|Reviews for YO MAMMA IN THE VALLEY OF PEACE part 2|
| finallyexploded chapter 1 . 5/15/2013
Please note that this fic is in violation for non-story content and chat format. I suggest that you delete and upload onto a different website. Thank you for your time.
Entries not allowed:
1. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.
6. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.
4. Chapters of the same story are not allowed to be submitted as separate entries. All chapters/segments must be grouped together using the 'edit/upload chapter' feature in the left menu.
Member of Eliminator
| Reviewer536 chapter 1 . 2/5/2011
Question: Why would two of the most POWERFUL kung-fu masters engage in a Yo Mama contest? I haven't read your first verison of this story, but I suggest that you combine them to form a single story with chapters...?
For one thing, the characters... are out of character. OOC. Remember, these aren't your teenaged friends or buddies in school. Keep the character's opinion in tact. Tai Lung isn't fun and games and I'm sure Po would have a lot more to his personality. Doesn't Tai Lung have a seething hatred for Po, the Dragon Warrior? Why is he behaving as such?
Also, there is a major lack in details. Where are they? What were the tones of their voices? WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS? Also, you ruin the tone when you must write in a skit-format like this. Why not something more along the lines of...(I'm using phrases from your story):
A smirk widened across Po's face. "Yo mama is so skinny," he sneered, "that when she turned to the side, she disappeared!"
The crowd roared in laughter, the majority moaning "OOOH!"
(This is just how I write it. Your story doesn't need to be exactly the same, and please be orignial).
Before you get the idea that I am trolling, listen: I am NOT trying to be a prick. Think. Sit down for a moment and think. Try to impress your readers - and remember, your readers aren't nine year olds. Engage them in something both humorous, but a bit more mature and detailed.
Oh, and if you ARE a troll, please politely leave. I'v noticed that your other stories haven't recieved pleasant feedback.
| callmeBaby'08 chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
last one wa good
| Welsh Gem chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
ur momma's so sluty, she had thirds of tiger woods
ur momma's so short she needed and id just 2 c da teletubbies.
ur momma's so stupid she sold her car 4 petrol money
ur momma so so skinny u could use her as a credit card
ur momma's so fat when she went on da scales. they blew up
ur momma so fat wen she gave da doc her weight he went i want ur weight not ur phone number.