|Reviews for Feel So Numb|
| klu chapter 214 . 8/2/2014
I don't even know what to say here... So much pain and horror show ending for Alex and Von...
Dean didn't even get to say goodbye to Alex since she was already dead by the time he got there and Sam didn't even see Ruby kill Alex because he was so focused on Lilith...
And they didn't even get the bodies out...
| klu chapter 212 . 8/2/2014
It was WRONG. It was CHEATING. They can't pass it off like they could the kissing and calling it 'exchanging' or some other crap. ... But it was HOT reading it none the less. They can say they were high, I guess, but seriously, they knew it was wrong and they shouldn't have been in this situation in the first place,
As upset as I am that Alex had sex with Sam (and vice versa), and as skeeved that I am that they both had sex with Ruby.. The most disturbing thing here is Alex burning down that apartment building, OK not the arson and destruction of property as much as the intentional sealing the PEOPLE inside and being thrilled that she was killing them. If it was just the building, it would still be upsetting because she would have been destroying people's homes and leaving them with nothing... but to do what she did, she wasn't 'following orders' or under anyone else's command, she did it out of pure fun and spite... that is inexcusable and I am not sure that the character can redeem herself in my eyes; only time will tell.
Thus far, besides cheating on Von, (which is a total douchebag move and I REALLY hate him for it) Sam's intentions are still to stop Lilith and 'save the world from the Apocalypse' - even if hanging out with Ruby and using her methods are the absolutely dumbest way to do that... Still, good intentions lead where, Sam Winchester? Hmmmm? I believe the show had Sam's good intentions landing him in Luci's cage, now didn't they? Lesson learned, I think... I can't wait to see what they lead in this fanfic and it's sequel...
| klu chapter 210 . 8/2/2014
So much happened here. First. I want to say that as a pervert, I was seriously disappointed that the details of the 'orgy' were not divulged at length. I was expecting this chapter to be the complete, juicy bits of sweaty, tangled limbs, groping hands, sucking, bucking, freaky-deaky, Dean-tied-to-the-bed, Sam-howling-horny (and maybe slightly furry?), Von and Alex channeling their inner goddess connection... All while Trent looks on and masturbates in the corner and makes requests (which is kinda hot too). Did I mention I'm a pervert?
But nooo, we skip that and go right to Alex freaking out on Trent, the poor little were-kitty... Then She leaves? instead of thinking.. Uh, I dunno... Maybe she's still under the freaky-deaky spell that started the 'orgy' in the first place? And she calls Ruby?! Again with this b**ch? Why is it that anyone thinks this hag is so 'nice'? Seriously wanna slap Alex for being so stupid.
The Dean fake-out, trying to up and run back to the mermaid once they untied him and ending up in a four-person naked dog-pile - or I guess, technically, it was a wolf-cat-witch-metahuman-pile... Anyway that made me laugh outright that he thought he'd just make a break for it in the buff (LOVED the entire Mermaid-Demon seal thing and the plot of this mini-story arc here, BTW).
| klu chapter 205 . 8/2/2014
In a weird and twisted way I am not really sickened by Sam 'drinking' from Von - not in the way I am from him drinking from Ruby. Even Alex wasn't as gross, or vile as an option as Ruby, but it definitely seemed more wrong because she is Dean's love and that meant they both were lying. It wasn't just about the intimate way he was taking her blood, but the fact they were doing something so sneaky against the people they claimed to love above all others. With Sam and Von it is a very symbiotic give and take and while still gross at the base of it (drinking another person's blood IS gross) there is a weird loving factor there that seems to make the entire exchange very intimate and ... acceptable.
What I wonder (and I think I've pondered this before) is does Von's blood allow Sam to have the same power, demon-zapping-wise? Because I am seriously thinking if it doesn't boos his demon-ganking mojo, it has to give him some other type of power, just because of what a powerful witch she is...
| klu chapter 204 . 8/2/2014
I fully expected that while Sam and Von were making love and he wolfed out - that she would suddenly have wings enveloping them,,,, Did they just ruin another one of Bobby's mattresses? because the older hunter is only gonna put up with so much of the young'un's 'idjitry' before he gets more than just grumpy about it. teeheehee.
| klu chapter 200 . 8/2/2014
Ruby?! if I could bi**hslap Sam and Alex right now... Oh, I would till my hands hurt.
Why would they think that just because the angels are a big bag of dicks that a demon has a plan that isn't just as twisted and .. oh, I don't know... WRONG?!
How in the world do they think they will get away with keep this a secret? either they'll get caught sucking face and cause THAT problem... and what are they gonna say? Hmmmm? ":Oh, no! we're not really making out... I'm just feeding Sam my blood because he doesn't want to drink Ruby's blood anymore..."
For two very smart people, they are two of the biggest idjits ever. If you're keeping it a secret because you're ashamed, then maybe (just maybe?) you're ashamed for a legitimately nefarious and not a truly noble reason!
| klu chapter 184 . 8/1/2014
WTF Cas? He just sits down and watches TV and doesn't lift a finger to heal Alex or Von? When it LITERALLY takes him just that? I mean I was thrilled that he offered to let Von take 'angel air' to get to Alex in time to save her, but he could have been a bigger help in the overall situation and he certainly could have helped after bringing the women back to Wisconsin.
| klu chapter 154 . 7/31/2014
for Pete's sake! I do not agree with it, but I understand why Sam lied and didn't say anything after Ruby visited him. But I don't understand for one little minute why the next morning Alex didn't speak up to the group and say that the demon had talked to her and what the cow wanted. She was, after all still thinking Sam trusts Ruby and by that logic, shouldn't she share with the class? It seems like they learned NOTHING from the Trickster's lesson. Alex speaking up would have also forced Sam's hand. Plus, he would have had an opportunity to mention that he smelled Noah on Ruby and they all could have been aware to be wary of the other werewolf.
Since Sam did know about the Ruby-Noah connection and he was still not trusting Ruby, when he say Noah kissing Von and then she said he forced himself on her - I can't believe how he didn't for even a moment consider that Noah had a hidden agenda. How was it that Noah just happened to be in Griggsville? I've been to Griggsville, and there is NO reason a person would be in such a small backwater place by coincidence. Sam is smarter than that and should have put 2 and 2 together...
| klu chapter 151 . 7/31/2014
Dammit. I liked Noah and thought he was a good guy. Now I know he is on Ruby's side and only looking to screw with Sam and Von, and everyone as he helps her corrupt Sam into fulfilling the 'master plan'. That blows.
But the sex scene where he wolfed out was both disturbing and exceptionally hot, maybe because I love fur so much... :)
| klu chapter 149 . 7/30/2014
This story is still just incredibly compelling and I am sorry I haven't taken time to write a review in such a long time...
I a enjoyed the gender swap that the trickster put the foursome through, although it seems that he let them off the hook before they really gave in and revealed all their secrets. But I have noticed there's been no more Ruby popping up since then.
The hunt with Trevor dying was harsh and sad and terrifying. I think the worst of it (besides Trevor getting killed and them having to kill the others) was not Sam getting infected but the breakdown between Von and Alex friendship and the strain on Sam and Von's relationship.
I am utterly confused as to why, when he is capable of healing things, Dean isn't doing more of it? He's had several opportunities where he could have helped the others but he hasn't and it just seems like bad form to have one of the group not at 100% (or at least not suffering) when it could be so easily handled. Especially knowing that if they were to get into another fighting situation, the injured person could be a detriment to him/herself as well as not provide as much backup for the group. Like now; Von's been having trouble with her knee for days after stopping Luca and it could have been 'fixed' immediately and done for Dean in a matter of minutes, maybe an hour if her injury was that bad. I realize he maybe couldn't have done it right when it happened because he wanted to be able to help Alex when they got to her, but while Von was in Alex's head working the dreamroot? Ot the following two days they waited for her to get out of the hospital? and if Alex still has any sores from vamp bites, why hasn't he taken those away now they she's 'free'?
Sam and Von: I do know and understand why she is so wary of him and his new wolfish tendencies, even while being drawn to them. And now, especially after being put through everything that Leon's sick fantasy did to her while in the dreamland... But she needs to tell him about the dream and remember that it wasn't really Sam and he would never rape her. Her insecurities about Luca also need to be voiced to Sam in private, in terms of how it makes her feel about their love... She needs to talk about it because in part it is jealousy and he can put that part of her insecurity at rest; Sam loves her and Luca, just like the call of Luna, cannot, will not, get in the way of that.
But Von's thoughts about Luca's pull being a trick to lure Sam in and make him part of the evil witch's 'collection' - especially as an additional means to hurt Von - must be voiced to the entire group. If Noah is going to stay and help them he needs to understand Luca's real/true passion as well. She started to talk about it but wasn't at all as vocal as she needed to be for the group to understand exactly how strong the other witch's pull could be. Luca could easily pull in Dean or Alex the same way.
| klu chapter 115 . 7/27/2014
OK ... so first off I want to say that I am really, really enjoying this trip through time... I hold out hope that much will be learned/revealed once everyone is back together, healed and in 2005 again, I wish Dean could have revealed his healing ability to Von without her going through so much torture, but at least one secret is a little more revealed to all the group.
I was also annoyed that Sam didn't just go ahead and tell Dean and Alex that Von had 'called' him in his dreams - even if he didn't tell them about the whole 'master' thing, it could have just been considered part of her witch mojo.
So again remember that I am loving this as I ask: WTF?! This is a colossal colonial cluster-f**k. First Cas zaps them back there and doesn't help at all, then there is some other 'angel' who is more perverted and twisted then Zachariah. I seriously suspect he's of the angels cast out with Luci, right? So he's still technically an angel by species, but not on the Heavenly payroll. As you write him, it's like the one meatsuit is possessed by a standard, follow-orders,-no-emotions-to-be-had run of the mill Angel (like Cas was when we first met him on the show) and a demon at the same time.
The crucification ritual seems almost sacrilegious, especially being done within the church.. Which makes me wonder again if Joshua isn't as much a helper from Heaven as much as a deceiver from Hell. It reminds me of the episode with the 'Whore' posing as the reverend's daughter; making an evil agenda look like the Lord's work. Not unlike Ruby making her agenda look like genuine caring and shared goals.
| klu chapter 105 . 7/27/2014
So much has happened and where to begin?
First off, this is not a criticism of you, because I've never really read any fanfic that handled the Dean finding out about Ruby being alive and Sam using his abilities any better than the show did... But why in Cas' name didn't Dean ask the easy and frankly obvious, questions: 1.) HOW? How is Ruby helping you train and get stronger? 2.) WHY? If you're not ashamed, and don't think something is wrong with what you're doing, then WHY keep it a secret, even if you know I won't like it? 3.) If she's just here to give info on Lilith, why couldn't she do that over the phone? and BTW, what was this very important info she had for you?
While I am confident Sam would have lied about everything... In this fic in particular, I think asking about the HOW might have caused both Von and Alex to speak up when Sammy did feed a line of BS. Von might even be able to put it together that this is why Sam always tasted of blood, and Alex's demon half might know a thing or two... But just use logic. Ruby was there for 10 min and Sam got significantly stronger? That's not training, that is something else. Not just the girls, but even Dean could have calmed down long enough to see/feel/sense that, and call him out on the lie.
OK, that is my whining over. The events that led up to this chapter and the upheaval, not only with Sam and Von, but Dean and Alex too... It was amazingly powerful, both in the action and displays of abilities, but also emotionally..
First Sam and Von - while I do understand her being upset at his lies overall, it did seem like she was most upset by the fact that he'd had a physical relationship with her just a few weeks ago. But the thing is, she had to know that he had some sort of physical encounter with the half naked woman they found in his hotel room and that Sam isn't 'pure' like she is. Regarding Sam's sex with Ruby (and only the sex) I think Von needs to accept that the past is where it is. Now, as readers, we all know Sam is honestly not ready to give up Ruby sexually just yet, but she didn't know that and her reaction (again, I only mean about the sex) was just too 'school girl' for that situation. As far as the lying and sneaking around in general, I definitely think that Von had every right to be p*sssed and leave. Part of me wondered if she did suspect that Sam was drinking Ruby's blood and she also felt like maybe Sam used her as a substitute for that too. Since a part of her enjoyed the feeling/concept of him drinking from her, she probably feels scorned there too. Again, if she did have that suspicion, (or if she calms down and puts it together) I DO hope she tells Dean her suspicions, but probably won't.
Sam has to know that while Ruby may or may not have feelings for him Von does and the idea that he was even considering keeping them both around was way wrong. Just knowing he thought about it would have been hurting Von immensely.
Regarding Alex and the Sam issues: I just wish she would have said one thing. something to effect of: a demon claiming to 'remember what it was like being human' is very different than her situation where she actually IS half human and has her demonic side in check.
With Dean and Sam: I do think he is being just a little hypocritical, because he still hasn't shown Sam his healing mojo. And he can't just say, but I asked Sam directly about his stuff and he lied, he never asked about mine... It's not like that's a question Sam would ever just 'come up with' out of nowhere. Sam has asked if he remembered Hell, and Dean flat out lied about that.
I do understand why Dean is more suspicious of Sam's abilities and against him using them versus whatever Von or Alex can do. Von and Alex come by it 'naturally' since they were born with their power. Sam's was literally force-fed on him by demons, demons who did not hide that they had nefarious plans for Sam and wanted him to use those abilities and get stronger with them. Sam's excuse that he uses the power against demons doesn't really mean much because demons are always fighting amongst themselves and of course the ones wanting him to 'get strong' would want him to have power to destroy their enemies.
However, I can also understand why Sam feels like he owes so much to Ruby. In his mind, she really was trying to help Dean avoid Hell (even though she was already lying to Sam back then and Dean caught her in lies then too) . Sure Dean ended up in Hell, but from Sam's standpoint, They all failed - him Bobby and Ruby; he saw it as she was overpowered by Lilith, not willingly allowed her boss to use her meat... And when he was off the rails, her pep talks and support did certainly keep him from eating a bullet or genuinely drowning in his own booze-filled vomit.
As far as Dean and Alex go...
I was proud of Dean for being as honest as he was capable in his stressed out state - his 'I just do, sorry, but I don't even have a better way to explain it to myself.' while not the answer she wanted, was at least open and raw. Beautifully done.
I do wish that when they were in the restaurant that he'd conveyed a little more about he'd tell her, but it's a long story, very non-vacation topic stuff, and the restaurant/date just wasn't the right time/place. Maybe even say he didn't want to bring everything down. Because those were his thoughts. Now she's heard a kind of cliff-notes version of the story from a demon and if Dean tells her anything, she might think he's only doing it because Ruby forced his hand. But I still hope she asks about some of the things Ruby said to her. I hope that She also begins to tell Dean about her time in Hell and more about those things she thinks are going to turn him away. She and Dean both think so little of themselves; I do hope they both can understand their own self-image is wrong and begin to see in themselves what the other does.
You managed to push so much emotion into this. I just felt spent, and seeing as how it was 4 am... I just had to sleep, no matter how much I wanted to leave this review and then keep reading - I just had to go to bed. Amazing.
| klu chapter 79 . 7/26/2014
The love-saga between Von and Sam has really begun to grow interesting and while I hate the whole 'demons spouting their prophecy crap', I do love that Sam and Von will be stronger as they stand against those forces together. I am confident as they learn about Dean's 'Hell rescue' and more about Alex's time in Hell (and how she got out herself), I think their parts to play in apocalyptic plans are going to be just as interesting.
I think 'Team Free Will' will still have a lot to endure before it's formed, though, and that's part of what's so compelling about this story.
I don't like that Von didn't tell Sam about going with Bobby when he called her, and I think those smaller aversions are going to be more problematic to their relationship than their supposedly 'dark coupling' that has the demons so interested.
I am fearful of Dean and Alex together when they both begin to entertain thoughts of torture and pain, whether it's on themselves or each other. However, the idea that they could be opening the door to something darker is amazingly cool. Terrifying, but still cool.
Alex being Jealous of Sam and Von during the drinking game - how they were so 'touchy' and open - was self-contradictory . She can't be upset she doesn't have that when she refuses to let herself be seen with Dean (or anyone else, really). I do hope at some point she understands that she IS worth people caring about her and that CAN include being public about what's happening with Dean (at least with the other 3 main people in their lives).
I did notice Dean's thoughts when Trevor was almost kissing Alex: he thought of her as 'his woman'. Again I think this is very telling about how he wants to change and be less 'Dean-ish' regarding women, at least for Alex in particular, I fear that Dean's low self-esteem and her constant need to keep things secret will lead him to believe she is ashamed of HIM and it won't bode well for their potential romance (her being a b**ch when others are around doesn't help either).
I was really hoping that Dean would have to expose his new found ability to his brother... It might've gotten the honesty train to at least blow the whistle for the foursome. Because I realize that train's not going to be boarding, let alone departing any time soon.
The sexy bits between both couples are totally HOT; I have to say that Dean borrowing Von's car was awesome, because I kept thinking 'how do they think they're going to get away with that when everyone got in the Impala?' Also, where in the Hell was Bobby? Not only do I think maybe he has some info of his own that he's not sharing, (and I'm excited to learn about it) but... He HAS to know something's up; because I know he is not as 'unaware' as everyone thinks.
I'm sure there was more I wanted to comment on, but I just want to get back to reading.
| klu chapter 58 . 7/25/2014
Honest to Cas: I had to get up and turn on a fan on me half way though reading this.
Dean and Ale clearly have the sexual chemistry and it's clear both of them have feelings that go beyond a 'fling-thing'... Dean already looking forward to their future encounters is a sure sign of his intent, along with his fleeting thoughts that he wants "only Alex"; I'm not sure that he understands the implications of that word 'only' in his thoughts... But for him it's significant. Just like with Sam and Von, if Dean and Alex could be more open about some of their pasts/hell experience, (why they don't feel 'worthy') they could really help each other in such a more profound way and I'm really rooting for that,
| klu chapter 56 . 7/25/2014
I am amazed at Sam and Von here. You do an amazing job ov conveying their feelings of doubt, need versus desire, love and being left/shunned. Both are in a continuous state of 'Push-Pull... don't leave me; you'd leave if you knew...'
You have also very successfully integrated music into this fic and as I read, there are times that I also 'hear' music like a background soundtrack while I'm reading, or I'm reminded of a lyric here and there.. But I should stress that I only do that when the writing is done so well that the emotions conveyed move me to recognize how they connect back to the music. Kudos on your achievement..
All I could 'hear' while reading this scene was U2's 'With or Without You' because it seems like they believe neither option is a solution for them. The most mind-boggling part is how two people who've got such conflicting feelings for one another and a jaded view of 'everybody leaves' seem to miss the most basic principle of what it means to love someone: they WILL p*ss you off, you will p*ss them off, but leaving the room isn't the same as leaving. When Sam was hurt and left Von in her office, he had no indication that things would end up like they did. And he wasn't 'wrong' to leave before he left and said something that would make the situation worse. That scene and the whole thinking 'he left/I left' crap they did reminded me of a line from Billy Joel "For the rest of your life you might love somebody, but you won't like them every day".