|Reviews for Metroid: Fallen|
| Caleb chapter 3 . 7/19/2010
Okay then... I admit I haven't critiqued any stories for a while and I'm not very good at it when the stuff is already good and I don't know the matter. But lets see what we can do.
First of all, the ending was better than you thought it was. It was slightly obscure, but it was good. I think if you kept the idea but rewrote it a couple times you could very easily construct a better one.
Secondly, referring to the robot soldier as "he" all the time gets a little old. I suggest you give him a name and actually use it. If you want to keep Cayman, use Cayman, but I don't think you want to refer to him as Cayman all the time as it might confuse readers. I think you should have Samus ask him what he wants to be called when they're on the ship, though I realize this may negate potential conflicts if he doesn't have the name Cayman. Another possibility is having her ask what he wants to be called after they already submit the false identity so as to prevent future incident.
I don't know how high tech of a computer Adam is, but I feel like he should be able to tell that the interference is coming from soldierbot (if it is).
Soldierbot is exceptionally agreeable, don't you think? He always follows Samus, shuts down when he's not being used as a plot device, and is very respectful of Samus's privacy. Was the memory taken, perhaps, from a zombie, or was it from someone with personality?
AND WHAT COLOR IS SOLDIERBOT? How am I supposed to visualize him if all I know is that he is a suit of armor similar to samus's?
That's all I can think of for now... although I strongly suspect you are using the video game lives system...
| Wraith Five chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
I LIKE IT!
Keep up the good work! (can't wait for next chapter!)
| Maikedellic chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
I'm always impressed with your stories, and love reading them, because you have a lot of talent. :) Usually, though, I have fun tearing them apart, because you know me, and that is me, and that's what I like to do, and I like the pretty colors when I tear things apart. I'm having so much trouble finding stuff to tear apart, though. I think you really excelled with the mood. When you were describing the red light from the backup lightstrips, and the energy bursts, and the tension, it gave me the chills. And I felt the New General's fury, even if I didn't really understand it, and I really connected with him. You brought out a lot of mood and a lot of humanity in this scene, with only a few paragraphs. This is also one of those scenes you can't really nitpick about with grammar (I like to do that xD), because the mood is so much more important. So congratulations! You did a great job on this piece, and it shows. I can't wait to read more. :)