|Reviews for Pancakes|
| Avin-writes chapter 1 . 7/29/2010
LOL pancakes :)
really nice story
i wnana read more tough
but sadly its overXD
| XxXTwilight-SinXxX chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
That was totally cute! I would love to see a more actually a follow up maybe? :D
| Patcheresu chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
This would be the perfect thing if not for fail logic. You've combined two universes, an alternate ending where the Dark Hour still exists, as well as their memories, and the true ending, in which they live to see February 14.
There is no comment on her death.
Tartarus shouldn't be still there as Nyx had to be pushed back somehow. Maybe Ryoji suffered so much pheromone radiation from being near Minako in their Social Link that he decided "Screw destiny, these people are my friends/crush!"
While her and Akihiko can be a couple he, like Mitsuru for boys, mixed with a pinch of Atlus, a Guide Dang It. That means that He's easily Reversible and the Minako in this story is actually the mindset you need to have a chance, plus you must be at MAX Charm. In other words, you see you when you look in the mirror, but guys and lesbians see a moe blob that radiates hormones. It takes a LOT of Pheromone Coffee to do that so its fairly clear why she drinks so much of the stuff.
Just some random logic/
The story was nice, and pretty great for the small amount of English grammar-concerned writers on this site. You'd be surprised how many girls decide to put a "plz no flmz" and a smiley like this - to avoid criticism, flame or not, when they KNOW their writing fails.
The fail logic bummed me out, but I appreciated the rest of the story even though I'm a boy and find Minato a lot more able to relate to, and understandable beyond a concrete set-in personality then the girl because, I'm a boy.
Pancakes gets a 4/5. Definitely a read, unless you hate Minako or this game in general.
| Sinful Existence chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
I usually avoid stories written in first person like this, as that's usually a recipe for disaster. I was surprised this actually turned out really well. I had to laugh because Minako is also what I named my main character.
You got her personality pretty well for someone whose personality is defined in the game based on your choices. I would suggest in the future though that if you want to write a story on a character whose personality is vague, use third person omniscient. You can still mention if they feel sad or happy or whatever else without the added pressure of constantly needing what's going on in their head and risking making them sound like a mary sue or feeling like they're out of character.
I love the pairing of Akihiko and the main character and hope to see more chapters.
| Minato Usagi chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
Minako and Akihiko Kyaaa Iloe this pairing I love it so much gotta love this Keep Going I love this Fanfic
| kapal kertas chapter 1 . 7/27/2010
Although you claim that you have a hard time to explain Minako's POV, for me this is cool. There's an awkward feeling, yes, (woweee... freak fan-girl is scary...) but the sweetness follow up after! I might do some round of 'kya-kya' for myself x3 heheheheh
Nah, it's not an 'ok'-job. A great one, actually :D