|Reviews for Ava|
| ButterflyN chapter 25 . 10/17/2012
i knw it's been like almost a year since you last updated this story, but it is seriously amazing and i am practically begging to know how it ends xx
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 16 . 10/10/2010
Aw, that's more like it. The Pritkin/Ava plot is much stronger than the Rasputin thing, I'll admit I don't find it hugely interesting. But I like this chapter :D
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 13 . 9/25/2010
Whoa, didn't see all that coming! Another good update, but the POV switches are very confusing. Maybe when you switch you could put in xoxoxox in bold or something? That's the easiest way. No complaints though, great idea to reintroduce her dad.
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 12 . 9/25/2010
Wow, you've really stepped it up a level! This is the best chapter you've written so far, you're really getting into the characters and making them believable. And I loved the little touch about Rafe painting at vamp speed, awesome.
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 11 . 9/1/2010
This is going okay, but I really don't think Pritkin's as breakable as you're portraying him. I know Ava's supposed to be a dhampire, but no matter how naturally skillful and strong she is, he's a half-demon. I don't know for sure obviously but I expect they would be on a par. I don't think it's realistic for her to almost die during her trials yet beat him everytime they fight. Also, I personally would depict Pritkin as less of a softy. That's just the idea I have of him in my head, but I don't see Mr. Deathwish getting all weak-kneed over one of Cassie's visions.
I did enjoy that scene with Mircea though. I think that's exactly how he would react if someone was lax with Cassie's safety.
Also the time jumps are a little hard to follow, so you should try putting in a breaker line in the editing section on
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 6 . 8/5/2010
I like the attraction your building there, it looks promising. The ending was a bit confusing, but I'm sure you'll explain it.
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 4 . 7/27/2010
This is the best chapter so far, Ava is really taking shape as a defined character. And it was nice to see some Pritkin. Loooove me some Pritkin :D
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 3 . 7/25/2010
I like Ava better in this chapter, but Pritkin has never actually been in 17th century France. The 17th century was 1600-1699. He was there in the 18th century. I know I'm nit-picking, sorry :D
| SynethesiaTastesGrey chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
You should try putting dividing lines between the POV changes. If you edit the story when it's in the Document Manager section, there's a button with a horizontal line on it. Click it and it'll put a divider in the text. Sorry if you already know all this.
A random little point about your character to Ava: she says 'At least I don't fall into the haze of becoming complacent and conceited' but for some reason, she did come across as being very full of herself to me. I don't know if you intended that or not, but I found it kinda off-putting.
The biggest problem with OCs and fanfic is that it's so easy to fall into the Mary-Sue trap. Please don't, because despite all my whining, I really do think your story is very good, and I'll be following it :D