Ha. She gets a lot of bruises easily. Something is wrong with her blood. Therefore Edward feels attracted. But. He does not want to have trouble for killing a classmate. Therefore hates her. Yes? o.o

Nice :-) Probably i won't make it, because it is really very long, but one can try :-)
But. This girl seems far too grown up, rational, and not fooling herself about it. Unluckily, humans are not like this, not even true adults :-/ But this won't stop me from trying to read :-) Thx.

'Requires no knowledge or affection for Twilight canon' is what caught my eye at first, if I am being honest.

Sara
Stfu you homophobic cunt

Awesome. Pure genius. Words can't sufficiently describe it's brilliance. Kudos to you! 3

This story deserves more reviews! Why only 400 something?!

Why is it the one good fanfic with a strong, smart and tad ambitious bella she has to fuck every thing up? Come on I think you should have alt ending or something, ik life isnt sunshine and rainbows all the time but damn.

Edward! Alice!T_T NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hey there!

I realise I'm kinda late to the party, but I just couldn't leave without giving my own to cents. I hope you still read the reviews on , even though the feedback to this particular story probably doesn't matter all that much to you anymore.

For my review:
I found this story on the hpmor subreddit. I was going in with high expectations which were immediately met by your writing style and the plot in the first few chapters. Though I felt like the rationality part became less and less prominent over the course of the story, it still got me hooked enough in the beginning to continue all the way to the end. Good job on that part - you're very skilled at inducing the 'just one more chapter' cycle.
Trying to review a 200k word story in a 500 review I will just say that I really like the way you write looking purely at the style. Unfortunately I can't say quite the same about the plot.

Now, I can't say I went in without a fair warning - you did mention that the story would stray far off the original path of the books, and I was of course expecting that.
The problem was the way you tried to incorporate plotpoints from the original story into your own. I don't generally think that's a bad thing to do, I actually quite like it, but it's a difficult thing to do properly.
One example: Renesmee's, or rather, Elspeths existence. It felt artificial, like she was put into the story because you wanted her in there, not because the plot naturally lead up to it.

You wrote your own story that tried to go along with the books but also go down a completely different path, ending with an ucalled for super-disaster that didn't fit into the rest of the story.
Usually I'm not one to dislike a sad ending to a good story, but not in this way.

"There doesn't have to be a good way to solve this situation." Though that is perfectly fine reasoning, it doesn't make it a good way to set up for your sequel with a bunch of random drama and a non-conclusive ending.

All-in-all though, I liked the story up to the last 4 chapters. I probably won't read the sequel though, there is simply nothing left in that world that would keep me reading.

Best Regards,
Funnyach

PS: I'm sorry if I went overboard with the subjectivity. I'm usually not good at that - add to that my sincere sadness caused by the ending and the fact that I'm awake for 30h now and you get this review. Everything I wrote is sincere, just a little bit... overstuffed with my personality.

nice

Wow, I did not see that coming. I'm literally stumped right now.

I found this story in the the HPMOR subreddit, had a lot of pleasure reading it, until at some point things started to shift and then to go really strange and to finally end actually wrong.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the first clue of things not going right was when Alice wasn't able to track Bella. I mean, it's really okay that the wolves are shielded against her power, but once Alice realized that Bella's immunity wasn't consistent, she should have been able to track down her last knowable position : "oh, I don't see her in 2 hours, let's get a look at in 1 hour ..."

The dramatic consequences that follow kind of make sense, but are thrown at us in a way that feel so rushed... I was still expecting Bella to wake up from a very long nightmare when, oh, "the end" ?

Bella stops actually being rational, the story stops being rational when it makes her randomly meet her daughter right after randomly meeting Jasper (or when Alice is killed for no apparent reason)

... I don't know... it's like something happen with the very writing of the story... But maybe those things get an explanation in the next part... I hope :/

(note that overall I had a good time, though)

Uh, given that vampires have to kept secret, why would Bella be WRITING IT DOWN. Lmao. Notebooks can be stolen, forgotten or lost, and if it is hers, then that would invite inquiries about the Cullens.

And they became mates or something. Or singer?

You categorically write "baldly" every time you mean "boldly". It's a bit funny sometimes :D