|Reviews for The Hell Within|
| mythstoorfoot chapter 18 . 12/24/2014
Here I come with a 2-in-1 long-overdue review!
Oh my lawd, what exciting chapters. All the characters coming together at once! I love it! I still can't really say where you're going to take this fanfic, which, by the way, is a big compliment. I never know what to expect next. It's edge-of-the-seat stuff. I love the idea of Ethan, Madison and Grace all being stuck together like that - so awkwardly - and can't wait to see what you do with them.
Lauren was great in these chapters. Poor thing, I love her so. I also love how every character in the game is so well-utilised - nobody's put to waste, and everybody is moving the story forward somehow. Great character development and plotting, I say!
Plus it was cool seeing some Blake and Shelby backstory. Also, how cute that Blake is 'a man accustomed to sharing a bed with a woman'! I loved his musings to himself about not needing faith to be a good person. I never thought I'd say this, but Blake is probably my favourite character in this entire fanfic. 0_0
Grace's alibis for Ethan were really good - it makes sense she would have enough evidence to disprove him as the killer. I love how close she got to the truth too, clever girl! But will she work it out in time? Or will Ethan tell her? And I still don't know who the killer is - aaahh!
Oh yeah, and I very much enjoyed Jayden's accent mocking :P
I have no idea how you're going to end this story. And that's why it's so great. Such mystery! Such intrigue! I can't wait for the gripping finale! :D
| Japhet chapter 18 . 12/22/2014
Here it is finally! :D Sorry I was a bit late. I read it once initially when it was updated but I thought I'd come back and read it again before leaving a review. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to read through the entire thing once more, just the previous chapter. So...here it goes:
I really like the depth and personality you're imbuing to all the characters. For instance, it's interesting to see Lauren really taking matters into her own hands now. Sure she did endanger herself by going to the power plant in the previous chapter but now "sneaking" into the police station and tricking Shelby to get the documents? She's a one determined lady (well, so are many other characters too but they have Shaun's life on the line).
On top of these unique personalities you have built, they are really interacting (or have had previously done so) with each other. I'm visualizing them in a circle, with lines going towards one another. Some strong, some faint, some are doing a tug of war between each other...the complication and its future implications on the story, it's great!
Finally...what will happen on the roof?!
| Japhet chapter 17 . 8/24/2014
Ahh! I need to know what happens next! You're going to finish this story, right? Right? Please please end the torment of not knowing, at your convenience of course (but you know...can't wait!).
I've read through all of your chapters in one sitting and I'm really intrigued by the direction this story is taking. It's also quite interesting to see the character you're giving to both Grace and Blake. Their characters definitely felt underdeveloped in the game.
| CliCliW chapter 17 . 7/12/2014
Ok, so as promised, here's my next review after reading, re-reading and then skimming a third time!
To say again, I'm really loving this fic, it's downright amazing and playing out so well, so much of the character progression is so natural and believable, which is a great plus!
Overall: like I said, the characters are spot on to what I'd imagine they would be in real life and they feel super natural, right down to Lauren's "scar reaction" as I want to call it :) The flow is nice too: With the amount of time you spend on every character, there could always be the issue that flow and story progression is sacrificed for the sake of little character moments, that isn't an issue in this fic as far as I can see, so you have it really well done :)
Ethan: Taking a beating as ever. I love the whole Out-of-Body experience he has going on during the boxing match. "Ethan felt his arm swing backwards..." (and so on, I can't copy paste and I'm actually writing this while I should be getting ready for work so time is of the essence!) It's pretty clever and that's definitely what it feels like sometimes in boxing/martial arts sparring, so yay :D and oh dear, he's pretty badly beat up. *gasp* Will he complete the trials? I really can't wait to see what torment you have planed for him next *rubs hands together*
Madison: Didn't have too much going on this chapter other than saving Ethan near the end, but I don't think there was too much you could have done really so she was pretty well handled. I find it ironic that she's listening to news and watching it when she's a journalist. I don't know why. I suppose I maybe feel like they should really be making their own news and not listening to others'. Also, the switching choice between story of the year and human being (I think I remember it here) was nice to see :)
Blake (and Lauren): Getting his sensitive on, adorable. Their entire interaction is so cute, right up till he leaves. I love it :) also, it's really sad to see how much he orders takeout/Chinese to say he knows the delivery guy. I don't know if I'm pulling meaning from nothing, but that struck me. Just how lonely is Blake? The flashback was adorable too. I'm dying to know what happened to Sarah though!
Scott and Kathy: Scott still as funny as ever, and it's really great to see them making headway :) I don't have much to say about Ash, he's kind of a background or secondary character as far as I'm concerned. That's alright though: If there's many more characters it'll get confusing :)
Umm... I can't think of anything else, but if I do I'll either PM it to you or save it for next time :) Keep it up!
| sorry4beingstupid chapter 17 . 7/2/2014
I have read this whole story today and all I can say is wow...Each character (Main characters from the game) are so perfect. You do a great job writing their POV, they stay in character and are not out of character. As for the story, it's wonderful, keep writing, I want to see more. :-D
| CliCliW chapter 14 . 6/18/2014
I just wanted to take a second to review this and hope that you may get some inspiration to continue writing.
I have been reading this fiction as often as possible given the time and availability I have at the moment. Right now I find the best time for me to read is on the bus to and from my work experience. As such, I endure that awful car sickness-nausea thing. I suffer for this fiction ;)
Okay, onto the real review: I like this fiction soooooo much. I'm a bit confused as to Scott's position in this; cause from the sounds of it he's not actually the killer unless you're doing it the same as the flaming trash-can scene in the game where it all comes together.
I love love love love love love love love love (I think you get the picture :P ) Grace/Norman so much. It's just downright adorable and I need it so bad. Why do you persist in torturing me :P
At one stage I forgot Ethan existed cause he'd disappeared from one chapter for so long, then he was swimming in a pool :P
Your narratives and descriptions are absolutely amazing. Like, seriously. I love your style of writing so much. If I'm going to get back into writing fanfics it'll be because of your influence and inspiration I think :)
Also, To reply to your disclaimer, my first time playing HR I played on Normal Mode cause I didn't know what to expect and was going for the best possible ending. I got Norman killed at the very end fighting the killer, Maddie and Ethan ended up together with Shaun safe and Lauren killed Scott. I was heartbroken about Norman. Seriously ;(
Anyway, I intend to review when I reach the latest chapter again so look out for that when I manage to get to it :)
Thanks for reading this :)
| Urban Cowboy chapter 17 . 5/15/2014
Hi Ya... ma... lovely lass... many many moons ago ah lost da hope of ever seein ya name flash on da fan fiction ranch... but by da grace of jesus fuckin christ here ye are again! am ah glad ta see ya... or am ah glad to see ya! another great treat of a chapter, Ethan fightin and Blake romancin... wow... nevah thought would see that on da same page... excellently done... Grace is emotional but firm and Normie is turnin into a proper goggle...spectacle... glasses addict with a life time supply of triptowhatewah ! ya handle layers of story tellin like a real mastah... much more power to ya... ah can only hope and pray to da gods of ranches and wide spaces that ya keep the juices flowin and chapters comin in quicker succession... warm regards from the campfire...
| SOUL SEARCHER chapter 17 . 4/27/2014
nice and competent as usual. combining the threads of so many characters is a mammoth task. crisply done. do it quicker.
| GREASED LIGHTNIN chapter 17 . 4/27/2014
YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAA... FINAAALYYYYYYY... SEE WHO CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD...IF YA DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO GIVE UP ON YA THIS HAS TO BE MORE FREQUENT THAN A BLUE MOON FEATURE! ANYWAY... POOR ETHAN GETTING HIS ASS KICKED AND BLAKE AS CLOSE TO ROMANCING AS HE CAN...WOW... ROLE REVERSAL... BUT CAN YA PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ STOP AT LEAST A COUPLE OF THEM... ANY COUPLE FROM CHATTERING AND START BONKING EACH OTHER! PLZ PLZ PRETTY PLZ... WELCOME BACK FROM ZOMBIELAND... DON'T GO AWAY
| Thelann chapter 17 . 4/15/2014
Finally! The wait was long, but it was worth it. Your portrayal of the Heavy Rain characters is as realistic as always. I must admit that I had no clue what was happening for the first couple paragraphs since it had been so long. Once everything started to come back, however, the chapter was captivating till the end.
Good luck to you with your fiction-writing aspirations (we're all rooting for you), and any chance we could get a link to your Divergent review? I'd love to give it a read and see what you thought of the movie.
| BlackxValentine chapter 17 . 4/14/2014
I love your characterization of Lieutenant Blake and I love the relationship that you're building between him and Lauren. It's because of you that I am now interested in them as a couple, haha.
| Dracona Mortis chapter 17 . 4/14/2014
Woohoo! I'm so glad you continued! This fanfic is awesome, hilarious at times, and overall just cool. I can't wait to see what happens next, and am pumped to see the next trial! *Pumps fists in the air* Keep up the awesome work :D
| mythstoorfoot chapter 16 . 10/4/2013
I was looking through this fic and couldn't believe that I had somehow forgotten to read this chapter. So here it is at long last, and sorry about my very very lengthy delay!
Aw, I love Shelby and Blake together like they're in some sort of buddy sitcom. Their chemistry is just brilliant.
Your dialogue between Lauren and Blake was so perfectly spot-on. I swear every time I read this fanfic it just keeps getting better and better, chapter by chapter. I loved how Lauren is still angry with Blake but he just doesn't have time for her anger. And "I charge for peepshows" - I was genuinely scared sitting at my desk!
I know I've told you this before but I'll tell you again: I don't know how you keep track of all these characters so well and keep the action moving forward so fluidly. And make me care for them all so deeply, all at the same time. I don't want Ethan to get hurt just as much as I want Grace to know what's happening and for Norman to solve it all. Your skills have always been impressive but it seems to me they're getting honed to a knife-edge in this fanfic. Not a single word in this chapter was wasted - every one had an impact and a meaning. It makes everything feel tight, tense, important. Love your style of writing at the moment.
Lastly - thank you for continuing to write this even with so much going on in your life. It means so much to all your readers, and to me personally, to know that you can persist. And it gives me hope for my own fanfic writing. I just wanted you to know that you are an inspiration to me. :) You keep going girl!
| Xattack-on-fandomX chapter 16 . 8/24/2013
I love it I'm definetly shipping BlakeXLauren :D
| Kitty chapter 16 . 8/13/2013
I hope you write a sequal to this story , I really loved it ! Keep up your amazing work.