Reviews for As Children After Play
Fanatic22 chapter 16 . 11/5/2015
So she has a panic attack and then she wants to make out?! Maybe I shouldn't have read wisp before I read this. I know their situations are totally different but I got use to that Bellas reaction. They seemed more realistic I guess.
Fanatic22 chapter 15 . 11/5/2015
Now i want to read an Carlise and Esme story lol.

Rose is kinda a know it all. Her delivery could be better. I don't like her attitude much.

And Im kinda confused with how I feel about Bella. She went from pleading for Edward to sleep with her to acting like a baby the next day. She's rushing their relationship. She needs help and to cope with her abuse before she can handle a physical relationship. It's only been like 2 days!

I actually liked Alice this chapter. She's the only one worried about Edward. They all have seemed to forget he's their family. Yes Bella needs help but be sensitive to Edwards feelings too. I could see why he thought it was okay to try to get her warm in the tub. I mean just last night they were intimate and it was her to persuaded him. So I would also have assumed it was okay.

But I'm glad they are not letting Alice help with the party because she would get out of control lol.
Fanatic22 chapter 10 . 11/5/2015
Does Alice think she has a new doll or something?! This girl is an abuse victim, I'm sure she doesn't give two shits about makeup and nail polish right now.

Rose says Edward doesn't know how to care for Bella but she's okay with Alice treating Bella like a broken doll? I'm sure after what happened to rose her first thought wasn't I need makeup and clothes to feel better. So she should know better.
Fanatic22 chapter 8 . 11/5/2015
Ok Alice is annoying. Bella decided she wants to hear Edward play and she snatches her away. She needs to stop.
TrillionSchiffer chapter 21 . 10/14/2015
This whole story reads OTT.

From the OTT abuse,

to Carlisle OTT Zen state just taking everything in stride. and play by the rules.

To JB OTT willingess to just ignore.

Wait I just had a thought. OTT is the wrong phrase. Its reads more like 'manufactured'. A story story with near overdosing on 'unreal'.

Some of the abuse is believable. Got a frying pan to my head myself. Cable wire to the back on more than a few occasions growing up. But some of that other stuff? SMH was quite literally unbelievable.

For example. Kicked out the house in a rain storm... believable. But, choosing to walk through the woods in said rain storm instead of going into the street and walk to the house next door or to a friends for warmth or safety... that read manufactured.

and on and on it went. one over the top case of abuse of the next, getting more and more 'eye roll to the heavens worthy' than the one before it.

Then of course was the cherry on top of all the abuse. The allowed gang R-a-p-e of BElla by charlies buddies, while he egged them on from the corner. and the resulting kid, aka the living breathing piece of evidence that could solve all the crap, if she had bothered to go the the police when she returned to phoenix? All I have to say to that is 'Really?'

Then you have 7 I repeat 7 of the most retarded vampires ever written on paper. (or typed up, ) With all their so call brain power, why o why is it so hard for them to make charlie have an 'accident'. I have thought up eighteen fricking ways to kill this dude, that completely untraceable. Hear are my top 5.

-Throw a deer in front his car, then snap his neck or stab his neck with a long piece of glass from the windshield, in the aftermath.

-When 'fishing' tip his over, and drag him to the bottom of the lake and hold him there!

-Fake a robbery, and shot him!

-Fake a shooting and SHOT him!

-And my first and favorite, make him feel like the world is closing in on him from all sides, and to the point that he committs suicide. (Thought of this in chapter 6, and was like oh boy this is going to be one of this author manufactered drama stories, that is too OTT to be cherised like it should have been if it was dialed down to a '5' or an '7'. and TA DA I was right. )

Anyway. HOW TO DO THIS? Well... after Bella made her confession. have edward 'pick' charlies brain. (you're the author, you could turn that abiliy on or off as you see fit. You've been manipulating in your favor already aka alices lack of visions for bella, and unable to see anything significant till its over. So you could do this.)

Once Edward has enough information, to know who charlies foes and allies are. He could start sending charlie messages. 'hints' from his foes that they know what he is doing. Have it come from one person, then another, and another. having charlie slowly loss his mind in guilt and worry that people around him are talking and that soon the comfy position as 'chief' would be in jeopardy, till he looks so crazed that he does get fired, and is now powerless to retaliate against all these foes, till *click* *bang!* right under the chin.

Just a thought. Juuussttt a thought. That way, you can keep it normal, the whole fam is involved. He backs off Bella. a bit the more he finds out he has bigger problems, and everything remains within 'reasonable' no 'plausible' parameters.

And if there is author manipualtion of a situation, it will be too subtle to be detected, unlike 80 percent of the stuff you've written so far. (its seriously all over the place. There is barely a chapter where something hasn't been 'tweaked, twisted, tuned up or down, or altered, to make everything else work. You say that is writing, but the great writers hide it better.)

Any hoo as I was saying about charlie. You go into all this mental introspection about abuse but so far you missed the fact that abusers don't want to be seen for who and what they are. That is why they go through the trouble of hiding it, and only come out to those of 'like minds' or those incapable of doing them harm.

So if you wanted a 300k plus story, you could started this idea at the point Bella made her confession. back in chapter 10 or ll.


On a positive not... that first kiss... the detail... the imagery... all of that... perfect. APPLAUSE. Seriously, There are these pocket moments where you leave so many behind you in the dust. That was one of them.

and that is what kept me going up to this point. To find those pocket moments where I see the only person that could've come up with this is you, and to that, another round of applause.

Seriously good job with those! SUPER HAPPY FACE!


Well those are my thoughts.

Irrevocably-Edwards chapter 46 . 9/28/2015
What happend to the amniotic fluid test that Carlisle did?
lizzieloo04 chapter 50 . 8/27/2015
I am super sad that this fanfic is over. I wanted to thank you for writing it as it was a joy to read. I have to admit that about half way through I grew annoyed with the story and was tempted to stop reading it, however, I persevered and couldn't be happier that I did so. So I encourage anyone who is losing heart to keep going because this story is wonderful and should be appreciated.
CayStar chapter 50 . 8/2/2015
This was beautiful. I read it straight through and absolutely loved it (and I don't like many Edward/Bella stories so that's really saying something).
Tiggy318 chapter 50 . 5/23/2015
Terrific story! ! ! You are such a fantastic writer!
elenalena chapter 7 . 4/8/2015
I'm feeling all emotional:) loved this chapter!
sharkjumper chapter 50 . 3/29/2015
Charlie doesn't make any sense to me.
AngeloutofDarkness chapter 26 . 3/27/2015
I can understand why Bella is frustrated with the situation and angry at Edward for taking away her freedom. But at the same time I think she is overreacting. Edward did what he did to protect her, and honestly she is just too willing to go back to Charlie for her to be trusted. I understand that she is in a crappy situation with her dad, but she has proven that she isn't capable of taking care of herself so I really can't blame Edward on any level at all.
And Bella is really taking all of this to the extreme. She says she loves Edward, but all evidence points to the contrary. To put it bluntly, she uses him for comfort and sex. I really don't see how that is okay! Yes she's hurting and yes she's confused, but so is Edward. And by clinging to him like she did and practically begging him for sex, she gave him false hope that she was finally ready to forgive him. So he gave what she wanted and needed, only to get fuck over the next morning. If this was the other way around, and the male had done that to a female, I honestly think people would have been pissed and called him an asshole.
At least that's my opinion...
I do like the story, but right now Bella and Rose really annoy me. I know you warned in the beginning that your characters weren't perfect and made mistakes, and I'm not trying to be annoying or anything by this, so I hope you don't feel like I'm trying to demote your characters or your story! Because I really do think you are a great writer, even if I don't agree with everything you write, or if your characters piss me of! :)
Guest chapter 8 . 1/31/2015
I'm enjoying the story, for the most part. But I wanted to share something, since it seems like you're trying to write characters that want to be sensitive toward an individual who has been traumatized.

The Cullens' repeated use of baby, babe, and be' be' toward Bella is disturbing. It goes beyond endearment and seems to infantasize her, or make her out to be like a helpless infant. She's not a baby. It's one thing to write a story that explores trauma and healing. It's another, and disturbing, thing to create a victim in order for characters to rescue her. The latter is a form of exploitation.

I'm going to go with the benefit of the doubt and read on. I really hope the baby pattern ceases.
SarcasticBimbo chapter 50 . 1/14/2015
Wonderful story! LOVED IT!
Jaygm chapter 50 . 1/13/2015
Absolutely amazing story! Loved it. It was very hard to read at times in the beginning when Bella was still with Charlie. You did an excellent job telling this story and wrapping up all the loose ends. Thank you so much for this.
2,412 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »