing I have to say, this is a rather decent story! I love the simple yet deviant plot. I also like how you captured all three (Crash & Eddie, AND Sid's) personality. (I know their is a grammatical mistake in that last sentence, but I'm too lazy to fix it)
And now, obviously because other readers have to be the devil's messengers, I'd like to offer a bit of some criticism.
First thing, it appeared much more in the first and second chapter, it still appears in this last one. Crash and Eddie seem a bit too deviant and even a little evil. something about the way they talk and act seems somewhat out of character. AJKool touched up on that last chapter, and all I say is heed that advice.
And, also, their are some light grammatical mistakes littered within the latest chapter.
Other than those two points, this is a fun story that I hope you continue!
| KaylaDestroyer chapter 3 . 7/9/2010
This chapter was REALLY funny! Please update soon, I love this story!1!
| KaylaDestroyer chapter 2 . 7/8/2010
DangerNicky, this story is so FUNNY! I really like it! Please update soon!
| Straiya chapter 2 . 7/8/2010
Let's get started with the best bit first: the praise. This a pretty decent effort compared to most, good paragraphing, decent sentence structure and I cannot express how happy I am that you knew to change lines whenever dialogue changed to a different character; surprisingly few do. The narrative structure is also pretty good. Quite above average overall.
Now onto the criticism which I would like to begin by assuring that I take no pleasure in it. I'm not that kind of person and never will be. I just love writing and I simply wish to help out others who share a passion for it. Heed it or not I don't mind, I will write it regardless.
Ok first I must say you really need to work on proofreading. Just a simple re-read over you finished work can make a huge difference in quality, especially if you are able to do it out loud to yourself. This piece is riddled with tiny errors. The kind which a quick read over would have picked up. Only little things mind you, like forgetting to capitalise the first letter of a sentence one or two times along with a few minor spelling errors and occasionally slipping into present tense during non-dialogue exposition. There is nothing particularly glaring though, except for one area toward the end where you appear to have accidentally inserted a new line during the middle of a sentence.
~At that Moment, Eddie came back with the big leaf, the two brothers tie it around him,
making it secure around his mouth nice and fast. "Cool!" replied Eddie as he rubbed his hands together after securing him.~
I think you meant:
~At that moment Eddie came back with the big leaf, which the two brothers tied around him, making it secure around his mouth.
"Cool!" replied Eddie as he rubbed his hands together after securing him.~
Alrighty now for one or two subjective nitpicks which are more my own opinion about which other readers and yourself may feel differently, and are of course free to do so.
My biggest qualm would be that in this story Crash and Eddie seem more downright evil and sadistic than playful. In canon they are mischievous little imps, perhaps a little thoughtless at times, but it's all in the spirit of a good laugh and they never really mean to hurt anyone. In here they, well, jam Sid's mouth over a geyser and flood his digestive system with searing hot gas and water vapour in the hopes of turning him into a balloon for the amusement of a small child who would probably end up scarred for life by such a sight. It probably would have worked better to use the Scrat since he's surprisingly elastic and has a pretty admirable pain tolerance, plus he's the butt monkey of the Ice Age series anyway. And I hate him.
In the same bar but on a slightly different note I find that Crash and Eddie's dialogue here is far too verbose and florid. In canon they speak in what could best described as a layman's tongue, using only simple words to convey simple concepts in short sentences that are usually very punchy and quick to the point. Seeing them talk like they do in this story is just downright creepy when I imagine it being spoken in their voices, especially knowing what they had planned for poor, unsuspecting Sid. Yet when I think about it's also weirdly compelling... was that intentional?
Anyway last and not least however is this little gem:
~He poke a finger in Sid behind while imitading a sabre's roar...~
I assume to be:
~He poked a finger into Sid's back while imitating a sabre's roar...~
I read as:
~He poked a finger into Sid's behind while imitating a sabre's roar...~
Do I really need to say it?
Whether I need to or not I think I'll end it all on that note and finish up by saying this is a decent piece, deliciously surreal if read in a certain light, and one which despite it's flaws I sincerely look forward to seeing through to its conclusion.
| Goddess on a Highway chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
Funny! If their victim is who I think it is, they're so dead! LOL
| Straiya chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Wow it's been a while since I found an Ice Age fic that actually caught my fancy, but I'm glad to say this one certainly does. Sure it's short but it's well pretty well written with characters who are in character playing a part in a deliciously original plot that I'm very much looking forward to following. I can't wait for the next update and to see where this devious little plot is going.
Great work, keep it up.
'Silently, skilfully stalking the pantry for the shy and elusive Vegemite jar,' A.J
| KaylaDestroyer chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Ooooh! I'm so anxious to see what they do! After I read this chapter, I was saying to myself, " Oh, what are they gonna' do?
What are they gonna' do? " This story is AWESOME so far DangerNicky, please update soon! :) :) :) :) :) :)