|Reviews for Home|
| Starry Pink chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
That was so cute. I really enjoyed reading it. :)
| AnneWithane chapter 4 . 11/7/2012
Awww...so sweet to see Legolas happy at home with such a sweet family. :) This made me smile! :)
| nim draug chapter 4 . 1/25/2012
This was wonderful, I loved it :)
| maglors harp chapter 4 . 12/12/2010
Haha. That was really sweet. My only grievance was:
"Argh! Don't pull so hard, you crazy elfling!"
If we're going strictly by canon, I can't imagine Gimli saying that :p How about:
"If you are going to show an interest in my beard, little one, at least do not yank it out by the roots."
| Caelhir chapter 4 . 12/11/2010
Loved it! Very much! Thanks for writing, it's very good!
| Caelhir chapter 3 . 12/11/2010
I like meeting his family!
| Caelhir chapter 2 . 12/11/2010
Oh no! Not the children! And thank you for making Lalaith (does she laugh a lot?) have dark hair. All these blonde Legolas-lovers and slightly irritating!
Loved the chapter!
| Caelhir chapter 1 . 12/11/2010
I really like it so far! I'm excited to read more. I like the idea of a married daddy Legolas.
| bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbvvvvv chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
This is VERY good, Aranel.
Here, in this first chapter, you are using description, setting up the atmosphere. It's what I knew you guys could do. Excellent insight into Legolas.
Just a couple of nags (and this is my own pet peeve, so...you know...)
The word "technically" as used by Legolas when describing his home (chapter 1) is to me a type of anachronism. It is called a 'parachronism'. Basically, a parachronism occurs when a thing/object/idea/word/etc appears in a time period where it is not specifically impossible for it to appear but it would not normally be found. This word is an Atani word; it relates to the world of men, so the word is a bit out of place.
Lastly, when there is made mention of their naneth if you wish to provide a key so that the reader knows what it means, do it at the end of the chapter. However, sometimes this is not necessary since you should write so that your reader can infer what a naneth is. If you wish to not use a key, then the sentence is perfectly acceptable if it is written like this: "...family surely would have collapsed when our naneth, our mother, passed away..." You can use this if you wish.
Overall, good job. Great dialogue. Your characters are within canon, especially the hobbits,. (Pippin and Sam are my favorites)
| LeneLyche chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
Aw! I normally don't like stuff that puts Legolas with someone else (let alone kids!) but this is so sweet! I love it!
| Lellow chapter 3 . 9/19/2010
This was very sweet. I can see that you did take on my feedback and get Legolas to 'think' more in between scenes... It diluted the dialogue a bit more. Though there still is ALOT of dialogue, it is a job well done :)
If you wish to stretch your writing skills, might I suggest that you experiment writing a short interaction with only 2 people with *no dialogue*
When I tried this excercise myself it was interesting to see what I came up with in order to compensate for the wordlessness...
| maglors harp chapter 3 . 9/18/2010
Awie, this was cute :)
| Animadeus chapter 3 . 9/18/2010
haha..."At least I'm a good looking log!" :)
That made my day.
| Padfoot-Moony-Pronglet chapter 3 . 9/18/2010
lmaoo aww yu managed to make it sooooooooo happy even with the news of that battle and awww Legolas was soooo cute with his daughter P
idk if yu shud continue - the scene with the son sure, but idk bout the dinner thing
| Lellow chapter 1 . 9/14/2010
Hello fellow Australian person!
I think you are the Aranel Mereneth who reviewed my one LotR fic twice :) So thankyou... I had a quick look at this fanfiction of yours :)
I like that this is a bonding moment which is happening within the fellowship and that you explored the concept of elvish family life. I personally don't see Legolas as a family man...but that's a personal preference :P
On a more "structural" note... you may want to consider using less dialogue to tell your story...though I appreciate that this is much harder to do when you have alot of people involved in a scene...
For me, one of the tricks I use to avoid overusing dialogue is by delivering the line outloud, with all the pauses and gestures that I think the character would use... it helps break it up and makes the dialogue more plausible and in-character.
The reason I'm giving you this feedback is because I find that alot of writers fall into the trap of using dialogue to convey everything... and the next thing you know it stops being story telling and starts being "people talking about stuff"... but I think you're on the right track, because you make it clear that you are telling the story from Legolas' point of view; you just need to have Legolas "think" more inbetween the bits of dialogue... does that make sense?
Anyway!Good job! and also thankyou for looking at my fic!