|Reviews for Serpentine|
| SookieCullen9 chapter 31 . 1/14/2012
What a great story! I've really enjoyed it and can't wait to read the sequel!
| janet1982 chapter 31 . 1/11/2012
| aBoyWillDo chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
I was really interested in your premise. You have an interesting plot idea. The grammatical errors are distracting. I suggest using a beta or having a friend look over your writing. Good luck.
| Alpecca Ankaa Black chapter 32 . 11/22/2011
Lovely story; added to favorites.
| blue4dogs chapter 18 . 11/13/2011
Your story is very good but there is one thing about it that keeps interrupting the story. You keep leaving words out of some of your sentences. For example I see something missing when I read your sentence "His dad knew he was coming that afternoon, but he still felt bad he couldn't come greet Harry, even if only a month and a half." It's obvious you're referring to when Harry last saw his dad but that is not what you actually said... "even if only a month and a half" doesn't make sense. Please don't get me wrong, I like your story very much, I plan on continuing to read it & the sequel, and I can still figure out what you mean, it's just I think the story would flow better if I didn't have to stop & think about what you said every so often.
| Guest chapter 13 . 10/15/2011
So far loving the story.
| Kage 5243 chapter 32 . 8/31/2011
| TheOrchid chapter 32 . 8/11/2011
This really was an adorable fic. This is a pretty rare pairing, and one of the only non-oneshots that was written well. I look forward to reading the sequel.
| goodguy4u282008 chapter 32 . 8/3/2011
that was an awesome story can't wait to read the next one
| EbbinFlow chapter 4 . 7/25/2011
I tried to get through this story because I was interested in the idea, but your constant misuse of pronouns makes it difficult for me to understand what you are saying most of the time. The story is somewhat rambling and there is little to no detail given to important matters. You describe relationships like "son," "uncle," and "brother" without fully describing how these relationships actually work. You have sentences like "Her and her husband" instead of "She and her husband" that make it very difficult to read your story. It's possible English is not your first language, in which case, I can understand these mistakes, but your story is so filled with grammatical issues that any English-speaking reader would have difficulty comprehending your story.
Good luck with your stories. You've got some nice ideas and I hope you can improve your execution of them.
Cheers from Ireland.
| Hopeless Devotion chapter 18 . 7/24/2011
Before I start, I am enjoying this story. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. But a lot of your writing could use improvement. You like to say the same thing over and over again in a slightly different way. And I find some parts very disappointing. like in this chapter, I felt that Severus' proposal could have had a lot more detail and a lot more substance. It all seemed kind of crammed. When it comes to Harry and Charlie I feel that there is still more to explore. I don't understand them going on dates and things like that, though. They don't need a physical date for love to appear and I don't think that they should be stressing about how many dates they've been on. I am not done reading the story though, and intend to see it through. I will try and drop a review on the last chapter but keep on writing because there is promise in your writing.
| momocolady chapter 31 . 7/23/2011
| Arithmancy Master chapter 32 . 7/16/2011
Charlie is one of my favourite characters and I found your sequel. Not sure how I've not come across this story before.
I did enjoy the adventure part, especially Brazil, and liked the fact that Harry and Charlie were taking the relationship slowly, rather than jumpimg into be together on day one.
However, I wasn't so keen on all the discussions of wedding plans for 5 or 6 weddings, whether they happened or not. I'll start the sequel but may lose interest if we have huge chunks devoted to the forthcoming weddings of Fred, Draco and Remus.
| shiftyless chapter 32 . 7/5/2011
start to finish just damn awesome
| Babisko chapter 2 . 7/2/2011
The story's piqued my interest, though I have one, minor issue with it.
It's nothing big, but, I don't think you're story flows as well as it could. What I mean is the punctuation. Some of the periods could be switched out into commas, because when I read this, I read-
Something something *STOP* Something something something *STOP* Somethng *STOP* Something something *STOP*
You know what I mean?
Still, as I said before, the story isn't bad, and I'm looking foward to how it plays out :)