|Reviews for Unforgotten Betrayal|
| kyle.hill.7965692 chapter 2 . 5/13
What would be more interesting is if this was an actual novel where as this story goes Edmund runs off after being put in *exile* but instead tries to find the way to the lamp post in order to return *Home* at the professors house figuring the other siblings will be too keyed in on their adventures to care where he goes then decides to join the RAF or something to help fight the war to *prove* himself worthy of his older brother.
That would be tons better then this fast food fic. Nothing wrong with fast food fics but this didn't come with fries! I want my fries!
| TheBigOne chapter 3 . 4/20/2014
In other words this story has the *Mary Sue* vibe to it and you know the rest.
I am surprised most Narnia readers don't understand the Mary Sue concept actually.
| TheBigOne chapter 2 . 4/20/2014
I am not sure if you accept constructive criticism and don't want to be attacked for *flaming* when I am not so I will make this suggestion.l
This story started out really great and a good flow until you had *Aslan* show up and made it all Mary Sue like. If I were you I'd have Edmund live the life of a fugitive for a bit and either not have Aslan show up OR have hims how up later at a dire moment in order for there to be a real story to this.
I am not saying this story is bad but this is pretty much a *one shot* using multiple chapters.
| Crazy Dyslexic Nerd chapter 4 . 7/23/2011
That's such a sweet ending. (-:
| Crazy Dyslexic Nerd chapter 3 . 7/23/2011
I'm glad they made it pax; although, Peter really should learn to rein in his temper. Yelling at younger sibling isn't helpful. I say this from experience.
This is a really good story.
P. S. The song from TLK2 is amazing alright, but if my obsessed little sister listens to it one more time... Then banishing her might be in order! Listening to that song about a thousand times can get annoying.
| Crazy Dyslexic Nerd chapter 2 . 7/23/2011
I'm ever so glad he met Aslan! It seems right.
| pmbs1994 chapter 4 . 4/26/2011
I think the story is great. written very well ! but I dnt really like the story because Edmund did earn everybody's trust back long long time ago when they were in narnia the first time by ruling justly by protecting Narnia and his siblings so I dnt think that Peter would do that but something equally stupid yes! But other than that little bit I like the story
| Crazy Dyslexic Nerd chapter 1 . 3/17/2011
Oh, poor Edmund! It's always him, isn't it? I say he has the most luck, although at least half of his luck is the bad sort! I can't believe Peter would do that to his brother! It's so horrible that no one should have to go through that, whether they did whatever it was or not. And there wasn't any justice, no listening. Nothing resembeling a trial, or even a simple moment of objective people deciding whether or not anyone had betrayed anybody else! Really horrible. And awesomely written. It's horrible in a good way.
| Swanwhite of narnia chapter 3 . 1/14/2011
really good and thought provoking piece ...every time I hear that song I remember your story...and I also replace characters
| dbd823 chapter 4 . 12/30/2010
That was really good. Thank you, KatieMalfoy19, for requesting an epilogue! I don't think the ending would've been nearly as good with out it. I don't really know what else to say, besides well done! I hope you continue the good work through your other stories, if they aren't finished yet!
| Desertfyre chapter 4 . 12/20/2010
Beautiful story! D Glad the two got it together!
| Desertfyre chapter 1 . 12/20/2010
I know you didn't! You did! I can't believe you used that song, it was so perfect! (And ironically I was watching Lion King II for the past couple of days I love that song) Loved the chapter! I want to smack Peter and for the first time the Narnian's upside the head! Poor Edmund!
| FelipeMarcusThomas chapter 4 . 10/23/2010
It was a well-written story. I am glad that Peter felt bad for the way he took the failure of the night raid out on Edmund, because he very definitely should have felt very, very bad. Edmund was far, far too forgiving of Peter, though I am glad that he explained why what Peter did hurt so much.
| Angel of Mercy '96 chapter 4 . 10/4/2010
I usually right there to review your stories. Sorry! I was busy... :(
It's a good epilogue, you had a few typos. That's something you don't need to worry about. You showed both brother's emotions very well. Good job!
| KatieMalfoy19 chapter 4 . 10/2/2010
Yay! Oh my gosh you did it! I'm so ecstatic you wrote this! Its perfect and gave this story awesome closure! Eek! Thank you thank you thank you! Yay! I loved how the boys were with each other and that Ed finally told Peter what he saw. I'm also glad that Peter knows his little brother well enough to make sure Ed gets that he really did forgive him for all that happened with the white witch! Awesome job on this!