|Reviews for Waiting in Sin|
| Mary Sue Lover chapter 6 . 10/10
I originally didn't intend on ever reviewing, since the story's age and Complete status make in kind of pointless, but I have reached my limit.
Let me start by saying that you write very well. Good grammar and spelling, decent flow. Kind of annoying/confusing when you have multiple people talk within the same paragraph, but everything else is clear enough to counter any issues that might have otherwise caused. Good on you for all of that.
That said, there are a few GLARING issues that have made it hard for me to even make it this far in the story. I'm no flamer; I won't insult you or use rude language, but I can be rather critical/harsh, so I apologize in advance.
1. Why did you do practically NOTHING (so far) with this story? You replaced Harry with freaking Ulquiorra, but there have been NO significant changes. Just the same Harry Potter story (much abbreviated), with comments from Ulquiorra and his past associates thrown in every once in a while. How is it that the potentially several-century/millennium-old Ulquiorra is making basically the same decisions as canon Harry? How is it that the cold-blooded killer, war veteran, and ex-inherent monster (with enough intelligence to get away with things) has not killed anyone? How is it that Ulquiorra has barely any of his previous power, despite the fact that a good chunk of said power SHOULD come simply from his soul's knowledge, age, and experience with reishi/reiatsu? How is it that, by all appearances, his upbringing was the same as canon Harry's, despite the fact that he presumably had memories of his past "life" from the day he was born? Why is it that even when Ulquiorra DOES notice/do something that could make a difference, you either hand-wave is away (like the Hog's Head scene), ignore it, or contrive something up with your authorial authority to keep it from actually making said difference?
2. Why is the existence of Murcielago within Ulquiorra making so little difference, despite it providing a second pseudo-consciousness, in internal "bodyguard", and the threats it gave to the horcrux? Why hasn't "she" killed it?
3. How is that gender-differences joke toward the end of this chapter even a THING? Murcielago is just a fragment of Ulquiorra's soul, like all zanpakutou spirits; even if it is a part of him that doesn't see the light of day all that often, it doesn't make sense for there to be any sort of fundamental disconnect between them.
I can read the subtext behind this story well enough to see that you weren't going for anything too deep or involved, but I think at least a BIT more effort at creativity/originality was warranted. "Adventure" may be the unofficial basic-level genre on this site, which signifies that a story probably isn't going to be any sort of magnum opus, but only the "Humor" and "Parody" genres get a COMPLETE pass.
Maybe it gets better in the next half of the story (which I DO intend to read, despite this review probably coming off as rather scathing), but Jeezum Crow, waiting until the MID-POINT (or later) of a 200000 word story before giving it any personality/distinguishing-features is ridiculous.
Wishing you the best in all of your present and future creative endeavors,
Mary Sue Lover
| qwertypous chapter 4 . 8/18
fucking wasted my time with the same result in the book.. i was hoping to see some changes but nothing at all..
| Cormin12 chapter 10 . 8/16
When grabbing there wands in bat form, she then takes off for the rafters to then return to his inner world... If she could return to his inner world with the wands, why did she need to go up to the rafters and risk being seen?
| shintablack chapter 11 . 5/12
was not worth the patience i endured reading. i do hope you improve from this. i recommend reading more or watching more of the fandoms you are trying to create crossovers out of, in this case, in this case, either watch the bleach anime series or read the manga.
| shintablack chapter 5 . 5/12
so much for the inclusion of bleach elements. characters were too OOC. its as if he forgot that he was a hollow for some time, considering how he is acting, and yet recalls memories of his past life vividly.
| shintablack chapter 4 . 5/12
so much for hoping for a difference. its as if ulquiorra is just hitching a ride in the consciousness of canon harry potter and giving commentary.
| shintablack chapter 3 . 5/12
wow. impressive. its basically a summary of the hp books so far with some commentary from ulquiorra. hoping for better inclusion of bleach elements since this is supposed to be a crossover afterall
| Zekuran chapter 6 . 4/9
This is looking less like an actual crossover, and more as Ulqiorra doing exactly what Harry did, just a slightly different thought process. The two were nothing alike.
| Rize Shirosaki chapter 12 . 3/31
Awesome story! I understand that you don't wanna make a sequel. Bleach now is kinda sucky with the Quincy Arc and shit. When the Deicide arc ended I thought that Bleach was gonna end. But NO! Kubo made the Fullbring arc and then *puff!* the series continues! I'm ranting here. Don't mind me. Awesome story thou! Bye-bye!
| DarkBlur2005 chapter 12 . 3/22
*Smiles* This was a nice story, it upset me a bit that you aren't making any sequels. But I'm happy with how it ended.
| poisonousgolem chapter 12 . 2/17
I simply loved your story! How you handled the HP canon story, the characters, everthing! also, loved how you used the other espada as well, specially the szayel references. This fic won a place onto my favorites; im going to check any other of your works!
| Yuki haruno chapter 5 . 12/30/2015
'So, you can imagine everyone's surprise when Ulquiorra suddenly stood up, leaned his weight on his right hip, placed one hand on said hip and said, in a voice and body motion (including his fingers snapping in a Z formation) that greatly resembled the 'Oh no you didn't' and said, "Oh, Hell no, bitch!"'
OMFG THIS WAS SO F•CKING FUNNY
| Guest chapter 12 . 12/12/2015
Have you read the books? Of course you did, just add an end scene where Ulquiorra is kissing Orihime and that's the only main difference.
| Mandalore Requiem chapter 9 . 11/24/2015
Eh…? Well that was forward.
| DigitalKites chapter 2 . 10/17/2015
I'll be honest; this chapter could be switched with a single line reading 'Ulquiorra's first year at Hogwarts passed. Nothing changed.'