|Reviews for As Children After Play|
| Renee Aubin chapter 47 . 3/22
“A small update”? Geez, some fairly significant stuff happens in this small update!
A good detail: Charlie ‘had not been purposefully stalking Bella, but had lost himself while wandering aimlessly in the woods.’ Reminds me a little of Bella wandering the woods when Charlie threw her out in her underwear!
Shudder: when Bella got sick ‘Edward grit his teeth, the muscles in his jaw clamping down. He remembered that feeling.’
It bothered me that he pushed her to “try harder” to get better. As if it was just a matter of will. Not that people don’t ask irrational things of their loved ones in such circumstances.
Wow, that’s pretty much the last straw when she can’t keep anything down. Especially considering how the fetus reacts when it doesn’t get fed. ‘Now, with her mother unable to consume the needed blood, the baby was taking it from the only source left—Bella's own body.’ The pregnancy was risky enough, but now her flu makes it impossible.
What a nasty dilemma:
"We don't know how well developed the baby is," [Edward] argued. "For all we know, she might not be viable yet."
Carlisle held his hands out, palm up, in a gesture of defeat. "Do you see another option?"
An interesting way of putting it:
‘But he would not—would not—let her die from this illness. She would die by his hand, born into a new existence as a vampire, or not at all.’
Impressive that even in this extreme situation Edward sees it this way: ‘This was Bella's body, after all. Carlisle could say whatever he wanted, but Bella had to agree. She called the shots.’ So he has REALLY learned that lesson.
Huh: “She's probably already developed antibodies from being inside you while you're ill, and a breastfeeding baby is often the only one in a human household that doesn't get sick.” Is that true?
A sweet detail: ‘Esme watched from the sidelines, holding a video camera that was probably filming the floor at the moment, as she wasn't paying attention to anything but the child in Edward's arms.’
Clever: Carlisle ‘warmed his hands at a portable space heater in the corner of the room, then took the newborn in his arms.’ Nice name, too. (Way better than that wacko name from canon, IMO.)
Nice: Ellie ‘knew the sound and smell of Bella's body, and she gleaned deep comfort from having her mother near. No one else would do…’ Exactly the kind of comfort that Bella didn’t have from her own mother. And this made me smile: ‘Edward knew the feeling. You and me both, my love, he thought back to his newborn daughter.’
Yaay: ‘An intense, overwhelming feeling of completeness filled the empty hole that he'd lived with for so long.’
Well described: ‘She was so small, at just four pounds, that she fit curled up in his hands. … It took everything in him to be brave and handle her despite his immense strength, and yet he paradoxically yearned for her slight little body when his sister or mother held her.’
Oh, interesting: To Edward, Ellie ‘smelled a lot like Bella, whereas Mason didn't at all.’
Whew, deep breath, at least Bella survived the birth!
| RoryCullen chapter 50 . 3/16
It brought tears to my eyes, Masen's thoughts about his family especially Bella. So adorable. I'm so pleased that they have Masen living with them, a beloved part of their hearts and family and that he seems to understand why Rose is his mom, and not Bella. Great way to end your in depth, sometimes painful to read and other times beautiful love story. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I can't believe it is the first story you have written for Fan Fiction. Congratulations! I hope you are very proud of it. So May twists and unexpected turns. Thank you
| RoryCullen chapter 49 . 3/16
Very nice to hear from you through these guys again. I thought Bella was going to have to go to court about the charges against Frank, but I must have forgotten something about that. Maybe Bella decided not to file charges before they went back to England. I'm glad he got what he deserved. I hope brutally murdering him does not change Bella too much. This Bella has been through so much, it's hard to understand how she is not completely twisted. I can barely remember how this story started, I think I am going to retread the beginning because I want to remember when they first laid eyes on each other. I do remember when he kidnapped her and took her to England. I was so happy when he stepped in and saved her from her horrible father. Anyway, great chapter. I'm so relieved that Bella is Vampire now, and a whole lot less fragile.
| Renee Aubin chapter 46 . 3/16
Nice job conveying the uneasiness of Jacob’s own situation with his dad, despite having become a member of the wolf pack.
A good moment: Jacob remembers Bella supporting him during difficult times, but ‘Funny. He'd never even thought of doing the same when the tables were turned. He just left her alone to cry, dealing only with his own discomfort at seeing her pain.’ Progress.
Interesting peek into the pack dynamic:
"Why didn't he warn us?"
"Why should he?" Paul asked, sidling over. "We'll know when we need to know."
Ugh. Apparently I'd never make a good pack member!
Nice that despite the pressure to conform and please the elders, Jacob is brave enough to ask a few questions. And ultimately:
‘He had to admit the truth, and what the truth said about him.
It said he owed [Bella] big time, and he couldn't let that debt go unpaid.’
I always thought this should be true: ‘For a long time, he'd assumed he would marry her someday. … It was only after becoming a wolf that he realized her unsuitability as a partner.’
Charming (and convenient) that Mason has Emmett’s hair. And that Emmett still has his childlike enthusiasm!
Geez what an unsettling thought – that her pregnancy could just as well be longer than normal, instead of much shorter as in canon. It actually makes more sense that a more complex creature would take longer to develop. Smile: ‘She left the worrying to Edward and Carlisle, who were doing a fine job without her.’
Aww, has everyone somehow overlooked a Cullen crest for Bella? That would definitely be painful to watch a newer family member be “inducted” while she’s ignored.
Kind of amazing that Edward “lets” her go outside on her own. He should, of course, if that’s what she wants – it’s just so unlike canon Edward! Your guy has learned something about boundaries!
Wow, I was expecting Bella to see a wolf in the yard – not Charlie! His … physical decline makes good sense given his removal from his job. He did enough unhealthy drinking and lousy self-care even before that.
Whew, almost anticlimactic to have Charlie half-accidentally killed. No matter what, it’s a relief. Your description of Bella’s immediate reaction was terrific. And Edward having the patience to let her stand there quietly as long as she needed to.
Nice: ‘He was the buoy she would always reach for when demons threatened to pull her under. He was the buoy, their family the shore.’
And this time it's Bella who says "Marry me, Edward." P-e-r-f-e-c-t! Of course the father he seeks permission from, is Carlisle. Right there over Charlie’s dead body. Hah.
Now in normal circumstances a bout of flu wouldn’t be particularly worrisome, but with Edward’s history, her unique pregnancy, and “a final jab from Charlie” – I’m hearing the Jaws music!
| Banshee713 chapter 50 . 3/14
Loved it. Well, except for the long gap, but I understand that better than most, believe me. I was skeptical about the baby at first, but you dealt with it so much better than Meyer did, especially the imprint thing. Jacob feeling entitled to steal precious time with a rapidly growing child always annoyed the bejeezus out of me.
Anyhoo, sorry for not reviewing all along. I usually don't review at all but I loved this one so much I couldn't just leave it. Looking forward to more Wisp ;)
| Vwchick chapter 50 . 3/14
I just found your wonderful story, and after reading all day- and procrastinating over most of what I should have done today lol- it was an awesome read. I don't normally love the ones with "abused Bella" but I did really like how you wrote yours, how you handled her healing and I really liked your Edward and Bella. I'd have to say though my favorite parts were Rose and how wonderful she is in this. Most FF paints her as I guess you could say evil Rose? But I love protective, kick ass big sister Rose. I also was so happy you gave Rose Mason, I always wanted to see her with her own child.
Anyway I wanted just to let you know what I thought of your story, to say Thank you for taking the time to write it and just to say it's going on my favorites ! Thanks Again!
| Flowergirl chapter 50 . 3/11
Cris...love the way you ended this. It was quite a ride. Looking forward to more Wisp. Thanks.
| Kamizune chapter 15 . 3/10
That story is very intense. I know it is just fiction but the fact that these things happen every day all around the world makes it so real. Generally i dont like to read this kind of story but you are telling it with so much lifeblood... I really do hope you dont speak out of personal experience my dear. My wife was abused as a girl and she still is almost unable to let go, or, to use the clinical term, have an orgasm. I wish it was as easy as for Ed in this story to help her - at least with that...
Be assured; i will finish your story. Thank you so much.
| Wooleywews chapter 26 . 3/9
Holey crap. I'm so mad at Edward right now... But so glad Rose told him what's-what.
| sueparkinson7 chapter 50 . 3/9
I picked up this story just as you were getting to the end, so waited until it was completed to read it. Just had to tell you that I couldn't stop reading it. It's such a well written beautiful story and I loved reading it. Looking forward to getting back into Wisp now and I'm going to check out Lullaby. Please don't ever stop writing you are a brilliant,talented author.
| IAmMelissa2 chapter 39 . 3/9
I don't think I have ever read a Twilight vampire fanfic where an author so effectively intertwined the human and vamp side to the characters. In other words, we know they are vampires, but they seem more human (or "real") than otherworldly. Honestly, I sometimes forget they are vampires at all. However, you bring their vampire characteristics in just enough to keep them from seeming to be vampires "in name only." When you had Bella thinking about her concern for Carlisle in this chapter, it really hit me how well you have straddled the human/vamp line throughout the story.
| Sarah chapter 34 . 3/7
Seriously, please have somebody push Rosalie in a lit fireplace. She's not Bella's sister, and even is she was - it still wouldn't be any of her business. Edward is supposedly Rosalie's "family" too, and she doesn't give a shit about him or his feelings. She has no right to give Edward a hard time. Her threats carry no substance. And Bella hasn't asked her to butt in where Edward is concerned. Rosalie is truly a worthless character.
| Sarah chapter 33 . 3/7
Perhaps Rosalie would like strap Bella down on the kitchen table and perform the abortion herself. She is meddling and loathsome, and she has no business sticking her selfish nose into the situation. I think she should light one of the fireplaces and somebody can shove her in. IMHO
| Wooleywews chapter 6 . 3/9
Hooollliiiee crap. I'm not going to be able to stop reading this now... Amazingly well written and a major page-turner!
| Renee Aubin chapter 45 . 3/8
Geez, this Bella is actually someone who might deserve Edward: "I understand why you worry, and it's okay with me that you don't agree with what I did. I...appreciate how difficult it must be for you...how weak I must seem." She’s the same age as canon Bella but light-years ahead in insight and compassion. This line in particular stood out:
"I know what it's like to be afraid all the time. I don't want you to feel that."
‘And if [Bella’s death] had to happen, at least it would be at his hands, not Charlie's.’
Umm, I THINK that’s better, but when you put it that way I’m not so sure. I guess the main point is that it’s by her choice.
Nice: ‘He could not prevent the pain of change, but he could prepare her for it mentally, and he could soothe her fear before, during, and after.’
Wow, Edward’s thought about her and the baby’s fragility: "If you are an unguarded lamb, she is a butterfly in the wind."
Oh, crud, I hadn’t thought of this: ‘How far would the wolf pack go, he wondered, to protect the chief of police? … If Charlie died or turned up missing, would they be suspicious?’
A terrific exchange:
‘"Talk to me before you do something like this again." He was begging. He didn't care.
Bella inhaled. She did not want to agree—that was more than obvious.
Bend, he pleaded silently, wishing he could hear her thoughts as well as he heard the blood flowing through her beautiful body. Bend with me.’
A huge improvement over his thinking in canon. And it’s entirely fair that he reminds her that he’s kept a difficult promise to her: letting Charlie live.
You do such a good job of describing “the heat of desire”, how it builds and how it overwhelms reasoning. Lovely: ‘Without conscious thought, the rumbling vibration of his own happiness rolled from his chest.’
Aggravating: ‘Bella had purposefully chosen the single chair for that reason; as much as she loved Edward and wanted his support, they had to hide their relationship around Heidi.’
Well said: ‘All Heidi knew from looking at her and listening to her few words was that she seemed marginally okay. Not great. Not even necessarily secure. But, for the moment, she was holding herself together.’ Which is a lot after yesterday’s experience.
Bless Jasper for jumping in to tell the story about what happened in the diner. The other Cullens were very smooth with their input, too. I particularly enjoyed Rosalie: ‘She only barely contained herself from adding "you idiot" onto the end of her explanation…’ Leia was a big help too.
Ooh, what happens next with Charlie “depends on whether Bella and Jasper are willing to press charges." But at least “after this stunt he won't be wearing a badge anymore.” Good for Bella, she’s already sure she wants to press charges.
Sad, though, that after her diner plan ‘All that fear, all that effort, and she was right back where she'd started—trapped and frightened, sometimes unable to sleep at night...’ Without the Cullens, she’d have been a dead duck.
Sniffle: ‘Before she could strangle out his name, Edward was beside her. He swept her up in his arms, and she gripped him tightly, hiding her tears in his shirt. "I know." His voice was dark velvet, smoke-sweet, as warm with love as his skin was cold.’
I enjoyed her monologue to the baby: "I'm taking you back to Ellison House. … I think it's my favorite place in the world." After those first weeks there alone with Edward, it’s good to know that she recovered enough to appreciate the place. What a relief that her overall outlook about her future is so positive now.
Poor Edward: ‘The slightest bluish hint of a bruise freaked him out, and since Bella had not lost her inherent clumsiness, that meant he was nearly always in a state close to panic.’ He must detest having to leave her to go to school.
Wow, she got pregnant again when Mason was only four months old? I would have guessed it was more like a year. Well, her life was full of extraordinary events at that time.
And of course in celebrating Mason’s birthday, Rosalie didn’t forget Bella. "I hope you get to experience everything with her that you can't with Mason."
Interesting conversation between Bella and Rosalie about whether to turn their human children. I think Rosalie’s exactly right: “It's so personal, I can't make that decision for him.”
So we’re at eight months … thank you for not making this hybrid pregnancy into something out of a horror novel. It has been difficult, of course, but not dreadful.