|Reviews for The Queen's Last Thoughts|
| bkaddictjk chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Well, this was a good idea; but it had a lot of run-on sentences, grammer mistakes, and no spacing... It would be nicer to read in paragraph form. I suggest that you ask someone (like an adult) to read your fics before you put them on here?
But this was actually pretty good for a debut at writing, I think that you could add a little more detail, like how the soup tasted.
Oh, and one more thing, Do Not Be Afraid Of Commas!
| roxifoxi chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
| Moon Shawdow's Saint chapter 1 . 9/4/2011
most of thats not thoughts. its more like the backstory.
| Bookworm Apple chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
Ummm...not bad, kid! Just separate some things through paragraphs. It's hard to do so at first, but you'll get used to it. Paragraphs will make it easier to read.
| Superfan chapter 1 . 1/21/2011
Goo awkward story
| Herz von Silber chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
First off, I'd like to say you have a really good idea. I'm glad you're posting on here, and please do continue to. I agree with Kristina Charleson, practice does make perfect! One thing you should try to work on, though, is run-on sentences. It's really easy to fix, and it makes all the difference. I'm not trying to bash you at all, and I really hope you keep writing more stories! I tell everyone how they can improve on here, it's nothing against you. Good job on the story!
Herz von Silber
| Wisdomlistens chapter 1 . 10/28/2010
WOW! this is awesome!
| Anaiese Von Claire chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
This could be a very interesting start to a story similiar to The Tale of Despereaux. Write more! Practice makes perfect. :)
| Acro111 chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
Interesting, very intersting i do have to say this though isn't the rats name in the book Chiaroscuro? Or are you using your own rat? Cause i pretty sure its Roscuro that killed her. Other then that its great!