I like the story so far but there are many errors of syntax and semantics. You don’t get into an elevator and climb into the garage level, you descend to the garage level. Also, “him and I built this company” is incorrect in two ways. You wouldn’t say “him built this company,” also you cannot mix object and subject pronouns in one phrase. He and I are subject pronouns, while Him and Me are object pronouns. He and I built this company, it was not given to me and him. If you are not sure, just use we and us, they are easier to figure out.

She doesn’t want to be that girl but here she is
Oh so confusing
Lol

Predator

When the story began the point was made that the playroom had a padlock and the housekeeper did not have a key. Why is there no lock on it the night of the party? Edward is not the type to not have it locked especially since a new sub was not under contract

Loved every bit of this book. Thanks

Quelle belle histoire passionnante!

Relecture….

aïe

Départ intéressant!

Rose is rude, brash, and completely out of line. It’s like she’s never grown from high school. Not to mention Bella let’s her walk all over her. Stealing the dress from her simply because it was designer. Her advice is awful and way off. Always telling her how bad everything is. With friends like that, Bella does not need enemies.
~Z~

Beautiful story!

It’s “as” not “has”. FFS. Two entirely different words with different meanings. “As if I didn’t hear her” not “has if” coz that doesn’t even make sense. This is one of the irritating habits you have writing this story.

This is a copycat of FSOG :(

Oh dear this is dreadful. The writing is extremely juvenile and the spelling and grammar are appalling.

just WOW! I loved this story from start to finish and it will forever be one of my favorites. You are a fantastic writer able to portray characters that you can live the story with them,,,that is rare, Loved it!