Reviews for Life At Hogwarts And Beyond
Schermionie chapter 1 . 10/22/2010
Hi Dramione,

So I'm really, really sorry about the inexcusable lateness of this review. I can only apologise, but I know that's not really worth much... :/

But I'm finally here with your review and score for round one, at least.

I thought that this story was very sweet. To make an understatement of it, I'm not really a fan of OliverKatie, but I did like parts of this. I really liked the way they looked at each other and smiled at the start. They picked each other out from the crowd, which established a romantic connection from the get-go.

Katie and Oliver's scene was somewhat cliché, but again, it was sweet - and I think Katie knowing all along made it a *little* less mushy. I liked how Katie didn't swoon over him: it made Oliver's adorable clumsiness with admitting his feelings even more adorable, and gave some more balance to their relationship.

However, I do think there were some contradictions in this fic; specifically, these lines:

'He glanced at her to gauge her reaction, she looked shocked.

'"Sorry Oliver…what?" she said.'

To me, this doesn't make any sense at all. If Katie already knew, if she was just 'waiting on [Oliver] confessing [his] feelings', then why does she look shocked? I suppose she could have been deer-in-headlights, but I just don't see it. This scene lacked emotional continuity.

Then these two lines:

'"He was besotted he knew that and he had always known that."' &

'"He felt like a besotted fool."'

Does he know he's besotted, or does he just *feel* as though he is?

Oliver, in my opinion, was OOC. I did like the way that he found it difficult to tell Katie his feelings (he's a teenage male, and his obsessions do not lie with girls, but Quidditch), but there was something about the way you characterised him that I strongly disliked. This line, in particular, was something I felt you messed up with: 'They had won, he grinned but he wasn't grinning because they had won.'

I think this is OOC because in canon, Oliver is just *so* focused on Quidditch. I don't see why liking someone would distract him from that (the Glyn Maxwell poem 'The Perfect Match', which is written from the perspective of a man whose first love is football and his second his 'beautiful wife', comes to mind). I'm rereading the books at the moment, and in CoS there's this line where McGonagall tells students that she has some good news. Oliver's immediate reaction is not to think that the victims of the Basilisk are going to be ...un...petrified, but that Quidditch matches are back on, as they had been cancelled after Hermione and Penelope were attacked. While I understand that you wanted to strengthen Oliver's infatuation with Katie with this line, I just don't think it worked.

Speaking of 'infatuation', I'm brought on to your description. I agree with XHarryxGinnyxloveX: I think you overused words such as 'besotted', 'fool' and 'baffled'. Fine words when used sparingly, but it just sounds odd to use them a lot.

This leads me on to the technical side of this fic, which was, I'm afraid to say, not so good. You could use a thorough brush-up of punctuation, and it would be my suggestion that you start getting your fics betaed. It's helped me with my writing a great deal, and I think it could help you, too. After this review, as Ali is now not judging, you can always edit this chapter (but not the others yet) if you would like to. :) But, it was definitely readable and I have seen a lot worse. Sometimes, in fact, I think the unpolished pacing worked to your advantage, such as here:

'The win that meant they had won the house cup again. It was the last time he would lift it as Gryffindor captain at Hogwarts as he graduated next week. The seven years at this school had flown by so quickly, it seemed like only yesterday that he stepped through those large great hall doors getting his first inside glimpse of Hogwarts. Now he was leaving.'

I loved this paragraph. The second to last sentence contrasts marvellously with the shorter sentences, and it's got a sort of 'time has flashed by' sort of tone, which was very appropriate.

I also loved your use of 'senses' as in the five senses and the sense of reason, how you used Oliver's sense of smell and taste etc to make his fascination with Katie that much more real, describing things about her that he would have noticed over the years. In fact, I would say that your story had one of the best prompt uses of the comp.

Unfortunately, while I can see one meaning of your prompt, 'sense', I cannot for the life of me see another. I've looked and looked, and I just can't see it. The challenge was to use two different *meanings* of your prompt word, and while the sense of reason isn't one of the five senses, it is a type of sense. The uses are too similar... and for that reason, despite your other magnificent prompt uses, I'm going to have to deduct one mark from your score. :(

Thus, your score from me for round one is 2/5 rounded up from 1.5/5.
mew-tsubaki chapter 4 . 10/16/2010
Sorry for the late review on this, Dramione, but this was really nice. I think you did a good job with the "Because of LOVE" quote; it /did/ sound like Luna. :)

I'll admit, I've always found the pairing of Ron/Luna to be funny, as I just can't see it happening... But I agree with the bit of background you wrote for them here. If they /were/ to happen, it probably would be something out of the blue.

But still, this is a very nice piece and I like that it ended on a melancholy note, though I feel that Ron really did love her.

Nice work!

-mew-tsubaki :)
iMissHP chapter 7 . 10/8/2010
3/5 You did an interesting choice writing about the break-up of Ginny and Oliver and how it reinforces Ginny/Harry, I really loved this. However, Oliver character seemed a little 'off' compared to your Ginny. She was bright, leading and strong, he only seemed to follow and be a minor character in their story. It didn't feel in-character nor natural for Oliver. However like I said, you have a great Ginny and you have written their emotions very well. Great job!

Thank you for taking part in the Comp and answering all the challenges! I enjoyed all your entries :)
Static Lull chapter 3 . 9/12/2010
This is very cute, and I really like the backdrop of it. Really unexpected, but it works, and it's something I think not a lot of people would consider.

I noticed quite a few typos however, which distracted just a little from the story, however, it wasn't too bad and nothing a little proofreading or betaing couldn't cure.

I like that Seamus never gave up on Lavender, even though he had plenty of oppurtunity to move on. It was very adorable and (I think) very Gryffindor of him.

There were times when the flow of the story was off, though. And times you shifted a little abruptly, but I think that could have been repaired with a little more description.

The prompts weren't as subtle as they could have been, but all in all they worked with the story, which matters a little bit more, I think.

Anyway, good job. :)
yellow 14 chapter 7 . 9/2/2010
This one manages to nicely fit in with the spirit of the challenge. (This final one was damn difficult) Very nicely done, keep updating
yellow 14 chapter 6 . 8/24/2010
I don't like Marietta, bet you've gotten a really good insight into her mind here. Very good, keep updating. And go Hufflepuff!
iMissHP chapter 5 . 8/18/2010
5/5 It's a very sad entry, I felt bad for Pansy. I really love how she struggles to leave him, it makes your story more real. And I love how she has something to remind her she needs to leave all along the fic. You did a very good job with the prompt. It's a little cliché, but it works perfectly well. I loved it!
yellow 14 chapter 5 . 8/17/2010
Ask and ye shall recieve. Nicely put together, my fellow 'Puff. Keep updating and go Hufflepuff
DoubleCaramel chapter 5 . 8/16/2010
Good thing Pansy left him! I wrote her too for this challenge and she deserves someone better like Ron *giggles at delusional pairings* (though I broke them up too) . Anyway, this was short and to the point - it suits the lyrics perfectly. Well done!
BlytheDoll chapter 2 . 8/15/2010
awwww made me cry.. im such a sap :P
iMissHP chapter 4 . 8/9/2010
3/5 Your story surprised me, and I guess it was the point. Your story starts a little out-of-the-blue, with no explanation on Luna and Ron relationship. It's very sweet, but it lacks reality because you don't justify it. But I do like how you show us how much he loves Luna. He doesn't simply says Radish earrings, but dirigible plum earrings, which demostrate us how much he cares. The end of the story is truly surprising, like Ron, we don't expect it to happen. It's verry bittersweet and powerful. We don't understand fully Luna's reaction, but in a way we only saw Ron's thoughts on their relationship. You did a good job in the building of the story.
yellow 14 chapter 4 . 8/2/2010
So very bittersweet. Nicely written, keep updating. And go Hufflepuff!
Rising From The Flames chapter 1 . 7/30/2010
That was so sweet, although you over-used besotted fool. :)
iMissHP chapter 3 . 7/27/2010
3/5 It's a very sweet and cute story, I liked it. But some mistakes broke the flow of it and I think that you don't really well managed the omniscient POV. However, you wrote the longing well and the beginning of your fic is very good. It's a little confusing when Lavender thoughts appear, you switch the two characters too easily and it's a little hard to follow, also the end is a little quick. His confession happens out-of-the-blue, you don't gave us enough background. But I really like the setting and how you build things. Good job!
Static Lull chapter 2 . 7/26/2010
This was very cute - - lighthearted and sweet and everything HannahNeville should be.

The concept was nice and well executed. The ending was especially lovely.

My only complaint is that in places the dialogue seemed a bit stilted, and I'm not sure Neville talks QUITE the way you wrote him.

Still, the sentiment was nice. And, really, this was a pleasure to read.
29 | Page 1 2 Next »