|Reviews for The Tempest|
| lorella moon chapter 10 . 10/19/2013
| Hibary-Hiwatari chapter 10 . 11/5/2012
This was cute. Me likes :notbad:
But a little bit OOC. Just that :
I wish i can read something more from you. I'll be waiting for it :3
| ApprenticeDaman chapter 10 . 7/22/2012
wow thank you, I enjoyed reading your fic.
| Smouse chapter 10 . 3/6/2012
OMG, that was an amazing read...!
Great story, made me so f*king happy I could bounce off the walls! :D
| Tsuki ya hoshi chapter 10 . 2/19/2012
naaaaaaaaawwwww :3 hehe I finally got around to reading it again. ...I actually went through and read the whole thing over again... _ Don't judge me. I loved this fic soooooo much! :D:D:D:D
| RejectedxPancakes chapter 10 . 12/26/2011
Such a great story (: I loved the ending :3 Wonderful job ! :D
| quwira chapter 10 . 12/24/2011
what a lovely ending
| wishfulliving89 chapter 10 . 12/18/2011
love the story very cute an so sweet. very well written 2.
| Failisse chapter 10 . 11/2/2011
Beautifully written. The plot may not have been very exciting, but it was deep and thoughtful. I liked it a lot. I hope to see more wonderful fics like this.
| dancing elf chapter 10 . 10/26/2011
enjoye your fic
| bjjoke chapter 10 . 10/24/2011
What? Thats it? Really?
Come on! Write another one! Please!
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 10 . 10/22/2011
Aww! Such a sweet fic! Loved it. .
| The Wicked One 22 chapter 10 . 10/22/2011
*sniffles* that was beautiful, Jessica. I'm awake at 6:49 am, and that chapter just made my ENTIRE day happy. It was amazing! Love you dear.
| mintriddell chapter 9 . 6/26/2011
I did enjoy this piece quite a bit! I found your characterization to be strong and consistent throughout, and your diction level is excellent.
On the other hand, I did find parts of this work very difficult to read from a grammatical perspective. I would highly recommend getting a Beta or Editor before posting a chapter, it helps significantly to catch smaller errors that effect the reading experience.
One of the major issues I noted was the use of:
Your (Possessive, belonging to)
You're (Conjunction, 'you are')
Their (Possessive, belonging to)
They're (Conjunction, 'they are')
There (Location, passive)
To (Connector, 'I went to the store')
Too (Excessive, 'I purchase too much at the store')
These were the most common mistakes and are a common mistake even with publish authors. Editors help avoid confusing these similar words in the finished work.
In addition, there is frequent use of ellipses in this fiction. Ellipses lose effect and impact very quick if used frequently.
For instance, in the last chapter,
"I shouldn't have run away," Katsuya scolded himself inwardly, "Running won't solve anything." (More descriptive text), "All I'm doing is running from my feelings and I can't hide forever..."
Creates a much more prominent effect, and removes the use of sentence fragments and overuse of ellipses.
I also notice you used first person perspective for this, focusing on Katsuya initially, but then reveal observations or thoughts that are from Kaiba. This is inconsistent and affects the flow of the story when reading. I would recommend trying third person omniscient if you would like to include both character's thoughts. Otherwise, descriptive text could be used as Katsuya observes Kaiba's actions. (For instance, 'Katsuya bit his lip harshly, choking back a furious response as Kaiba smirks smugly at him. Even his smirk seems a little less cruel than it had been before, and Katsuya isn't sure how to respond any longer.')
Otherwise, you could also switch between characters as you move between scenes, which is a bit trickier to pull off successfully, but an efficient solution if you pull it off.
Once again, I really enjoyed reading this and I have every hope my suggestions will help you improve!
If you do ever need a beta for a future work and are unable to find one, I am always willing.
| mandapandabug chapter 4 . 6/8/2011
i don't think i understand why jou thinks he own Kaiba. not only did he just try and return the case, but he got hurt in the process of falling, which was an accident. but then again, Jou can be really dumb sometimes and probably wouldn't think about that, just the fact that he broke something very expensive. i still like where this story is going and will continue reading, but still, Jou is being a little too dumb. well i guess he is that dumb, but i love him so i like to deny it :D haha. anyway, i'm going to keep reading, review you later_