Reviews for Addicted to You
Fangthehedgewolf chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
...I just watched the new Robocop...

(Murphy beat the machine!). X) (way better than the original!)

Sorry...totally off the I just HAD to tell someone!
couriosity chapter 1 . 10/26/2013
Funny how Jazz sees love as an addiction.
TheGhost129 chapter 1 . 1/26/2013
...Uh...No comment.. .
CatsPrivateBedroom chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Well Done
StarscreamII chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
Their relationship is certainly a strange one, is it not?

Sorry Prowl, even you have to give in to Jazzy sometimes. ;P
sierpinsky chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
"Don't you have something you should be doing?"

"Yeah, you."

BEST. LINE. EVER.

PJ lovin is yummy. I love your epic writing style. Suits this piece really well.
ElementalFallenStar chapter 1 . 1/26/2011
THAT WAS SO HOTLY AWSOME!
Silver chapter 1 . 1/25/2011
So. Fragging. HOT.

Listened to this song this morning! Totally new meaning to it.

You are a genuis. I luvs you. x3
femme4jack chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
That was intensely hot. Prowl losing control is just...mrrrr. Very nicely done.
Fa-la-la-la-lah la-la lah lah chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part TEN (final)

Office shenanigans are always worth it, silly Jazz. Delightfully written scene, as usual, and as usual, I really, really don’t know what to say about it. It was fun? It WAS fun P

And there it is – the masterful oneshot comes full-circle to the beginning. Now we know that it’s not just Jazz that’s addicted, but Prowl too, and they are together in all of this. They’re both ‘fragging addicted’, as you said right up there at the beginning. No cure – no need for a cure. It’s its own cure.

Beautiful ending line. Beautiful piece. Perfect present with which to have rewarded your loyal reviewers *hug*

Now... I am devoid of wit. This will have to be a witless ending. This review really took it out of me, and I just realized how many chapters behind I am on LG. As such, it will not be getting monster reviews, but rather depressingly average ones. I hope you know that doesn’t mean I think any less of them than I do of this oneshot. If time allowed (if my brain’s capacity for analytics before poofing into a rather spectacular mass of goo allowed), every chapter you write would be reviewed like this one was at the beginning. In case you’re interested in statistics, no I did not manage to keep up with my 1:138 word ratio that began at the first line, but the final product is one of 1:4.6 (discounting the second half, when I was running on fumes, the ratio is 1:13), which I still think is worth a pat on the... brain goo. This was so much fun, and I really did enjoy this oneshot – totally worth the obscenely long wait _

*glomp*
Deck the halls n Prowl w holly chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part NINE

Then right the way back to that very beginning line, but now the mystery is solved. We know it all. We have all the information. ‘An addiction was fostered and fed’ – an amazing, life-altering, world-changing addiction to your other half and the best thing that had ever happened in the lives of either one of them. This addiction is so different, not least because it’s something ‘fostered’, cared for like one would a precious child, and ‘fed’, like any sort of plant, animal, flame – anything that requires upkeep. And of course this notion of feeding implies that its growth need never stop. Their obsession will continue as long as they both shall live.

And then you bring it back to the idea of an addiction as something had by an addict – and what does the addict need? The fix, of course. And Jazz, ‘the wild thing’, perhaps the wildest bot on the face of the planet, would of course be a very exuberant junkie. And after all, if your obsession and addition is a love this unbelievably powerful, why would you ever not want to be feeding it?

‘Like now’. Ho boy, we’re about to see some NSFW content. That’s okay. I’m at home. Bring on the explicit content. My brain is about to explode from the effort of typing out this review thus far, and I just opened the chapter on a web page (I’ve been deleting stuff from a Word document as I comment on it), and realized – holy crap, I’m not even half-way through this chapter XD Bring on the mindless p0rn! I can’t comment on it (I think my head really would explode if I tried), but I can surely enjoy it 8D

Enter Prowl. The first time we’ve seen him during this entire narrative. No, wait, actually, we haven’t seen him quite yet; we just know he’s there. It’s really rather interesting to be seeing him from this perspective, having been hearing about what an incredible person he is for such a long time, and here he is, in the... armour! Jazz’s addiction, obsession, love. The guy has been musing about how wonderful their interactions are, and how good they are for each other, their little perfectly matches spars both mental and otherwise that keep them fine-tuned and at the top of their game.

It’s therefore almost a shock when Jazz proposes one of these interludes that we’re been trained to see as being so darn awesome – and Prowl turns it down flat. ‘No.’ ... No? Is something wrong, here? Ah, but then I realize I’m not giving them enough credit. Hasn’t Jazz just spent the past however many paragraphs telling me how he loves it when Prowl challenges him, particularly when he’s at his ‘most tempting’, and so many other bots would just be swooning all over the place at his immense charm and appeal? What kind of a challenge would the guy be if he conceded instantly every time Jazz made a suggestion, hmm? There’s the Prowl Jazz loves so much. Not only is he issuing a challenge, but a ‘sexy little’ one. Oh Jazz, you strange creature, we love you so XD Holding little conversations with Prowl inside your head – he knows him so well that he doesn’t even need to hear Prowl speaking to know what he’s saying. And what he’s saying... well, okay, it’s a pretty sexy little challenge. ‘I dare you to change my mind, Jazz. If you're half the mech you think you are, change my mind. Do it. I dare you.’ Sounds like a challenge to me! A most excellent one indeed. ‘Imagination’, right. ‘Determination’ sounds more like it – if Jazz wants his Prowl, well then by golly he’s going to get his Prowl no matter what said Prowl has to say to the contrary. He wants Jazz to change his mind? Consider it changed XD I love also that Prowl is a bot unlikely to express himself eloquently... at all, particularly when it comes to affairs of the heart and the seat of emotions – and you point out of course that Jazz has just ‘the right kind of imagination’ to glean exactly what Prowl means to say from the least of information. They’re perfectly suited to communicate with each other.

He’s right, Prowl – ‘because’ is not an answer. You’d get yelled at in school for that nonsense. How very illogical of you. Oh baby, if you are indeed trying to get Jazz to leave, you're doing a poor job. You’re even getting me curious about what it would take to get you to change your mind, and I have no interest in getting into your... armour. Jazz, you kinky thing, you. You’re actually getting turned on by Prowl being obtuse XD It’s so sweet that he’s willing to make concessions for Prowl such as this – overlooking humiliation or dismissal is darn difficult, but of course Jazz is looking at this through his, ‘Prowl is Issuing Sexy Challenge’ goggles, so it’s not a problem. It’s not a dismissal, but an invitation to try harder, slacker. Or so Jazz seems to be reading it. That doesn’t quite appear to be what Prowl means – he is working, after all P

Aw, that’s a good line, Jazz man. That’s a good line. ‘Ah want the best. That’s why Ah’m here.’ An excellent line, actually. I might note that one down for future reference. You great big charmer, you. And it worked! Success! Huzzah! Prowl is looking up from his work with a different light in his eyes. We all know what that light is! *nudge nudge* In his ‘too-sharp, too-enticing optics’ – you phrase it like it’s a bad thing, but we know now that both his diamond-sharp perception and his addictive self are what Jazz adores so much about him. Couple that with a sexy smirk that you’re not quite allowed to see? Forget about it. A taunting, teasing Prowl. Only with Jazz D It’s so small, you make sure we realise that this almost-smirk is just about a nothing, ‘not quite a crack’ in his shell, but Jazz is just so delightfully far gone that this non-smirk is enough to get him ‘hooked anew’. Jazz my sweet, you are whipped. I love you that way.

Round One – won by Jazz. There will be funky time. Now to win Round Two and get that ‘later’ pushed up to NOW.

Just keep staring that wonderful stare, Jazzy. It’s working its magic... let it loose. You’re wearing him down – and I suspect you know it.

Prowl, you filthy boy! Lol, their back-and-forth is making me smile. Really, Prowl, you think you can be all sexy and spew out your double-entendres left and right and then expect Jazz to wait until the end of your shift to cash in that sexy little promise in your eyes? I think not! And now you’re making Jazz think about how much he loves loving you... yeah, I think there’s no escape for you by this point. ‘Passion to melt the sun’. Where do you come up with this? That is so poetic, so very extreme and yet so far removed from any cliché that it’s just so powerful without any cheese or corn or other such undesirable foodstuff. I bet the room is heating up, you foxy pair.

‘He wasn’t the kind of mech to purposely deny gratification when it was sitting right in front of him’. Yeah, Prowl is screwed. He can turn Jazz on just be being – and there he is sitting in front of him being all almost-smirky and smutty. You’re going to have to take a break from your work very soon, sweetheart. Why would he stop staring at you, Prowl? You and I both know he’s going to jump you just as soon as he can’t stand it anymore XD

Shame for Jazz that Prowl has such extreme self-control. Just another way in which they manage to balance each other out.

I feel we’re getting into T-rated territory. This is good. I feel like I need a treat after typing all that out. My brain is literally goo. I’m desperately trying to keep giving you proper reviewing, but I’m rapidly running out of steam. Do please excuse my comments becoming sparser from this point on.

It’s so sweet that Jazz looks over Prowl’s frame and is forced again and again to say how plain and not-at-all-special it is – and yet despite that he’s totally hot for it. It’s the Prowl in the frame that he’s interested in. Prowl could probably be the most malformed SOB on the planet, and Jazz would still be giving him the stiff one-eye. Aw, it’s so sweet when you finally come out with it – Prowl’s not all that special on the outside, but oh on the inside he is filled with ‘enthralling beauty’. Jazz, you are so far gone. He’s turned on by Prowl’s confusion. Baby, baby, you’re so insanely in love it’s way past adorable. Prowl, if you knew half of what was going through Jazz’s head right now, you would already be leaping for the other side of the desk. How could anyone resist someone who loves them that much?

Completely fragging addicted, Jazz my darling. You’re right – there is no hope for you. You might as well just go with it _

Whoa Jazz, whoa. You do not mess with the Prowl’s datapads O_O

‘An enthralling mixture of anger and lust’. Yep, Jazz will do that to a person. AHAH! I told you Prowl would be leaping over the desk! Didn’t I say? 8D

Of course he couldn’t wait, Prowler. You had ME blushing with the force of JAZZ’S love for you. How could you possibly expect Jazz himself to resist you? Ah well, at least Prowl is seeing the humour in all of this. Maybe Jazz will indeed be getting himself some nookie after all.

Hah, are they fighting or foreplaying? I can’t even tell XD

Okay, the p0rn has begun. We will return to our irregularly scheduled reviewing after these messages. Over to you, Jazz and Prowl.

***

See Part TEN (final)
This is a BEAST chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part EIGHT

But of course, understanding a person is a strong step towards liking them. As you say, with a perfect sense of the simple progression, ‘understanding became enjoyment’. It’s not enough to understand a person to become close to them. But they’re so well attuned, of course it’s only logical that Jazz would begin to like this person who is filling up gaping holes in himself he’d been so carefully and blindly ignoring. But it’s not just ‘like’ – ‘enjoyment’. It’s something far more active and engaging. It’s fun, and entertaining. How long had it been since Jazz could say he actually enjoyed the company of anyone? The Decepticons aren’t known for being especially chummy, and Jazz would be the least likely one there to be ‘chummy’ in any sort of degree. The idea of it is even kind of ridiculous. And the enjoyment morphs yet again, into an ‘electric tingle that shot down his spinal column every time Prowl entered a room’. I take it now that we’ve made a substantial time jump up into the timeline of “Where You and I Collide”, where they learn to love each other. We all know what’s coming, But as Jazz says, it all happened ‘slowly but surely’. It wasn’t rapid, but it was inevitable. I love that this particular zing of electricity doesn’t even require the pair of them to be touching, like your average couple would be. It’s so powerful that it doesn’t even take eye contact. All Jazz has to do is see his Prowl and he’s gone. And then when they do make that eye contact, ‘it meant a new challenge’; they’re still mental foes, but on a sort of friendly ground now. They’re challenges for each other in a world that offers each little in the way of a cerebral workout. ‘A new game’ – they enjoy each other, they enjoy their interactions and the puzzle that each presents the other. This idea of ‘every time their optics met’ a ‘new challenge... a new game’ occurred, shows us that their relationship is always fresh and changing and engaging. How could you not fall for your partner in a relationship like that? Their engagements are a ‘meeting of the minds’, their challenges are of a kind no other bot could present for either of them, and they’re both powerful enough that they don’t feel the need to dull or dim anything down; they can let loose ‘no holds barred’. Perhaps they can even show their true selves with no holds barred, like they can’t do with anybody else, anybody who wouldn’t or couldn’t understand. I love that their games have no rules, ‘no move out of bounds’, meaning they can always be testing their boundaries and discovering their own capacities by testing themselves against each other. The pair of them are so very powerful – you refer to them as mighty ‘titans at war’, but more than that; that they ‘clashed’ like these titans, adding to that great sense of mythology. These people are the stuff of legends. Inhumanly... incybertronianly... powerful beings. Perfectly matched to each other, each the best in their field, and both equals. Their battles are epics, ending with ‘aftermath’, implying enormous effect, damage, strewn mental armour – or just an exertion. The ability to let loose knowing that your opponent won’t break under your attack. So you are able to smirk at them with shared understanding of how you help each other. They can’t truly be enemies or even rivals anymore, because it’s the way you say they ‘still could smirk at each other’ that implies that others could not – their situation is different, is special.

Then it moves faster through their stages. Their camaraderie progresses of course through their testing of each other into a ‘mild partnership’, where each makes use of the other for their own ends. The mild partnership becomes a straight out ‘partnership’ without you – and therefore most likely the characters – even acknowledging it changing. Which progresses to friendship, inevitably. Which, also inevitably, grows into more. How could it not, when these two bots are truly so special and unique to each other? They are the perfect pair, as you’ve been mentioning to us all along. You put it so perfectly without even having to say anything: their ‘friendship became... more’. It doesn’t even need description. Perhaps it cannot be described. These two are, after all, pretty complicated bots.

And there it is – Jazz’s moment of realization. I could call it anagnorisis, except of course for the fact that it is in no way tragic. Perhaps peripeteia would be more appropriate – this is The Moment. The turning moment. When Jazz comes to the realization that ‘without Prowl, there was no Jazz’ and, in perfect balance, ‘without Jazz, there was no Prowl’. They are inextricably linked, those roots dug in so tightly. I also believe this is the first moment in which you've really indicated that Prowl is in this same boat with Jazz – up until this point you’ve presented it all from Jazz’s perspective, and it’s been rather one-sided, but now we know for certain that Prowl is just as deeply invested in this relationship as Jazz is. They are now a pair. A couple. They come together as a perfect little set. Its progression has made so much sense, and it just adds to that wonderful idea of inevitability.

The paradox in the next sentence is great: ‘they were polar opposites with more in common than either would care to admit’. It’s so true, because these two are so very complex and tricky characters to pin down, that in so many ways they are complete opposites – and yet, at that exact same time they are so similar. And it’s so funny the way you say that neither of them will admit that they have so much in common – the flaws you see in someone else, after all, are the things you dislike most about yourself. Of course they wouldn’t want to admit all the things they have in common XD You go on to describe what it is about them that makes them such opposites in that same manner that you were speaking about Jazz before, with each of them as embodiments of their chosen way of living. There is no middle ground, here: ‘one lived for logic and order, the other loved to throw caution to the wind and still come out on top’. There’s a sort of mimesis in that sentence there, as when you talk about the being of logic it’s in simple, concise language – Prowl lived for logic and order. It’s very clipped and clear. Logical and ordered. And then when you talk about the character who lives for chaos, the sentence itself is somewhat chaotic and filled with far more text than is actually needed to make the point. It’s too ordered to say that Jazz ‘lived to win by any means’. You point out that he operates by forgetting any notions of caution – and therefore logic and planning – and still winning because he is just that good. It’s delightfully convoluted, but gets the point across anyway, much in the same manner as Jazz works.

Now you go back to the point I mentioned in passing a moment ago that the pair of them are at the absolute tops of their respective games, ‘supremely elite’ and so very awesome. They’re worthy of each other. But they’re so good, so elevated that they ‘stood apart from the rest’. Whereas in the past this is perhaps something Jazz would have relished, here you make it out to be not such a great thing. Isolation, rather than pure excellence. ‘Too different to be understood by others’. Oh, how I love that ‘to others’ at the end there. You make it so clear that for these two, their only option is each other, because they’re the only ones who can understand how they work and function. And furthermore, you say that they both really come with a built-in desire for a challenge, and you’ve spent just about the whole story so far detailing how they are the only two who are even remotely capable of providing that challenge for each other. They satisfy each other’s ‘primal, passionate calling’. (You know you meant it that way. Even if it was only subconsciously D) It’s interesting that you use this one phrase for the both of them, showing another similarity and through something that one would not associate with the face Prowl particularly shows everyone– a primal and passionate Prowl? The others would likely have meltdowns. But Jazz is the same way. He gets it, and he gets what it entails to suppress and hide the desires you have inside you, even for something so simple and mundane as a challenge, to be ‘worked raw for the satisfaction’. (You’re giving my under-developed dirty mind plenty of fodder for growth, here XD) But either way, this calling of their is something that only the other half of their friendship can provide for them, which is all well and good, that they are good for keeping each other sharp and tuned – but then you choose to end this with the fact that they can find ‘solace in each other’. Solace. It’s an interesting word, really. It means reassurance and consolation, perhaps camaraderie and understanding, comfort. It’s so calm in the way it looks with all its curved letters, and the way it sounds with its sibilants and its long vowel sounds. This calm is only to be found for these two in each other. That is a powerful statement of dependence and mutual benefit. The pair are in a symbiotic relationship of the most commanding kind.

And after all of these steps and twists and turns – you still remind us that all of this really has been remarkably simple. ‘Just like that, obsession was founded’. We return to this word ‘obsession’, which I gave something of an examination earlier in this... essay, and now it is fully apparent that this obsession is fully founded, fully understandable, and that it really is a good thing. This obsession is them realizing that they fit together absolutely perfectly, and that there’s no reason for them to ever have to be apart. It’s obsession, it’s devotion.

Seee Part NINE
Insert Witticism chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part SEVEN

... You say that in the next sentence XD I love your twist on the ‘and before he knew it, he was...’ expression, remixing it with your own version – ‘before Jazz knew what had become of himself’. It kind of seems like ‘what he had become’, as well as the fact that he’s wondering what happened to the hard-a$$ he used to be, that used to be his self. Before he’d even noticed himself changing, he was brand new. It’s probably a good thing it happened that way, since if he had noticed the changes happening as they went along, he would have done all in his power to stop them. But as it stands, he’s powerless in the face of the new person he’s become, and the fact that he’s ‘irrevocably tied to Prowl’. That little expression is beautiful enough on its own: but then you go on to pair it with the idea that ‘if Prowl were to die, Jazz would no longer exist’. It’s a classic sentiment again, but given your own spin. And I don’t mean just given different wording or phrasing, but I mean a whole new lease of meaning. You don’t do the hyper-dramatic, ‘if Prowl were to die, he would die too’, and you don’t do the decidedly underwhelming ‘if Prowl were to die, he would be torn apart’, or something equally stale. You get it just right. You imply a death. You don’t imply Jazz’s death, but you imply the death of Jazz. He ‘would no longer exist’. Like he would just vanish. Worse than death, he would no longer be living. So much more powerful. So much more tragic – and romantic. Jazz’s devotion to Prowl is far more than a mere addiction, or obsession.

So now you’re going to give us a little description of the seeds that began it all. The little things that chipped their way into Jazz’s spark. First step – no longer want to kill. That’s a good step. That’s a... romantic step. But the way you phrase it is interesting, to say the least – ‘the desire to no longer destroy’. It’s not negative. It’s not that Jazz no longer had the desire to destroy, but the opposite, in fact – his desire has transferred itself to the opposite side, a desire, in effect, to keep Prowl around. ‘The desire to no longer destroy’. The desire to cease destroying. The desire to stop trying to destroy this person. A wish to stop trying to destroy... You don’t specifically say right there that he no longer want to destroy *Prowl*. But then Prowl does indeed come into it, of course, as some sort of plaything of Jazz’s. But you don’t call him a plaything, even – a pet. Equally as demeaning for a sentient being, but there’s not that element of Prowl being this passive thing. After all, Jazz is interested in Prowl for his mind. So instead, he’s a pet – he’s still alive, still there to be played with, but still a player in Jazz’s life. Controlled, most importantly. Tagged, on a leash, locked in the pantry, whatever it is, Prowl would be Jazz’s possession. He would own him. You go on to talk about that powerful mind of his, the ‘challenges the tactician offered’, like some living su do ku puzzle Jazz can have fun trying to solve in his spare time. And again you draw attention to the fact that Prowl is unique in Jazz’s life as being the only person who has ever actually offered him a challenge, something new for Jazz to deal with. And we know that Jazz has been living one he11 of a long time, so it really is pretty impressive that Prowl has managed to be something completely new; something that such an old being who really has been around the block has never, ever seen before. And here we get some excellent glimpses of Prowl as a bada$$ to match his Jazz – ‘a mind as sharp as a sword’. He is dangerous. He’s fully equipped to battle Jazz on the mental field of which he is so fond. He’s fine-tuned to the task too; his mental sword is sharp, perfectly capable of causing serious damage. ‘Deadly as a trap’. Just the word ‘deadly’ would work fine, letting us know that Prowl can do battle with nothing more than his mind and that he can be considered a deadly opponent. But the ‘as a trap’ – once he has you, you can’t escape. Jazz now knows this very well. The idea of a ‘trap’ is also something so Machiavellian, giving him that link to Jazz’s more underhanded ways. Theirs is certainly a battlefield of the mind, a fight of intellectual prowess and nothing more, or less.

And Jazz recognises the incredible potential of this person, if not in the way it does end up; he knows that ‘to lose such a prize’ – he knows Prowl’s value is nothing less than a prize to be won – ‘would mean Jazz would have to go a lifetime more without an equal to... understand him.’ Gorgeous. I love this bit. Okay, so Jazz is thinking of Prowl now in terms of something that can be lost. That in itself says something about how he’s regarding Prowl already as something he has, but not owns yet. He can still lose him; but by this point he’s already begun the process of ceasing his terrible efforts to break this mech and force him to bend to his will and possession. The acknowledgement that he might lose Prowl speaks of a sort of worry that he will do so. To ‘lose’... to no longer have Prowl would be a loss. He would miss him. He would be missing something. He would be missing his Prowl. And then the next part would be perfectly wonderful if you had just phrased it as ‘Jazz would have to go a lifetime without an equal’ – but you don’t. You add in that ‘more’. ‘A lifetime more’. You’ve already shown us that Jazz has lived a ‘too-long life’, and this ties in with a sense of the laborious. Like he’s just getting tired of living lifetime after lifetime in the same manner. Another lifetime on top of the ones he’s lived. But there’s something about the ‘more’ that makes it seem like this next one could be so very different; your reference to his previous ones is nebulous, to say the least, which kind of sounds like this ‘lifetime more’ is in excess of the previous one, and it would be different because he would now know exactly what he was missing. And indeed, in something so simple as the ‘a’ before the lifetime, it’s very obviously a singular. Whether or not it’s true, that does sound as though there would only be one more lifetime after the loss of Prowl. The beginning of the sentiment you just outlined that said that without Prowl in his life, Jazz would not exist anymore. Then there’s finally the outright statement that Prowl is Jazz’s equal, an admission old Jazz surely would never have been able to make – the very thought that there could be somewhere out there to match him! Of course, Jazz had never actually expressed horror that someone might match him, but rather that they might beat him. Which is why he can learn to love Prowl, because Prowl doesn’t try to be better – they are equals, and they are both happy that way.

Now at the end of that sentence, preceded by that ellipsis, such a powerful, novel insight into this old Jazz. He would have no equal to –? We are forced to wait. An equal to battle? To play with, mess with? Just keep around? No: ‘to understand him’. What an understanding of this mech – he’s the guy at the top, the guy who can beat anyone, the guy who is paranoid of being usurped, he’s The Guy. But nobody gets him. Perhaps because he doesn’t even really get himself, having settled into this life and role of violence at the highest level. But his obsession with being the best at everything has forced him away from everyone, and so the first person he’s come close to in all these vorns is an enemy. An equal, and an opposite. A mirror reflection. Someone who does understand how Jazz works, because he works in such a similar way, on the same level. And Jazz is so desperate for that, whether he knew it before or not, he clearly understands now that he wants someone who understands him. And now that he’s found that person, he doesn’t want to lose them. It’s like that old mantra that you can’t miss what you never had – but now that what he’s been missing his whole life has been revealed, how could he go back to living as an empty shell that nobody can relate to on any level? When he’s here with Prowl, how could he go back to living without him?

See Part EIGHT
And Joker. got away chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part SIX

Anyways, back in these dark orns, not only was Jazz just lost in his own dark world, but you describe him very effectively as ‘a mad rush of narcissism, egomania, uncontrolled madness and invincibility’. I could go to town on that sentence. (I may very well end up doing so even though I shouldn’t XD) It’s compact yet filled with detail in not only the descriptors, but the way you present them. The list is longer than is comfortable for a reader, giving the distinct impression of excess. All of these bad qualities, Jazz has them in spades. They all build on top of each other, they all compound. There’s such an intense feeling of insanity and a personality that can’t contain or even comprehend itself. Jazz is mad, but not just mad; a mad rush. He’s fast and slippery and darting and powerful, like a sprinter just whooshing on past you; but he’s a mad rush of narcissism, self-serving, self-governed, self-governed, self-centred, without care for anyone but number one. He thinks he is the best thing and not only needs to let everybody know this, but needs to show off and gain himself respect, adoration, and/or fear, it hardly matters which. But not just a mad rush of narcissism (again, embodying the concept rather than just exhibiting the traits); a mad rush of narcissism and egomania. They go hand in hand, after all, but the egomania adds the idea of his need to rule. The egomaniac is the dictator. It all ties into his need for mastery and control, but even the word itself can be broken down – a mania of ego. A frenzy, a mess, a pulsing insanity of destructive ego; and once more, Jazz *is* this concept. But not just a mad rush of narcissism and egomania; Jazz *is* also uncontrolled madness and invincibility. What a horrifying combination. Bad enough is the idea of a being that is made up of unrestrained, uncontained, unregulated madness, but this creature is also invincible? Nothing can defeat it? He’s like a reverse Superman! (Oops, I went to town.) Jazz really is terrifying here.

But there is a hidden sense of insecurity pervading all of this with the next part of that sentence. For all of this nigh uncontrollable lunacy that Jazz is, he is still motivated by the need to ‘reaffirm that he was the best’. It’s not good enough for him to be the best, but he must know for absolute certain –and make sure everyone else knows too – that he will always win. His entire identity is based upon the idea that ‘if he was not the greatest, then who was he?’, which of course would mean that he would need to actively go out and destroy any and all of his competition, to keep him there at the top. He needs to be top physically – ‘the quickest’ –, mentally – ‘the cleverest’ –, and overall ‘the most dangerous’. It’s not a healthy struggle to better himself or to become the best he could be, but a twisted, warped desire to just be the best at any cost. But perhaps ‘best’ is not quite the appropriate term, because it is very obvious that Jazz’s desires are not pleasant, not stellar, not the best; but dark, dirty, even evil – he wants to be ‘dangerous’? He wants to be feared. He wants to be able to cause pain. He wants to be able to break people. To break down his rivals, whom he considers nothing more dangerous than a ‘threat that had to be destroyed’. He acknowledges their threat, but only to his perceived status as the baddest of the bad; it is with complete assurance that he says he must destroy the threats – destroy, not battle. In his mind, there is no contest and of course, in most cases, this is true.

But now we break out of this retrospection and go back to that theme of Jazz’s brand new addition. Suddenly we remember that Jazz is not the terrible person anymore, and that he is in fact a bot who has been turned inside-out. He is no longer a dangerous monster. He didn’t manage to break Prowl. In fact – all that information you’ve given about Jazz’s addiction and how much he’s enjoying it and all the good things it had done for him comes rushing back with that one word, ‘addiction’ in the first part of this paragraph. You’ve already established for us that this is not the kind of addiction that we need to be all that wary about, and now that comes down simply to you calling it similar to any ‘good, spark-deep addiction’. I know that the ‘good’ is referring to it in the sense of a powerful addiction, but it remains that you have now linked Jazz’s addiction – which we know is not a destructive one – with the word ‘good’. It is a good addiction. And this addiction is ‘spark-deep’, inextricable, affecting him in the very deepest parts of himself. This is beginning to sound – particularly after your masterful digression into what Jazz of the past was – like a very good thing indeed, this addiction of Jazz’s. And what is it about this addiction that you’re letting us know now? What makes it rank up there with the best of the addictions from which a person can suffer? It ‘crept up on him while he wasn’t looking’. This is another sense of the loss of control Jazz has experienced during the course of this addiction – it is also the first time you refer to it as an ‘obsession with Prowl’. Obsession is another one of those things that people suffer from that really isn’t normally considered a good thing. But perhaps now that you’ve redefined it as being linked with the addiction we have already established is doing no harm, we can examine the term ‘obsession’ without that bias. Obsession is nothing less than an adoration, with provocation, and self-provided fuel. So Jazz being obsessed with Prowl must therefore involve an adoration of him, he must have been given ample reason for this – you’ve already given us his ample reasoning ;) – and he must be spending every moment he can with him. It’s an obsession with a person you love – you can’t get enough. This is so far removed from the Jazz of before, who could not have cared less about anyone.

But that old Jazz isn’t completely gone, oh no no no. The next thing you say is that the addiction ‘took its heinous time sowing its seeds’; he’s clearly still not all too pleased with the way it wheedled its way into his life. Especially since the word ‘heinous’ is so atypical for this expression. One would usually use an expletive, or something much more basic. But to use ‘heinous’ is actually kind of surprising, meaning it actually accomplishes its goal of creating a definite emphasis on how Jazz feels about the slow and steady manner in which the addiction took root. On that biological note, there’s clear personification of the addiction at this point, a patient, plotting thing who is perfectly content to sow seeds at its own speed and watch their care pay off. The thing Jazz doesn’t seem to realize with this comparison is that seeds don’t necessarily grow when they’re sown – it takes fertile soil. It takes receptive ground. It takes, perchance, an already-existing predisposition towards a certain grey Praxian. And, of course, if you want to get deliciously technical – and we do – then this personification about which we are talking is a facet of Jazz’s mind. He’s all just annoyed with himself for ending up falling for Prowl, but he’s got nobody to blame for it but himself. He sowed the seeds in his own mind, and took them up in his own spark. And now he gets to enjoy the spoils of his harvest, if you will. This of course only makes it better that the addiction crept up when Jazz wasn’t looking – he was so blind to the emotion of love that he didn’t notice it approaching on himself until it had grown itself some nice deep roots in his soul. It’s self-destruction in the exact same way as his addiction to Prowl is self-destructive behaviour. Enjoy it, Jazz. And even better than what I just said about it growing deep roots, in your version of events it grows roots ‘as deep as could be’, and also tangles itself ‘into such a knot that it was impossible to extract’. It’s like an overgrown garden which, all things considered, probably isn’t all that out of place in Jazz’s mind. Perhaps this is why he didn’t notice it until it was too late to escape. This idea of it being impossible to ‘extract’ is interesting. It’s a very scientific, mechanical word when you’ve been talking in very biological terms up until this point – which fits into the idea of it having buried itself into his spark. It’s literally part of him. To extract it would mean he’d lose a part of himself – perhaps he wouldn’t even survive its loss.

See Part SEVEN
Batmobile has lost its wheel chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Part FIVE

And there’s that old immovable wall and unstoppable force – Jazz and Prowl as perfect opposites one more time, only this time with the added element of each and their individual ridiculous stubbornness. I did probably tell you about the solution Amy and I came up with for what would happen if an unstoppable force met an immovable object, but in case I didn’t, or you don’t remember, it’s delightfully simple – a force does not have to be causing motion to be exerted. What would happen is that the unstoppable force and the immovable object would be pressed together with all of their might for the rest of eternity C And of course, your assignation of who would be which is fairly obvious but very poignant: throughout the entire story thus far, Jazz has been the wild one, darting all over the place and running absolutely wild, and Prowl has been the stoic, solid one; the constant. But another key point of this story is that Jazz, the unstoppable force, is no longer moving since he has hit his immovable object. He is still wild, still powerful, still himself, but he’s grounded now. He’s lost none of his power, but he’s found a place of order rather than chaos, and he’s throwing himself into it with all that power of his. It is key, however, that you do not refer to Prowl as an ‘immovable object’, but rather the more specific ‘immovable wall’. This is a poignant deviation because the idea of a wall has so much more to say than the idea of some random, totally unspecified object. A wall is built, for a start. It grows, designed to be strong and designed to be impenetrable unless you have the key to the gate. Referring to Prowl as one brings to my mind the idea of mental walls, mental shields, and not only have you actually described Prowl as one enormous mental wall, but you’ve brought us back with a little reminder that though Jazz may find Prowl very attractive physically; which truly impresses and captivates him is Prowl’s powerful mind. It’s an intellectual attraction first and foremost. Secondly, a wall has one of two purposes – to keep in, and to keep out. My mental image of this Prowl wall is not of a ten foot span around which the unstoppable force might accidently slip if it hits it at just the right angle, but of something like Hadrian’s wall – an enormous, hugely impressive feat of construction that goes on as far as you can see in both directions. And Jazz is standing in the middle of it, looking up at the portcullis, shaking the bars and beating against it with his fists. The wall is performing both possible functions – it’s keeping intruders out, and keeping Prowl safely locked inside. There’s something so very powerful about the idea of this mental wall that can withstand any attack – Jazz is the best, after all, and if you can outlast him you can bloody well outlast anyone – but at the same time... something very sad about the idea that Prowl has locked himself in behind this monstrous thing.

I’m so glad you take more time to look at this metaphor. It’s a very powerful one indeed, and I love that it stems from a slight twist of a very, very common turn of phrase. As always, you take a trope, and make it your very own (and fifty or so times better). So you go on with this idea to say that at the beginning of their interactions, Jazz’s absolute goal was to tear that wall the he11 down. It seems so vainly heroic in a Miltonic way to try to break down this wall Prowl has built up to protect himself, and I can just imagine Jazz’s frustration at his constant failure. There’s such a sense of both earnest and regret in that ‘Oh Primus’ you add in before telling us that Jazz had wanted so badly to break Prowl – remembered earnest to defeat this latest challenge, and retrospective regret that he could have been so stupid as to have wanted to destroy something so powerful; something he would come to love so strongly. Again, Prowl becomes the wall when you say ‘he’d wanted Prowl to crumble’; he and the wall become the same object, and Jazz almost *needed* that wall to crumble into dust. It’s all about that power – further proof that the Jazz of the past was all but power-crazy, and this makes it only more amazing that he’s surrendered to the control of his addiction to Prowl, and so fitting that it is his final and most powerful desire to ‘master and control’ a mech that ends up killing off that part of himself.

It has suddenly become rather glaring that this has been written in the past tense, and the sense of retrospection intensifies in this little sequence of Jazz recalling how he had felt about Prowl back then. He makes it sound like it would have been so wonderful to have broken him. ‘Rich’, ‘sweetness’ – compounded, even. You don’t even go intentionally overboard and make the sweetness sickeningly strong, but the way you put it does actually sound appealing. You’re invoking all different senses; sweetness applies of course to taste, but also to smell, and sound, whereas ‘rich’ applies to all five senses. You get the feeling that Jazz would just have been revelling in his feat if he had indeed broken Prowl back then. But this is all so very twisted, as you instantly remind us when you say that this delightful feeling would be garnered by ‘forcing the tactician to bow to his will’ – power, might, dominance, humiliation, torturing, breaking, lording, possession, enslavement and more words that I’m not going to labour on with are all encapsulated in that one small clause. And Jazz thought that this was such a good thing. It’s a startling insight into his mind in the past, and almost a frightening one. What a terrifying creature who could find pleasure in this horror! Adding to that first element, Jazz is desiring of power, but not just power over Prowl; to be able to proclaim to the universe his power over his only worthy foe. Who is the second best. That the unstoppable force finally smashed straight through that immovable wall. Then the other elements are brought back in that visual of Jazz riding Prowl into the dirt – humiliation at being treated like an animal, or a slave, some beast of burden or rodeo exhibit. He doesn’t just want to defeat Prowl, but to utterly destroy him. The pace picks up. This Jazz of the past becomes angrier. You lose every unnecessary word from the next sentence to force this impact onto the ones that matter: ‘grind down every last bit of resistance Prowl could summon, turn it to dust, and scatter it to the winds’. There’s first such violence in ‘grind’, determination or even just vindictiveness in ‘every last bit’, victimization for Prowl as you present him as struggling to summon all of his resistive abilities against this monster, then a sudden switch after this violence to calm and self-satisfaction – turn it to dust is slower, softer, creepier in a way, and ‘scatter to the winds’. Like saying goodbye to Prowl’s own power. Discarding it and watching it drift away, never to be found again. There is domination, and then there is disregard once he’s achieved his goal. There is respect for an ability such as Prowl’s to resist him, but this is just something more Jazz needs to have control over, to be able to utilise or just bend to his own whims and wills. It’s all rather simple in the end – ‘Jazz wanted to own Prowl’.

But we’re brought back into the perspective of the present Jazz when you go on to refer to this period of their interaction as the ‘dark orns of the very beginning’. It’s so very vague – it’s not like the beginning of their interactions, but the beginning of time. The beginning of their lives as they are now. The beginning of their friendship, their love. It’s just... the beginning. It doesn’t matter what happened before that point. It’s even further emphasized by you calling these times the ‘dark orns’, which obviously ties into the notion that the universe began in darkness and was then given light, which would make the true beginning the moment Jazz went with Prowl after helping him escape, for the first few moments of their new universe existed in the darkness of the Decepticon prisons. Even in a less literal interpretation of the work ‘dark’, it’s made very clear that this was not a pleasant time for either of them – ‘dark’ carries implications of being lost, alone, hurt... in the dark orns, Jazz was lost, he was alone, and he was hurt. But this was the beginning, because his salvation had finally arrived in his life. ... Whoo!

See Part SIX
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