Reviews for Missing Time
NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 10/24/2013
Despite the story being written in present tense, I like this story. The ending part was much stronger than some of the other parts of it. I think if it had been written in first person, the story could work much better and have a stronger tone to it.

Present tense doesn't really work in third person perspective. It sounds awkward. Past tense or completely being in first-person perspective could have taken the tone just a little bit higher.

That last part about the voice that nagged him, blamed him, spits at him used very strong wording and I could feel the tenseness of his own conscious weighing down on him.

I'm going to go read another story, but good job.
StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
. Gift for Participation in the 2013 Reviewathon! .

I really like this idea of what could have happened; I bet in that kind of situation, one would probably imagined what 'could've happened if'. I think it's cool how he considers what might've happened if ne never got the book back and carried on working for L, if L survived; what would have changed? Would there still be injustice in the world? I also liked the 'quiet reflection', since it really subtly shows, and shows well, Light's sadness about the situation. You don't really notice it until you really think about it, and I like the subtle way of showing emotions there. I also like how he's kind of in denial that he cares about L, but then it just keeps coming back to him that maybe he does. I like the 'his victory, his glory' as it puts the focus on him, like he's the one in the limelight, the victorious one who has worked hard to get to where he wants to be (which kind of reflects him being an ace student as well) I love the blame in this line as well: (L is dead, and it's all because of him.) I really love how all the way through this story, there's a constant sense of overwhelming guilt, and that last line was really tragic. :(

Sorry, no concrit for this one. :) I love this outlook on Light. Excellent job. :)
persevera chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
This is a powerful piece on regret and living with one's choices.
I like the phrase "an uncaring ball in the pit of his stomach." It's giving a characteristic to something inanimate, which is interesting, and telling the reader how miserable Light is with his memories and guilt.
The rhythm in the ending line, the one that has to be just right in such a short narrative, is perfect. Add a word or delete one and you lose that. Phrased the way it is, the reader stays with Light until the last word and feels his pain.
Fire Sage chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
Wow, what an interesting, insightful piece on Light.

For being so short you did a really good job of looking into the possible remorse one has to wonder Light feels for what he's doing, even though he feels it's right.

I couldn't find any note worthy grammar critiques so again great job!
darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Please know I know nothing of the fandom, but I really am so glad you decided to post this by itself as I quite agree with you. This was so sad. I rather like the character of Light; you describe his feelings well, and I can literally feel his sadness and angst in this over L's death. I also love that not only is he saddened by L's death, but also he must realize it had to happen. It was the only way he could have gone forward, and though I do not know the ins and outs of what he has to do, I can understand how certain events in life are necessary, even bad ones. But again, I love how he's basically torn between L's death being a good thing and feeling guilty over it. You have some amazing description there that really made this a powerful piece for me. The last line really sums it up. Sad and angsty, but really well done. I truly enjoyed it. :)
SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
"He feels it like a weight bearing down on his shoulders, pushing him down"
I'd say, "He feels it like a weight on his shoulders, pushing him down..."

"L's death was just the beginning, the pivotal moment; it needed to happen for him to get this far. But he hears a nagging voice in the back of his mind, whispering to him, blaming him for destroying the only one who's ever really mattered to him. For allowing the only person he could ever call a friend to die right before his eyes."

That last paragraph is, that's powerful. It says a *lot* in a few sentences. He allowed his best friend to die so that he could achieve victory? Makes me wonder what on earth went down with these two. Interesting, I must say. Very nice drabble!
Rosawyn chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
So, I don't know much at all about Death Note, but I decided to read this anyway. And aside from some rather strange names for these characters (Light and L?), I felt that I understood it well enough.

I get a sense of Light as someone who has a lot of regrets, someone conflicted over choices he's made, and it sounds like he's made some pretty bad ones if he did indeed let his only friend die so he could get some sort of "glory" that he had wanted but that doesn't seem to make him happy now.

I loved the imagery here: " he feels that old sense of remorse creeping up on him and clutching at his throat so tightly that he's forced to swallow, choking it back into an uncaring ball in the pit of his stomach. But even then it doesn't relent. He feels it like a weight bearing down on his shoulders, pushing him down into the ground." It's a good description of the way his guilt is affecting him.

Even though I honestly don't know who any of these characters are, I still found this to be enjoyable to read.
The Bitter Kitten chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
I really liked this.

I think it adds a shade of humanity to Light, that he'd stop to consider a personal loss in his fight for criminal cleansing, and you cram so much emotion and characterization into 100 words. I wish there was more I could say, because it's pretty awesome.

Fayah chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
Your writing is very beautiful - I love the imagery you used even though I'm not usually one for more dramatic descriptions.

In my personal headcannon I also kinda feel Light should have expressed more remorse for killing L (he might have, I just totally zoned out on the manga by that point probably) because I felt they did share a special companionship (due to their intelligence) that neither has had before. And perhaps that really did throw Light further down his crazy path because there's no real going back at that point.

Great job! :)
Mottsnave chapter 1 . 10/22/2010
It's actually been more than two years since I've seen Death Note, so my memories may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think that I never got a sense of remorse from Light in the Anime. That's why I like this little drabble; I think Light's character would be so much more interesting if he had to struggle with himself more about what he was doing. I think your story really gives him another dimension. Excellent!
Anime Monster chapter 1 . 8/13/2010
Very good story, quite sad and angsty. Overall, very well written for a drabble (which I usually don't like because they're too short).
scrambled-eggs-at-midnight chapter 1 . 8/2/2010
Bravo! Very nicely done, I like how you did this. Great use of words, too. :D *Favorites*