Reviews for My Life In Liberty
Kaos-angel chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
this is really confusing, use the *quotes* when som1 sais a line. Anyways continuent writing, but i have to say ... that the guy in gta3 wouldn't hesitate to kill som1, so its kinda out of character. and well u should learn how to wright better with punctuations and stuff...
redwater1314 chapter 1 . 3/26/2005
All that line crap makes it very hard to read, I think you should write it using something called a paragraph.

But don't stop writing because of negative reviews, if you write this normally it could be pretty good.

PS. When I played this mission I forgot about the plan and accidentally set him on fire and repeatedly run him over...

I tripped?
Carradine chapter 1 . 3/2/2005
...the hell?
FerrariMaster chapter 1 . 4/14/2002
Oh my god. What the hell is this? Do you know how to write? You should at least say who is talking when there is diolauge. Also, this story is basically all diolauge. You need some I can't even figure out what the plot is because it doesnt make sense. And also in the beginning, you said "Oh well do you know where Joey's garage is? Yes i do i will take Misty there. If your only starting out, you don't know where Joey is yet, and you did that many times in the story. I also found it confusing with the lines and stuff. You should have just writen it like a book (it would have been much easier). So over all i have to say this story sucks and i give it a 3 out of 10.
Dan The Man Bogosian chapter 1 . 3/30/2002
The amazing art of quoations would save space, time, and headaches.
zap777 chapter 1 . 3/9/2002
...okay, i guess. That "line" thing is really wierd and confusing. Might want to start over and use actual dialogue.
DirtyMonk chapter 1 . 3/9/2002
I'll give you credit for trying to be original with the dashing lines system of yours, but if this is an excuse not to use any punctuation in your story, then you're just shooting yourself in the foot. I understand this is your first story here, but you have a lot to work on in terms of shaping up the elements of fiction. Your dialogue isn't too bad, but a lot of it is taken from the game. Another thing you're doing is telling the reader what is happening. You, as a writer, should be Showing the reader what is going on. What is your character feeling? What is going through his mind? What does he smell? See? Hear? Enter his mind and find out what makes him tick. Start from there, and you'll get a better grasp of what you will be doing. These are my suggestions, and you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to.

Also, how in the world would a hitman rufuse to "hurt a human"? Hit men are payed to kill. They are hired to kill people, because that's the job they accept. Anyway, I say the more you write, the only direction you can go is up, but that doesn't mean show the world everything you put on paper and hope they'll like it. Practice with yourself, then let friends/teachers/parents read it, then some friends your friends know, then maybe-just maybe, you can go ahead and show the entire world full of billions of strangers what your writing is like after that. But for now...just practice.
lukiss chapter 1 . 3/7/2002
I hate to be a bastard, but, you might want to rethink this one. Maybe you shuld tryout the conventional methods of dialogue. This line stuff is foolish, it degrades yourself, as well as the reader. It's particularly poor because you make no distinction between narrative, speaking and thought. Also, when you have two characters, (both unidentified) speaking to each other, adding another (also unidentified) makes it very hard to follow. Background description and information are useful too. I wouldn't stop writing, but maybe pay a little more attention in English.

...Or maybe your character is a crackhead, then it might make sense.
microworlds2do chapter 1 . 3/2/2002
interesting story from his view but I would like to hear what was the job that woman backstabbed on him.
super freak1 chapter 1 . 2/23/2002
Awesome! Keep wirting, OK? Please get the next chapter out soon.
Lotus chapter 1 . 2/22/2002
Not too good, bro, not too good. The speaking parks were a little sketchy, your spelling, and grammar could use some work, and for the love of god use punctuation marks. What the hell is that

"a line - indicates a change of character" crap? No, a new paragraph indicates a change of character. However, on the upside, the narrative was pretty good. Overall, I'd give it a 3.5. Please improve, cause it's a good idea.