Reviews for NGE: Nobody Dies: Six AIs, One Continent
Guest chapter 5 . 3/12/2013
Someone likes ClF3!
AngryAutomaton chapter 21 . 5/29/2011
There is so much I want to say about this story, so let's get the bad stuff out of the way, first.

One thing this story seems to struggle at a bit, is the way that plot points seem to be forgotten at times. For instance, when Do started discussing the destruction of camps, I thought that the camp they were setting up by the makeshift river was going to become a key plotpoint. Yet, from what I can see, that refugee camp basically drops off the face of the Earth. Nobody talks about it again.

The spider cult and the (NON Ef and 00) Keiwaru's interactions is similarly phased out with little payoff, despite the fact that they were both incredibly fascinating concepts, that I would have loved to see explored further. It's especially frustrating since I thought that their initial bigotry and (at least perceived) frustration at a member of the "control group" was going interesting places, but then the story just seemed to stop talking about them.

My final complaint is the whole "Angel" mess. Personally, although Bahaquiel was a creative idea, it felt like it really almost came out of nowhere, and suddenly disrupted the main theme of the story, which was the conflict between the Keiwaru, and the Reego.

And then, when it feels like the conflict and 02 and the others should reach a boil, it just kind of simmers into nothingness. Yes, SEELE is full of horrible people. Yes, what 02 did is too good for people like Kihl and various others. But as the whole subplot with Brahma notes, there are plenty of people whom suffered as a result of 02's actions that had nothing to do with what happened to Kei's children at all, and simply got caught in the crossfire. And this might not seem like such a big deal, if the death of 02 wasn't then presented as a kind of depressing sacrifice. It's one thing to have moral ambiguity, it's another to have a character basically continually act in her own interests, well-meaning though she may be, and then have the story seem to portray her as an altruistic hero.

To try and emphasize the point- what you seemed to be trying to do with 02 you did perfectly with Do. For the first 10-11 chapters, what she does seems repulsive, and she seems completely insane. Then, you learn more about her. You learn exactly HOW she became the person she is now, and in a sense, you begin to sympathize with her, particularly when she (seems to) sacrifice herself to try and take down Bahaquiel. It felt like you had done a good job creating moral ambiguity with 02, but it never really felt like you then sealed the deal, and convinced me that at heart, she didn't mean to do anything wrong, and was trying to be a good person. So Do's perceived death meant a lot more to me than 02's death, which I don't think is what you were going for.

Also, I never really got what the point of the beginning of Chapter 2 was. Was the narrator talking about Bahaquiel? Who was the narrator? What were the "first and second" things? Was this an aborted plot arc, or did I completely miss something?

There are also some minor technical issues- a word missing here and there, and a couple minor typos. They typically don't disturb the story though.

And ignoring the faults, the story is very well done. The plot is interesting, and told through well-written and interactive narration. You sell every single plotpoint amazingly well, and I don't recall a moment where my suspension of disbelief begun to come close to snapping.

You manage to divide the subplots extremely well, and it never really felt rushed. Each subplot rather smoothly flowed into the next. Honestly, I'd argue that when it comes to subplot division and the flow of chapters, you're better than Gregg.

The dialogue is well-scripted, and it makes the Haruhi-Kyon style interactions between Do and Obeur a joy to read. Pretty much everything sounds like something a person would say, and again, the dialogue from the ND characters manages to sound extremely authentic. The dialogue never sounds forced, and you manage to actually add the character's personality into a lot of their dialogue, another area where you, at times, seem to surpass Gregg.

The characters are amazingly well done. Aside from minor interactions from the main cast, which are wisely kept sparse, you built everything from the ground up, and you built it well. You made everybody flawed, but understandable, sympathetic (to at least some degree), and thoroughly likable. I was surprised how depressed I got when I had thought Do had died- you had managed to really make me love her character without me even realizing it.

Honestly, aside from 02, whose story feels like it kind of died halfway through, there wasn't a single character whose development I wasn't pleased with by the end.

You also used the main ND cast very well. When they were there, they were completely in-character. (Iti seemed to have Reegressed a bit, but I think that chapter was posted before we knew that much about her character anyway.) I was particularly surprised by how well you did Kiko.

I could go on about this, but overall, aside from a few annoying faults, it was a brilliant story. The Epilogue seems like a sequel-hook, and if Gregg ever drops the Reego out of the story again, it's a sequel I would enjoy reading.

In sum, this is one of those stories whose faults one can forgive, because when you hit the mark, you nail it. Kudos are definitely in order.

shanejayell chapter 21 . 12/22/2010
Oooh. :) Can't wait until she turns up again...
enderverse chapter 20 . 12/22/2010
Don't tell Gregg but I think I like this story even better than ND.
shanejayell chapter 18 . 12/22/2010

I hope the kids actually manage to make Australia semi-kinda civilized. *lol* Either way, it should be interesting.
enderverse chapter 18 . 12/22/2010
So cute.
deitarionSSokolow chapter 17 . 12/20/2010
Absolutely beautiful so far. Definitely equal in quality to the original NGE: Nobody Dies. (Possibly better, given the occasional instances where referential humor falls flat in Nobody Dies)

Given how you've just retired 02-Ef as a character and given Kaworu knowledge of what's going on in Australia, it'll be very interesting to see how you start bringing other elements to the fore to keep the perceived quality of the story from dropping. (eg. Kei's other children, whose sparse mentions have been feeling like foreshadowing for quite a while now)
shanejayell chapter 17 . 12/18/2010

Good chapter. Sweet, kinda sad, well done.
shanejayell chapter 16 . 12/9/2010
I love the "I am dead" argument. It's surprisingly cute...
ByLanternLight chapter 16 . 12/8/2010
How is it that all of the side-stories seem to result in mini-instrumentalities? Just sayin' is all.
enderverse chapter 15 . 11/19/2010
Still cute and sad and psychological, mixed in an impressive way.
Violet Shadows chapter 14 . 11/17/2010
Nice ending, you had a really sweet way to show one of her shells dying, so I'm a little suprised you didn't use it.
enderverse chapter 13 . 11/9/2010
I just love your cute little AIs are you going to write actual paper books someday? I would totally buy them.
joel chapter 3 . 10/24/2010
Those two are so sad, seems like they are just too nice/young to understand that people can be evil. I just want to give those cute little murderous AIs a hug.

P.S. You seem pretty skilled at world building.
enderverse chapter 12 . 10/23/2010
This story made a lot more sense for some reason after reading through it on the forum, I'm not really sure why.

It is really good though.
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