Reviews for Premonitions
Noxy the Proxy chapter 17 . 6/5/2012
Not how I expected that to to play 's Great all the same.
CC-R2000 chapter 17 . 6/2/2012
very nice, but I'm not a big fan of yaoi so the ending was...ok, I guess...otherwise I love the whole thing!
wishfulliving89 chapter 17 . 11/17/2011
love the story. vry cute. an vry well written 2.
Zanzibar1 chapter 17 . 8/6/2011
Wait! So the story is done? Awww, I loved it so much though! Write a sequel? Maybe? Maybe? :) loved the story!
Zanzibar1 chapter 15 . 2/22/2011
Awesome! I loved it! Please update soon! I'd love to read more!
OwlCookies XD chapter 15 . 2/18/2011
:3 i luffed the beginning
the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 15 . 2/17/2011
Ha lol! Love the dry humor!

I'm not gonna chew you out this time. You did a good job! Update soon
the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 13 . 2/17/2011
Another good chapter

Another suggestion on improvement

"Wait… when did you guys get married? And Ed, why didn't you invite your own brother?"

"Al, just….. just shut up!"

"Wow, great comeback brother…"

"Look this is serious! We are supposed to be trapping Envy not discussing the relationship between Roy and I!"

"Oh so there IS a relationship!"

I've noticed that when you do conversations like this you don't always put the speaker after the said words.

In arguments between two people, that's ok but, when there are more pekoe in the room at the time It can be confusing for the reader. Also don't just have he said, she said, it's ok to place the speakers reactions and emotions along with the convo. If a chars is blushing madly put it in, if he or she are giving a death glare to the other put that in. It takes practice but I think your smart enough to work it out.

Spelling and grammar has improved! Good job!

Good luck with the gland coming chapters!

Update soon!

Icy
the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 12 . 2/17/2011
Another good chapter this one was shorter than the other but I can see why you put it in the story. It's a critical chapter for the development of the story.

The main thing could think of would be a lack of description.

"there was blood everywhere, including bits of skull and brain. "

I can't help but feel as if there are some places in the story which seem to be incomplete. You could extend on the sentence a bit. Tell the reader what part of the head was struck, eg the hippocampus or another part of the brain/skull and improve the minor details; what does the castle, HQ look like? Marble floors, mulit colored carpet Ect.

Other than the other factors I said in my other review, you did a good job on this chapter!

Keep up the good work and good luck

Icy
the-ice-cold-alchemist chapter 11 . 2/17/2011
Sorry I haven't reviewed your story since ages I have been sick and in the hospital... Twice.

Anyways I'm so glad you continued you are improving. But there is still grammar mistakes here and there, slight oocness, and spelling errors. Maybe think about getting a beta it would impove your story by a mile!

Anyways that's up to you but you I suggest instead of number Ect. Put the actual word you know three four. It makes the story seem less takcy and shows that you age put effort and thought into the sentences.

Other than that great chapter! I'm on to read the next chappies and the rest of the story!

Looking forward to some Ed x Roy action!

Update soon and good luck

Icy
Zanzibar1 chapter 14 . 1/29/2011
Awesome! I'm looking forward to your next chapter! Update soon!
princess moon shadow chapter 14 . 1/28/2011
Love it!
Zanzibar1 chapter 13 . 1/20/2011
Fabulous job! I wasn't expecting this kind of story to turn out this great, but you've done a great job with it. I'm really looking forward as to how this plays out. Please update soon! I'd love to read the next chapter! Plus it will give me a break from midterms this week. Update soon!
princess moon shadow chapter 13 . 1/17/2011
Love it!
in-silent-seas chapter 12 . 11/20/2010
Kind of short, but I still enjoyed it. :D

Update soon?

-SilverMoon888
50 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »