Reviews for Bitchin' in the Kitchen
84gemstone chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
Lol oh Esme was funny bless her.
twilightmom1 chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
Loved it! That was soo funny, but it was soo cute!

Loved the lemon!
FOXY-FEET chapter 1 . 8/21/2010
Sometime in the last few weeks her husband had found his inner handyman, and she had become his babe. She wished they would both go away.


"Fellatio," elderly Mrs. Newton asserted one afternoon. "No man will stray if he's getting fellatio." She pointed her finger in the air to emphasize her point. "My Michael loved a good blow job, and after 51 years of marriage, I can tell you he died a happy man."


His hunger for her was coursing through his body, but he was careful not to do anything rash or say anything stupid, or anything at all.


"I'm not sure what happened. She said something about a spill and running out of time and taking the advice of her elders. There was a lot of giggling." Esme furrowed her brow as if she were trying to remember something.

"Bella was giggling?"

"No." she shook her head. "Edward."


*these were some of my favorite lines. i wish my remodelling hell had gone ANYTHING close to this. it did not. great story. congrats on your placement!
marigold123 chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
I think you captured Bella's frustration so clearly. It brought me back to times (past and present) when my dear (ahem!) sweet hubby took on home improvement projects. Ones that were suppose to last the day or a weekend...well some are still not done! I enjoyed the coffee klatch and LMAO at Esme's remark. Edward not really understanding Bella's feelings and wishing she was more interested in the project...wanting her to help him. Guys! Oh and the food fight and Bella yelling, Edward laughing...and the slippery was awesome! Thank you for writing.
J. Shadows chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
Is there any way for me to figure out who the actual author is of this story? Because I really loved her writing and the way she made the characters. I would really love to read other stuff by her.
Keira Sawyer chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
rubell chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
i loved this...not that i wouldnt want to read more but this is the perfect one rarely happens...some part of the story gets left out and you are slightly confused but this one actually had a whole beginning middle and end...and even an epilogue/PSA! lol
luv4jake chapter 1 . 7/27/2010
Whoever thought remodeling the house during the heat of a Baltimore summer was a good idea was obviously mentally deficient or an evil sadist, because so far the remodel of Edward and Bella Cullen's three-story row house had been a descent into hell.

Oh words to eat later: "We're going to do the demolition ourselves and remodel the house all at once. That way everything will be finished by the time school starts, and we won't have to worry about it."

That had been four months ago.

OMG LOL: Although he stayed in shape, he had never been as muscular as he was now. The recent manual labor had defined the muscles in his arms and broadened his chest. It didn't go unnoticed by his wife or the neighborhood women, since he had taken to wearing ribbed tank tops whenever he was home.

It surprised her a bit when she came home to find a row of lawn chairs filled with senior citizens in front of her house on the day Edward and his brothers replaced the windows, but she didn't blink an eye when the same women arrived with drinks and snacks for those hardworking men. However, it was the intimate tips for Bella on how to hold onto her man that embarrassed her enough to ask Edward to start wearing t-shirts again.

LMFAO: "Fellatio," elderly Mrs. Newton asserted one afternoon. "No man will stray if he's getting fellatio." She pointed her finger in the air to emphasize her point. "My Michael loved a good blow job, and after 51 years of marriage, I can tell you he died a happy man."

Bella nodded her head and tried not to laugh at the bug-eyed expression of her sister-in-law, Alice.

How embarrassing & gross in a way Esme sex tips lol: Bella caught Edward's mother with a glint in her eye. "Do you have anything to add, Mrs. Cullen?" Bella dared her to respond.

Esme took a long sip of iced tea before she replied. "Desserts. Cullen men all have a notorious sweet tooth. I used to buy sugar in 25 pound bags when the boys lived at home. They'll go anywhere for a chocolate chip cookie."

The other women nodded in agreement.

After a moment's reflection she added, "Oh, and don't forget anal sex."

A chorus of acknowledgement erupted from the neighborhood ladies. Alice spit her tea across the table and Emmett's wife, Rosalie, began to cough from the biscuit that she'd sucked into her windpipe. Bella jumped up to pound her on the back, never losing the stunned look on her face.

"Though I wouldn't try it in this heat. You need to be relaxed," she continued. "Have you considered air conditioning, dear?"

Oh hubby's that's so what they do too: Sounds of her husband moving around upstairs reached her and she rolled her eyes. Grumbling she wondered why he thought it was OK to sleep in when there was so much to do.

If he thinks he can show up five minutes before they get here and take all the credit, he's got another think coming.

Yep I feel you Bella: Her husband was still standing in the doorway. Now his arms were stretched above his head, wrists resting on the jamb. All she could see were muscles. The undersides of his arms bulged and flexed with tension as he leaned forward. She let her eyes roam down his chest and past the small thatch of reddish hair below his throat.

Holy moly!

Some time in the last month her husband had developed a seriously sexy Adonis belt and the beginnings of a six-pack. The boxers he wore to bed hung low and suggestively on his hips, and she could see that one quick tug would pull them right off. Suddenly the typically quiet and always reserved Dr. Cullen was gone, and in his place was a golden-skinned sex idol.

I hear Bella get some its been too long: With one fingertip he spread a line of cool meringue along her exposed collarbone. Her body almost convulsed with the intensity of the sensation and she felt wetness grow between her thighs. She wondered, idly, if it was enough to keep her panties from catching on fire.

She stopped caring when his hot tongue fluttered against her neck, licking the sticky sweet as it melted. A ragged moan escaped her lips, and she let her chin drop to her chest.

Omg the food fight was so funny and Edward needed to make up so ground with Bella for real: He tried not to get hard at the sight, but he couldn't help it. His penis just wasn't listening.

Before he could stop himself his lips closed on a dark pink nipple. Bella gasped while his tongue flittered on the tight kernel of flesh. He could taste the salt of her sweat and the smoky flavor from the barbeque sauce and…skin-her sweet skin. A whimper escaped from the back of his throat. He sank to his knees and pulled her to his chest, kneading her through the thin fabric of her shorts while he continued his gentle kisses across her breasts.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured against her skin.

You go Bella that a girl: Bella could see that he was close. His eyes were closed, and his face and chest were flushed. She had never felt more powerful.

Leaning down she whispered, "Say my name."

His eyes popped open and he looked at her with surprise. He might have been amused had he been the one on top. Instead he was enthralled.

"Bella," he whispered with reverence.



"Louder," she demanded, and sped up her movements.

The sound of his voice echoed off the walls and she was unable to keep her eyes open as her body clenched. He was her man.

"You're mine," she growled.

"Oh, fuck…yes…I'm yours," he stuttered as she shuddered above him, her answering shout of "mine" filling his ears.

I loved this it wrapped up perfectly:"I'm not sure what happened. She said something about a spill and running out of time and taking the advice of her elders. There was a lot of giggling." Esme furrowed her brow as if she were trying to remember something.

"Bella was giggling?"

"No." she shook her head. "Edward."

"Edward? Sounds like there's been more than cooking going on this morning." he joked as he pulled up to a parking meter.

Esme gave her husband an impish grin. "Are you thinking of something in particular? Something that makes you giggle, perhaps?"

Her husband blushed. "Maybe, but I don't want to think about our kids doing that!"

Esme was circumspect. There was no need to tell her husband about the advice she had given her daughters-in-law.

"You know what?" she asked. "I think I'd like to go next door and have a gelato, and maybe some coffee first."

"Won't we be late?" He was confused.

"No dear," she replied with a gleam in her eye. "Sometimes a little more time is just what the doctor ordered." Grabbing her husband's hand, she paused outside the gelateria. "Hey, where do you think we can pick up an air conditioner?"

These were my favorite parts. You my third choice so far. good luck!
4mibaby chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
funny AND sexy. loved how bella took charge at the end!
susayq chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
oh God, I thought I was going to choke with laughter from the advice the girls got from their neighbors and MIL. Esme is something else :)

keyecullen chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
Good story. Much luck in the contest.

SweetPoeticJustice chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
OMG! That was so sweet and real and I just all kinds of loved it! I loved how E&B and their relationship was so realistic. Not perfect hea but what we all feel and go thru in our marriages or relationships. The smexin with the slipping from the oil on the floor too cute and funny! I adored every piece of this!
moniquecullen chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
I loved that Bella made Edward say her name! I've done that before. I see why guys do it, it's an ego boost!
Wendy Addictedtoff chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
Enjoyed this one. Always favor a story based from my hometown B-more ;)

Food fight and sex after. That's the way to play.

This one shot felt real and relatable. Hmmm, wonder if I can get my hubs to agree to remodel the kitchen.
MssL chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
that.. was... fucking... HOT.
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