Reviews for Raine Billionaire
DominiqueSkyCullen98 chapter 7 . 2/2/2011
AWWWWWW that was a cute chapter, update, I love it

Dominique
xxPenAndRosesxx chapter 7 . 1/31/2011
Cute chapter. I like the new setting. The little kids were a good touch. However... YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR! Sorry for the overemphasized all caps, but it's the one point I'd like to get across. So many good stories are criticized for that kind of stuff; so it's the type of thing to watch out for. Add a bit more description too between the dialogue. I read some of your Harry Potter stories, and if you fatten this up the same way, it should help a lot.

Well, good luck with your next chapter. I'll be waiting! :)
lilylou101 chapter 4 . 9/11/2010
Aw, the I-Love-You moment! That was really cute! I'd have liked it to be longer, but this was still sweet! :)
DominiqueSkyCullen98 chapter 5 . 8/17/2010
I luved it her n jazz 2gether alone dis will be a show!
alxdaddario chapter 4 . 8/16/2010
Short but cute :) Liked the way you used my quote by the way :DD thanks for taking up the challenge :D
alxdaddario chapter 3 . 8/16/2010
Poor Raine :C Good chapter though. Very well written :)
alxdaddario chapter 2 . 8/16/2010
Ohh such a romantic chapter :)
alxdaddario chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
Very nice :D I've decided to read all chapters then read the one with the quote :)
DominiqueSkyCullen98 chapter 4 . 8/16/2010
I didn't like it...I loved it!
xxPenAndRosesxx chapter 4 . 8/16/2010
Cute.. I think the romance came a bit too fast, though... but oh well. Anyways, it's a nice scene. Add some more meat next time. This are the parts where the fangirls start screaming, so you gotta make 'em good.

Nice job.

-Kao-kun
xxPenAndRosesxx chapter 3 . 8/10/2010
Sweet chapter. I like this a lot. Do your best!

-Kao-kun
xxPenAndRosesxx chapter 2 . 8/10/2010
Cute!
xxPenAndRosesxx chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
I like the idea so far, especially about having her as a snotty brat. It's a nice change. (Ugh. So sick of romance kissy stories right off the bat.. )

Your grammer needs work again, though, Hika-kun. Some of the phrases are too close together as well.

For example:

"Are you Raine," asks a man walking up to her.

"Yes," says Raine, "why are you asking?" "No I'm Bob Dylan, of course I'm Raine," thinks Raine looking at the man.

Maybe what you could do to make it better would be:

"Are you Raine?" asks a man, who's suddenly walking up to her.

"Yes," she replies. "Why are you asking?"

*italics* 'No, I'm Bob Dylan. Of course I'm Raine!' the girl thinks, looking at him.

Other than that, I actually love your story. (Even though I'm not a Twilight fan to begin with)

Keep it up.
DominiqueSkyCullen98 chapter 3 . 8/8/2010
I didn't like it...I LUVED IT!
lilylou101 chapter 3 . 8/8/2010
Yes, it meets expectations:) I read your first, second and third chapter of Raine Billionaire and I really liked them. It's a good story and in the third chapter, Raine meeting her father there was very interesting. Good job!

Lilylou
16 | Page 1 2 Next »