|Reviews for Complete Turnabout|
| Andrea Foxx chapter 17 . 10/30/2010
OK, so I comment yesterday and lo and behold there is a new chapter today. I roll myself out of bed on a lazy Saturday morning and boot up my laptop and this is what I find. What a way to make the heavens open up and the angels sing over my breakfast bagel.
... I shudder at the idea of Gumshoe driving. I am sorry, I was thinking it last chapter but... suspicions confirmed. Gumshoe driving is a horror saga.
I had guessed Mia's incarceration had somehow been over Damon Gant. And the RAEG I was thinking of just caught up with Phoenix, though I wouldn't think it would take thinking of Gant to think of it...
It's so weird hearing about the story in the games all flopped like this. I guess that's the mark of a good story. It all makes sense, but... phew, making my skin crawl.
... I really, really hope the Jerk!Phoenix isn't in Canon!Phoenix's world. That would be awful...
| manhattan martini chapter 17 . 10/30/2010
Halfway through the chapter, I started thinking about Kay; I'm glad you managed to squeeze her in. It's glorious, watching as the characters from different games and different times come together.
I adore, adore this story. Never stop writing it!
| James Birdsong chapter 17 . 10/30/2010
Good three chapters.
| starlingnight chapter 17 . 10/30/2010
- OH YEAHHHH, BADASS PHOENIX IS IN THE HOUSE.
-Wonder if Phoenix had some incident in his life, like Edgeworth's DL-6, that made him scared of heights? His acrophobia is brought up a lot in this chapter.
- Yes, Phoenix has changed a LOT in the games...I even wrote a short fic about it.
- I actually really like the idea of jerk!Phoenix, and I want to see him. I really like it when normal!Phoenix is associated with jerk!Phoenix, for some reason..
- Reading this fic is like playing the games. I'm really, really enjoying it. Also, Phoenix's Genre Savvy is awesome.
- It's a Big Lipped *Kayligator* Moment, obviously~!
- I really need to see Higurashi.
- Overall, I highly enjoyed this chapter and can't wait for the next!
| Andrea Foxx chapter 16 . 10/29/2010
OK, I am a terrible conservative when it comes to fanfiction. I firmly believe that fanfiction should be like the origin material, perhaps with a flipped aspect, divergent what-if, or some other spice to it. It's like wanting to hear 'and then what happened' after you are watching the credits of a game or closing a book's back cover.
This is one of those.
This could have been a game. All of the characters are spot on and perfect. The emotional trauma is well done without being overblown. The tone is right. The game mechanics worked in and used to the fullest. This. Could. Have. Been. A. Script. It should have been, even.
Because this is cool.
I don't think that the chapters are getting repetitive... I think that the adherence to the structure of the games is very much needed. It's like letting everybody else play your own game.
Not to mention Phoenix's commentary is spot on. He sounds like Phoenix. Makes me wonder where the 'other' Phoenix is... D: D:
| Anon chapter 16 . 10/28/2010
I'm speechless (in a good way).
There's so much to say, but the most pressing thing on my mind is this: What's happening in Attorney!Phoenix's world? Are they trying to bring their Phoenix back? I can imagine ghost Mia popping up and going "boo!" to everyone's surprise, or Pearl (since she has l33t spiritual powers) somehow communicating with Phoenix (which could lead to lulz if done at the right moment). The biggest question of all though, is of course the question of is anyone from Attorney!Phoenix's world going to show up at all?
Looking forward for a new update. It's rare to find such a solid level of quality, and this was the first Ace Attorney fanfic I've read! Score!
| S.R.H. Fade chapter 16 . 10/27/2010
Oh…and you know how I'm done with Turnabout Goodbyes? Yes? Well, now I know how all those witnesses felt like when they couldn't remember something, had Phoenix show them a piece of evidence, and then they remembered all of a sudden. Because at the end of Turnabout Goodbyes is a certain conversation…
*bangs head against wall*
And you even TOLD me…FROM THE BEGINNING, way back when this story was just a stray idea in your head! Yet I didn't remember the whole BASIS, the very foundation of this story! It explains so much! (Probably because a) I didn't think you'd actually do it and b) I wasn't really concerned with Ace Attorney at the time…
I feel very dumb right now. But it's all good because I got a full three hours worth of laughing out of that quote. Edgeworth made it absolutely PERFECT with: "Want to switch, Wright?"
Several people wondered why I was laughing so much, and so now I think I've secured you a few more readers, Neni. You're welcome. ;]
Now I have this huge theory that it wasn't DL-6 that was changed, it was something to do with Larry… Because, well, you know…"If something smells, it's usually the Butz," right?
Just because I'm so nit-picky, I shall point out that you started out two lines IN A ROW with the word "Well."
Well… I should probably list the odd things now, shouldn't I?
Well, firstly: It was pink. The room was PINK.
Yes, Phoenix. The room is pink. But I'm more distracted with the fact that both lines started with "Well." It bugs me. A lot.
Next: GRAMMATICAL ISSUES! THE GRAMMAR NAZI STRIKES AGAIN! *sigh*
"But those two concepts are contradicting each other!" I exclaimed without thinking, my finger flinging out like a bullet, right into the direction of Maggey's forehead.
Ohoho, I give you credit for the bullet metaphor, because it was totally right in a lot of ways for some inexplicable reason, but the rule concerning one person's dialogue that's been cut into two paragraphs is that the quotations mark… uh… wait, hang on. I'll just show you.
"But those two concepts are contradicting each other!"
There. Now I'm happy. The second quotation mark is deleted to show that the person isn't done speaking, but the first quotation mark on the next paragraph stays. Does that make sense, or am I confusing you?
Next, I must say that yes, Lilie has been annoying so far and more or less a pompous brat, but this… THIS is the second moral event horizon crossing.
SHE DID NOT JUST DISS MAGGEY AND GUMSHOE'S WEENIES.
AND SHE DID NOT JUST TAKE THEM.
God, how low can she GET? I just…rrrnnggghhh…REALLY want to punch her.
Please, PLEASE Phoenix, take those weenies back. Or I'll punch you too.
Or at least sue her, like you thought about doing. Weenies should be more than good enough grounds to sue the socks off a brat who deserves it.
The conversation between Maggey and Phoenix when she mentioned his bad prosecuting and then tried to cover up was sweet. It wasn't too dramatic, it wasn't too glossed-over… I liked it.
But now I'm making a mental note: "This guy is not as stiff as he'd like everyone to believe…"
You know, when the fifteen-year-old boy came in, the first thing I thought of was Apollo? The ages totally match! :D
Huk! Hang on, the Grammar Nazi has yet another complaint! Where are the commas in the dialogue? See, look:
"That's not too bad. I think I've seen him here before." Maggey told me.
That should be like this:
"That's not too bad. I think I've seen him here before," Maggey told me.
Hrmmm… I'm too lazy to explain all the rules of dialogue… Yeah, I'll just stop there before the Grammar Nazi inside insists on explaining every single dialogue scenario…
Seeing Phoenix "fight fire with fire," as he put it, was sort of interesting, because something didn't sit right with me. He seemed a bit too…confrontational? He doesn't seem to be a direct person, someone who would be so forward like that, even if he was ticked—which he was, even it it wasn't totally clear in that particular part of the story, since the reader sort of forgets he's angry at Heatherd after that whole conversation with Maggey. But anyway, just that little section didn't sit right with me…
Uh…Lilie…and that teenager? Are a couple? And she's 26, he's 15…
Then again, reading more, Phoenix notices something a bit strange with her demeanor when she starts threatening Phoenix because of "Lanny." Is there something more? And then he says he feels like he's "seen it somewhere before…"
You know what? That little speech of Lilie's? That's important. It's too out of place and strange for Lilie to abruptly say to not be important. I'm writing it down. I want to remember it.
Reading this, yes, the improvement is great, but you still have some ways to go. The reviewer who said your style hasn't fully matured knew what he/she was talking about, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the improvement part before I can go on to joining him/her on the criticism side. But I'm getting there! It'll take a while for me to disassociate the LCTW-level of writing with you.
For now, I'll remind you that the sentences are still awkward, especially with some lacking descriptions… It particularly hit me when Maggey was running to help "Dylan Sengage" up after he tripped, because it was…more or less, badly handled in that part…
So, you have a forum in Court Records dot Net, a TV Tropes recommendation, and a TV Tropes PAGE. (I don't have a page… T-T But considering how I haven't updated in forever, maybe I don't deserve one ;) And go look at this:
w ww . fanfiction s / 63118 71 / 43 / #
That's strange little AU fic about Phoenix getting found guilty in case 1-2 and subsequently Edgeworth getting found guilty in case 1-4, since no Phoenix defending means no "not guilty" Edgeworth. Some crazy stuff happens and somehow Gregory Edgeworth and Mia Fey wind up getting channeled so they can defend their kid and protégé, respectively.
The chapter I'm showing you should be self-explanatory, no?
…I just checked out the forum thing on the Court Records dot Net. Franziska is literally unchanged from the games, so no comment on that. Bowtie-Edgeworth was hilarious to see, mostly because he looks so NICE, not the usual I-will-and-can-melt-through-plastic-with-my-glare Edgeworth, and I kind of giggled when I looked close enough at Phoenix's jacket to see the prosecutor's badge. And Diva Maya was pretty funny, too, because she looks like Maya, but is just more…scantily clad. _ Gotta love show biz.
But…now I've got a few questions. Care to explain why Kay Faraday, Trucy Wright (Gramarye?), and Apollo Justice are on that banner? And what the hell is Apollo wearing? …Is that a Japanese middle-school outfit? Or a pizza delivery uniform? Or Star Trek cosplay? Ahh, the world shall never know until you update… ;]
| S.R.H. Fade chapter 15 . 10/26/2010
So as I'm rereading this after a few weeks, what once again strikes me is how much of an improvement this is over LCTW… I'm sorry, I know I keep harping on about that, but it's TRUE, and after reading LCTW and associating that with you for so long, the difference between LCTW and CT keeps coming back to hit me over and over!
But after this…there's the NEXT step! Yes, there's a next step. Kicking your writing level up yet ANOTHER notch! Refining each and every sentence until it GLEAMS, pruning unnecessary words so the sentence is streamlined and replacing every verb you see during editing runs with stronger ones each time, and then adding more carefully-crafted descriptions about everything important…
So now I'm going to adjust my standards accordingly and point out just a few things that bug me.
-If Nick wasn't narrating this thing, I'd argue that descriptions are lacking. You can more than definitely get away with this kind of narration, though, because it's a first-person narration, and narrations are always reflective of the narrator—in this case, Phoenix. So I guess I'm saying more descriptions would be nice, but too much would actually make it look strange. Is that confusing?
-There's a bit of an overuse of three dots (…) to indicate pauses, and a rather abnormally large amount of sentences end with three dots, when usually not that many sentences do end trailed away like that. And yes, some dialogue does end with three dots, but it's a very odd sight to see the "…" symbol used at the end of sentences in narration.
-Paragraphs and organizing still could use some work. A lot of the paragraphs don't even qualify as paragraphs, they're so short, and could easily be combined with other paragraphs to create longer ones that flow better. Just an example from the area my screen happens to be… Um… Here:
The detective laughed.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, pal! Your secret is safe with me."
That could easily be changed to a single paragraph, you see?
-Some sentences are a bit awkward, usually because of funky verb handling. This, though, I'm chalking up to the language thing.
-In normal literature, people do not say "…?" or "…!" When the games use it, it irritates even me, because it's not proper use of grammar at all. But then again, it might just be me who's irritated by it, because I just realized I'm actually quite the Grammar Nazi. And the use of colons (e.g. "He laughed: 'That's alright with me!'" vs. "He laughed, 'That's alright with me!'") also irritates me, but I know that's because of the differences between German grammar and English grammar.
-There's unnecessary words in here that sometimes obstruct the flow of the story, making the sentences seem a little bulky at places… The less useless words, the better.
(Of course, please keep in mind that my own story has defied ALL the advice I told you right here and I know this… I'm trying to follow my own advice, too. *sigh*)
Now, we both know I've gotten a quite a long way through the first game, right? Turnabout Goodbyes was literally completed in less than a day (and I must say, the taser-electric-stun-thing from Manfred was absolute win and resulted in myself and several friends imitating von Karma's finger-wiggle for a good hour or so while laughing like idiots and coming up with the catchphrase "PIMPIN' MANFRED", which is a horrible derivitive of the song "Cygnus" by Miku, which turned to the Pimpin' Cygnus when I drew a strange drawing and now we replaced the Cynus with Manfred…but…uh…I'm getting off topic… ;) and I'm now in the Day 3 Former Trial in Rise from the Ashes. But now that I've played the actual game, I can say with COMPLETE AUTHORITY that:
a) this fic copies the feel of the games so closely it's scary and I'm half-expecting someone to make a fangame out of this anytime now (and if/when that happens, I will not be surprised AT ALL), and
b) everyone (at least everyone I know; I wouldn't know about Franziska, since I haven't played Justice for All) is fantastically in-character, which is a lot more than pretty much all the other fanfiction writers. Especially Phoenix, since all his actions, thoughts, and even his narration style is just so like him.
Moving on to the next thing that hits me…Maya's anger towards Phoenix.
I knew when I was reading this before that it's supposedly painful to see, but to me, I didn't see it. We both know why: I didn't know what the real relationship between those two was. But after seeing those two together in the game, and then almost immediately comparing their friendship to the relationship between Phoenix and Ema Skye just to solidify the proof that Maya and Phoenix's friendship is truly a bond of amazing strength, I have to say it's much, much more shocking to see how emphatically she hates him, even if by the end of the chapter her "hate" has been called into question.
And it was kind of strange… At some point during her rants about how much she doesn't like him and wouldn't touch him with a hundred-foot pole, my brain just locked and disassociated the person she was speaking about with Phoenix. Like my brain just said, "You know what? She's not talking about Nick. That's just not possible. She's talking about a douchebag called Prosecutor Wright. And that's is in no way, shape, or form, to any intents or purposes, the Phoenix Wright who's narrating this thing. THE END."
And then I spit my drink all over my computer when she said "Good!" because now it's like that word will always be associated with hilariously mean one-liners now. First the CDi games, then this… :D
Onto normal content about the chapter:
-Finally Franziska is under control! Yay! And since Nick usually doesn't really stand up for himself (if he does it's always in his thoughts), it was somehow a really nice moment to see.
-Edgeworth was interrogating Phoenix and Maya in their sleep. W. T. F.
-It's is either a CMOA or a CMOF… You know, the part where Edgeworth implies that they are a "couple"… I dunno, I thought it was hilarious and when I say "rofl," I mean that literally.
-This chapter was a lot more emotionally charged than I first remembered it. I just remembered the cross-examination and the whole Maya/Phoenix implication, but I didn't remember Maya breaking down or Phoenix going all "STOP BADGERING THE WITNESS" on Edgey. Btw, what was with Edgeworth's smirk on that one? Seriously, it's like nothing's changed even if they're standing on opposite sides of the courtroom… Edgeworth's still the one with all the cards. _
-I definitely agree with Phoenix. Maya is not someone I can imagine having a boyfriend. ESPECIALLY with Phoenix. There are girls you imagine having boyfriends, and then there are the girls who might be the cause of the all the wormholes/black holes/time paradoxes in the universe because someone tried to imagine them in a romantic relationship.
-It's funny how he says "I was starting to ponder what might be the quickest and, most importantly, least expensive way to get a Driver's License…" when he's a prosecutor now, which means that if he opened his bank book he'd probably faint from the balance recorded there. It's like it's ingrained in Phoenix's head to be a cheapskate.
-You know what I just noticed, like, ten chapters too late? Ema doesn't eat Snackoos in Rise from the Ashes… Phoenix wouldn't know she eats Snackoos here, because he brain-bleached himself of everything from AJ… The Snackoo bag's in the Court Record… Is it important? I'm guessing it is, but just now the AJ reference is striking me odd for no reason. And the badge that's also on the Court Record… Now I kind of want to know which badge it is. Was it stated before?
Yes… I noticed the reference to the Mitsuhodo pairing and I thought, "What, is it fanservice/shipping day?" And then I remembered that by referencing fan pairings, you're actually making the fic EVEN MORE like the actual games. Even more hilarity ensued.
But speaking of shipping…isn't Maya/Phoenix practically the most normal pairing out there? Even though she's so much younger than him, it still is the most normal compared to other pairings (e.g. Phoenix/Edgeworth, Apollo/Trucy, Phoenix/Kristoph, Phoenix/Apollo—wait, why are these all GS4 characters?) and if Edgeworth wasn't so popular, Maya/Phoenix would probably be the most popular one.
Anyway. I'll review 16 tomorrow.
And…ah…one last thing. 121 reviews now, hm?
Let's make a bet. I wager you'll break 300 reviews by your 30th chapter. (For the record, I'm at chapter 35 right now, and I'm still at 293.) So I'm betting your review counter will more than double by the time you manage to get fourteen more chapters out.
Does that seem like too big an expectation? I'm not changing my wager, Neni…
| jgf1123 chapter 4 . 10/20/2010
So far, I've read the first 5 chapters. The characters act like they do in the games, and the scenario has the hallmarks of a classic Ace Attorney case. The writing style with small paragraphs and Phoenix's frequent parenthetical thoughts and ellipses everywhere takes some getting used to (the style also makes it appear your writing has not reached full maturity), but it does match the game well. I like the fic and will continue reading it.
My biggest complaint, so far, is that continuous usage of "that girl," "that recent trial," "that incident," etc. Okay, Phoenix is trying to bluff his way out of ignorance, but any normal person talking to him would occasionally refer to whatnot by name. Instead, it's seen as a cheap and annoying way to maintain suspense.
| pearldrops chapter 16 . 10/18/2010
I am in love with this.
I remember reading this story on Court Records when it was still progressing, and then I lost the link and therefore lost the story.
And then you updated, and then I found it!
As previously stated, I am in love with this. I have no clue whatsoever to how things will work out, but I really do hope that they do.
Lilie Heatherd is a very interesting woman.
Keep on updating!
| RiddikulusGrin chapter 16 . 10/18/2010
I love it. Your writing is fantastic, and i found myself trying to crack the locks before phoenix did :)faved!
| starlingnight chapter 16 . 10/18/2010
-Every time I see a new chapter of this fic in my inbox, I feel so much happier. It's a joy to read this fic :) I really enjoy your writing, it's not repetitive, and if it is it doesn't grate.
-My first thought when we reached the cafeteria was where the bloody hell did Umbridge come into it? Honestly, the design style in the cafeteria is completely Dolores Umbridge.
-The courthouse café is a maid café? What is this I don't even
-Poor Maggey :(
-Oh, this definitely has something to do with GS4. The moment Phoenix mentioned 'losing your badge' he had another dizzy spell..
-That whole thing with the 'hypothetical fourth person' actually seems to mirror 4-1, where Phoenix was trying to convince the court that Kirstoph was there.
-Phoenix, thank you for finally being a badass. Be a badass more, plz.
-"Just like a game… And every case is like a level. Of course you 're always right. You're the protagonist. You can't fail." ahahhahaah.
-THIS FANFIC HAS ITS OWN TVTROPES PAGE OHYEAHHHH. *goes to check out*
| RhymeBeat chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
It isn't a dream. I loved your fan fic so I made a TVTropes page. Unforntuantle I missed the memo that we're not supposed to use the TroperWorks namespace, especially because I don't know your handle.
As for this chapter the last minute surprise witness reeks of the "actual murder victim" bit even if that is the case a good chunk of the mystery is understanding how and why. Especially while Phoenix is still working out what happened in this universe.
| Detective Ethan Redfield chapter 16 . 10/17/2010
You're writing is not getting repetative. Relax, you're doing an excellent job. I'd even go as far to say that this story is the best Phoenix Wright Fanfiction I've read.
Just keep doing what you've been doing. You have the Ace Attorney style down better than all the others, and your understanding of the characters is stunning. When I read it, I feel like I'm actually there with Wright as he broke the psyche locks.
| YAXON chapter 16 . 10/17/2010
Hmm... This Chapter, I admit, did not have too much going on in it. So, we learn the identity of the mystery fingerprints, Maggey's lunch gets stolen but could've been recovered, and Heatherd's Psyche-Locks are broken. Finally. After five to seven chapters of making us wonder what Heatherd is hiding, we get to the heart of it. But only when Wright cross-examines Dylan will we find the significance of this new witness. But that won't happen for a little bit, and I'm just guessing here.
There is still a lot to clear up. For example, while everything else is being made one big mystery, I think my attention's on that dart that had a little blood on its tip. The dart hasn't been brought up too much, and it might be a clue as to who the killer is, seeing as how the mystery prints belong to a kid. I won't hold my breath, though. I don't think we're seeing the whole picture just yet.
Anyway... Keep us guessing for as long as you can. :) (What are the consequences of what I've just done? XD)