Reviews for His Black Heart
CLAN SL chapter 1 . 9/2/2014
WAZZUP COCKLUVR WE ARE CLAN -SL- AKA THE PEOPLE WITH THE SMALLEST COCKS IN THE WORLD AND WE ARE HERE TO FUCK YOU BRUTALY UP YOUR ASSHOLE WITH OUR 1 INCH COCKS! SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY, CLAN -SL- IS GOING TO PISS IN YOUR EYE!
SideSwipe124 chapter 4 . 6/2/2012
You have now made it to the tops of my favorite writers lsit.
Dardarax chapter 4 . 7/27/2011
Man I want to see what happens next. You were gone so long that I forgot how awesome your story was. Hope you do update soon.

Let your imagination flourish.

Dardarax
Slashermare Moon chapter 3 . 2/26/2011
This is really cool and I'm glad you updated. I enjoyed reading this a lot. The characters having nicknames for each other is a good idea. I didn't find any errors.

Keep writing

Slasher
Dardarax chapter 3 . 2/2/2011
Heh, Grape.

Malefor is kind of cool, and a book worm! We have so much in common! Only, I am not sure I can be classified as cool... Darn.

Amber is cute, and definitely sounds like a puppy or a kitten. Your characters are well developed.

Keep it up.

Dardarax
Dardarax chapter 2 . 1/2/2011
Loved it. Malefor does sound very cute in this chapter, but most children are cute. A pity he becomes corrupted really, but then you wouldn't have a plot line, would you.

Looking forward to the next chapter, keep up the good writing.

Dardarax
September Forgotten chapter 1 . 8/27/2010
Quite the fanfiction, this is. The writing flows and paints a clear picture in the mind. Even description, no bare spots, nothing too heavily detailed. Despite the occasional awkwardly worded sentence, I can truthfully say you've done a good job.

I spotted only a single error in the first chapter.

[The world's creatures were waiting, for what none knew.]

One can not stress how important it is to get your possessives and contractions right. 'World's' literally translates into 'world is'; incorrect. Surely, you weren't aiming for that particular outcome.

In the second chapter, I spotted almost no errors. However, the only time you capitalise 'mother' or 'father' is if that's their name, or they are being refered to as that /in the dialogue/. I recommend editing that.

["Sure." was all he got as an answer as Arasia nudged the dragoling forward.]

Replace the first period with a comma.

Aside from the repetition... that's it for the erros. :)

I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter.

Svjetlac
Slashermare Moon chapter 2 . 8/27/2010
wow this is really good and I really wanna read more. I cant really find anything wrong with it except that you use the word The, a lot in your sentence openers. Try use words ending in ed ly or ing and that really helps... God I sound like my English Teacher

Slasher
Sight Pirate chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
You write good. Keep this going? I wanna see what's next!
The Rogue Warrior chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
Saruman Darkfang: not bad i liked it. for your next story wirte how he grow up and how he achived his dark powers.

Keep up the good work