Reviews for The Birthday Present
Richolse chapter 17 . 12/30/2014
I was quite liking this story at first but the last few chapters have put me off a little. I realise lois sleeping with GA was neserssary to the plot but the way in which it happened was ridiculous and made nightwing and batgirl look overwhelmingly incompetent.
To let lois leave that club by herself is beyond stupid, let alone allowing her to enter a hotel room with a man who does not know what is going on. It is the equivalent of letting someone who you know has been slipped a date rape drug being taken to bed by a stranger. A greater reason should of been given to explain why batgirl did not stop this.
It is also ridiculous that nightwing would take someone he knows can control minds and think it was a good idea to let him be held in a standard police holding cell.
Rex Splode chapter 34 . 1/2/2014
A interesting end to a story that i honestly thought was going to be much shorter and ultimately about SM/WW and Lois kinda hooking up and stuff as the story went along.. You certainly deliver a punch with the narrative and push forward the ideal that is superman well with this story.

However, superman or not.. Nobody is going to become friends with somebody again after that kinda thing happens. I mean.. i get it, hes SM and there was so much mind controlling going on and other stuff that technically it wasn't Lois's fault, however there is little to no excuse of GA.

I know America especially has a issue with cheating couples and that there are some people out there willing to forgive certain trespasses but honestly.. I expect more from my heroes. It'd be one thing if he was just on his own or part of a smaller team. Hes in the JL. crazy earth shattering insane stuff happens all the time and heroes are expect to fight it, not sleep with married women and then go right back to saving lives. I know everybody is into the dark and gritty super heroes now days, and I like some of it also but still within the story written here I see nothing absolving GA at all of his action and he is entirely undeserving of the forgiveness offered to him or his own retrospection of his life and the betterment for it, after realizing he has been a total ass his entire life.

There is only one character deserving of such forgiveness and still able to be a Superhero, and currently that's Marvels Venom, though that's all just my opinion.

Also, at several points in the story there are key misspelled words, left over words from a correction or rewrite here and there. Mostly its not a issue but at times the sentence and 'suspense' was ruined. My brain usually just fixes the errors but not always.

Now how was the story as a whole? at first it was hard to read with no separation of what was going on and the battles made it even more confusing. However as time goes on your writing style improves and incorporates changes made to make the reading easier for the readers.

Your spelling for the most part is pretty good and the Dialog gave me several laughs. I was able to follow the entire story arch from start to finish, without missing to much of what was going on aside from the few confusing battles or situations here and there but they don't take away from the story arch as a whole. the story itself is pretty good and i wouldn't have read 34 chapters if it wasn't. good job all things considered, it always interesting to see what situations Fan will write our favorite characters into.
Rex Splode chapter 29 . 1/2/2014
All i got to say bout this chapter is.. its probably Ollies ( GA ) kid, not Clarks, lol. I'm fairly positive that he is exactly the kind of asshole who sleeps with another mans wife and doesn't use a condom. Although the whole lightning and red/blue Krytonite ring thing was confusing but I guess i could see how it could work... not really. but its comic book logic here so it doesn't really matter. So far I enjoy reading this story for the various hilarious situations these heroes keep finding themselves in under various forms of mind control as well as the AU personality's of certain characters.
Rex Splode chapter 19 . 1/1/2014
lol.. whoa. Ah.. my only question is this.. when Maxwell was arrested or taken by night wing... why did he just duck tape his mouth shut? I mean really? What you think that without handcuffs he will stay that way? Why was he in a normal cell, and not some mind shielded dc universe science magic cell or something?
Rex Splode chapter 9 . 1/1/2014
this story would be so much easier to understand and read if a time stamp was applied to each section as it shifts around from one point in time to another, and a simply line acrossed the page to visually determine when the perspective has switched from one group or person / area to another. Reading this story as it causes a major issue for me, confusion. Once things catch up and I see something that has happened before then i know where and when we are but until that happens I'm left wondering.

Aside from those issues, this is a entertaining short story so far.
LolaTheSa chapter 2 . 11/9/2013
Huh?
night4345 chapter 17 . 9/25/2013
i wish you had killed oliver. he deserves it
HELLACRE13 chapter 34 . 8/11/2013
Awww...bit sad but happy goodness! Enjoyed it. Looking forward to the other one!
DooMguy101 chapter 19 . 8/10/2013
One of the best fanfics i have ever read
phyrephly chapter 34 . 8/10/2013
fitting end to a mammoth Epic. Feel a bit for Lois, but she probably wouldn't has survived, too happily anyway, motherhood with a Kryptonian baby. Glad Ollie made up with Hal - off screen, anyway. Excellent work D. An enthralling read. :D
bcwmh chapter 34 . 8/9/2013
Yay finally! been waiting for this a long time. lol
The two babies was unexpected as I always thought Lois is more likely to become pregnant with Ollie's child. So does that mean Kal's child had an accelerated growth? Since Lois found out she was pregnant a month after Ollie and less than a day after her and Clark's superpowered night.
Nice ending though I was actually hoping for more Kal & Diana interaction. ;) Looking forward to your updates on Breathless. :))
krazie4kaldiana chapter 34 . 8/9/2013
Aaawwww what an ending wow poor lois but happy she out the picture sorry i just simply love SM&WW together great story and glad its finally finished because it was at the most interesting and well written story from start to finish hopefully you can write more SM & WW fics
Ratdogtwo chapter 34 . 8/9/2013
Sad and Happy Chapter. Awesome story, Thanks for shareing it with us
TLynnson chapter 34 . 8/9/2013
I loved the way this story was wrapped up. Nicely done.
Guest chapter 33 . 6/30/2013
neeeed to see how this ends!
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