I've never read twilight nor I have any idea of what's going to happen here, but this seems like fun. I kinda hoped more intense description of luminosity-sequence, as I never kinda got around internalizing it from your essays, but oh well, this seems quite entertaining. Maybe a bit more analytic and concentrated Bella would be more interesting, I get this feeling that descriptions of her thought patterns are a bit too low on S/N

I like this - well written, well thought out. Interesting.

ooooh i love bella thinking rationally her responses to people like mike made me laugh! does this mean shes going to figure out what the cullens are sooner or not!

Not an enthralling start, but I am looking forward to more.

I like the writing style and main character, but nothing much has happened so far. It's a good bit of introductory exposition, but I'm hoping that things get more exciting soon.

The first-person perspective really adds to the 'luminosity' theme. Having to hear everything via the main character's thoughts really lampshades the role of the mind's eye and the potential distortion of getting one person's perspective.

For this reason, the lack of dialog is interesting, but it was odd seeing conversations with *no* in-quotes dialog.

I agree with EY. This story needs some sort of cool hook at the beginning, and *in media res* might do it. Perhaps just an opening with a brief scene where she's trying to make an important and exciting decision, and flashes back to how this all started...