|Reviews for Luminosity|
| Funnyach chapter 57 . 2/24
I realise I'm kinda late to the party, but I just couldn't leave without giving my own to cents. I hope you still read the reviews on , even though the feedback to this particular story probably doesn't matter all that much to you anymore.
For my review:
I found this story on the hpmor subreddit. I was going in with high expectations which were immediately met by your writing style and the plot in the first few chapters. Though I felt like the rationality part became less and less prominent over the course of the story, it still got me hooked enough in the beginning to continue all the way to the end. Good job on that part - you're very skilled at inducing the 'just one more chapter' cycle.
Trying to review a 200k word story in a 500 review I will just say that I really like the way you write looking purely at the style. Unfortunately I can't say quite the same about the plot.
Now, I can't say I went in without a fair warning - you did mention that the story would stray far off the original path of the books, and I was of course expecting that.
The problem was the way you tried to incorporate plotpoints from the original story into your own. I don't generally think that's a bad thing to do, I actually quite like it, but it's a difficult thing to do properly.
One example: Renesmee's, or rather, Elspeths existence. It felt artificial, like she was put into the story because you wanted her in there, not because the plot naturally lead up to it.
You wrote your own story that tried to go along with the books but also go down a completely different path, ending with an ucalled for super-disaster that didn't fit into the rest of the story.
Usually I'm not one to dislike a sad ending to a good story, but not in this way.
"There doesn't have to be a good way to solve this situation." Though that is perfectly fine reasoning, it doesn't make it a good way to set up for your sequel with a bunch of random drama and a non-conclusive ending.
All-in-all though, I liked the story up to the last 4 chapters. I probably won't read the sequel though, there is simply nothing left in that world that would keep me reading.
PS: I'm sorry if I went overboard with the subjectivity. I'm usually not good at that - add to that my sincere sadness caused by the ending and the fact that I'm awake for 30h now and you get this review. Everything I wrote is sincere, just a little bit... overstuffed with my personality.
| Vaughn Tyler chapter 57 . 2/4
| Mansdas2 chapter 57 . 12/4/2016
Wow, I did not see that coming. I'm literally stumped right now.
| Catox chapter 57 . 9/16/2016
I found this story in the the HPMOR subreddit, had a lot of pleasure reading it, until at some point things started to shift and then to go really strange and to finally end actually wrong.
I didn't realize it at the time, but the first clue of things not going right was when Alice wasn't able to track Bella. I mean, it's really okay that the wolves are shielded against her power, but once Alice realized that Bella's immunity wasn't consistent, she should have been able to track down her last knowable position : "oh, I don't see her in 2 hours, let's get a look at in 1 hour ..."
The dramatic consequences that follow kind of make sense, but are thrown at us in a way that feel so rushed... I was still expecting Bella to wake up from a very long nightmare when, oh, "the end" ?
Bella stops actually being rational, the story stops being rational when it makes her randomly meet her daughter right after randomly meeting Jasper (or when Alice is killed for no apparent reason)
... I don't know... it's like something happen with the very writing of the story... But maybe those things get an explanation in the next part... I hope :/
(note that overall I had a good time, though)
| Belthezzor chapter 8 . 7/15/2016
Uh, given that vampires have to kept secret, why would Bella be WRITING IT DOWN. Lmao. Notebooks can be stolen, forgotten or lost, and if it is hers, then that would invite inquiries about the Cullens.
| Guest chapter 45 . 6/10/2016
And they became mates or something. Or singer?
| cherrishish chapter 14 . 5/23/2016
You categorically write "baldly" every time you mean "boldly". It's a bit funny sometimes :D
| Guest chapter 3 . 3/13/2016
I like how you write Bella's personality here. She is very good at understanding socializing among people, and how to act and compose herself.
She is serious but have some sprinkles of funny cute commentaries.
| the froggy ninja chapter 29 . 2/25/2016
BULLSHIT! Pror to 1939 engagement rings were super rare and almost never contained diamonds. Otherwise, good fic.
| tatewaki2000 chapter 27 . 11/30/2015
| Sara chapter 46 . 8/27/2015
So I gave your story a fair chance given how I disliked Bella being a coward and not willing to die for her father. The story didn't mention it again and I was mildly hopeful but she didn't improve, then you threw in a lesbian and try to use this story as a means of normalizing that disgusting lifestyle (a lifestyle that isn't even mentioned in the books thank God.) I like to read stories not so called "politically correct" gay sermons. I hate the fact that you didn't give any kind of slash/Yuri pair warning.
Congrats your one of the few authors that have genuinely enraged me
Consider anything you write from now on passed up. And I will gladly advise my friends who, along with myself, belong to a fanfiction reading club to pass you up as well.
Thanks for nothing, worst wishes, and I wouldn't care if your account on fanfiction was hacked and it died a horrible horrible death.
| Sara chapter 23 . 8/27/2015
Just when I really liked your Bella you had to go and make her someone I hate, a coward. The sentence when she says that she wouldn't die for her father really bugs me for the simple reason that if she isn't willing to sacrifice everything for a person she loves then she does not deserve that person in her life at all.
Rationally I know that no writer can make a universally likable protagonist, this does not mean that their likability isn't important. Its actually a basic tenet I learned in my creative writing that a main character needs the readers admiration, so that as they read they are cheering them on and are invested in the character's fate. Even a horror character that is a mass murderer needs this and it takes a talented writer to achieve it.
I'm hoping that Bella is underestimating herself but if she honestly couldn't die for her father then I really have no more interest in this story. I'll keep reading on the chance I'm wrong but if not... that was a pretty big error, as a writer, on your part.
| hmm chapter 44 . 8/15/2015
The direction of this fanfic over this direction sounds very religious. In a world with human overpopulation, and animals- including the leopard that Bella ate- going extinct as a cause of that, surely keeping a human eating diet is best. She argued against Edwards thinking- using rationality- that vampires don't have souls, and then was later spouting off about the hierarchy of species- human above animal. It seems strange that her reasoning is so based upon assumptions adopted from religion- and not backed up by science- that animals can't think. We know animals can think and reason and learn and argue. Science has proven this is many many many species. Especially all mammals and many birds. We know they can lie and manipulate and prefer and envy. She sounds very much like Edward in his souls reasoning, rather than like a logical thinker anymore.
While I'm enjoying the story about the wolves, the side of the story about hybrids and Bella's 'Non human drinking vampire world' ambition seems all of futile, illogical and extremely Mary-Sue-esque.
| Smiling Seshat chapter 1 . 5/12/2015
It's a shame this version isn't as well-cared for as the one on it's own site, because people will read your story on its own site and this version won't get as many reviews.
| ProditorMagnus chapter 1 . 4/6/2015
I didnt expect the way to save Gianna in Italy at all.