KennyChesney101 chapter 8 . 12/5/2013
No offence, but there's a lot of spelling mistakes and you got a lot of the lines wrong. I've watched the movie twister like a thousand times, so I know what I'm talking about.
AngryPurplePenguin chapter 8 . 6/9/2011
So, what you've essentially done is taken the movie Twister and shoe-horned Twilight characters into it. Bella takes the place of certain characters from Twister in the form of dialog or actions but then goes back to professing her love for Edward.

The first chapter is weak, not from the idea, but from the writing. It breaks down near the last two paragraphs. It was not too atrocious at the start but near the end of the first chapter everything fell apart. Conjoined sentences, poor spelling, bad grammar.

The second chapter just continues that downward spiral. Honestly, I made it to about mid-way before I skipped to chapter 8. Again, I was willing to give the idea a shot even though I don't particularly like the Twilight series.

But I do have to say, this story is perfect troll fodder. I mean, some of the mistakes come off as intentional. Like in chapter one, you misspell "our" with "ower" in the first sentence, "Me and my sister Jo was in ower..." never mind the grammar but in the very next sentence you correctly spell the word when you say "We were asleep in our bed..." It does seem like these errors were intentional.

Also, the fact it is so heavy with these errors says that if this isn't intentional then the very least, you didn't read over it. A good writer will read over their own writing two or three times AT LEAST before finishing it. Rereading gives you ideas for a better plot and it lets you catch errors.

The idea is interesting but the execution is far from desirable. I would considerably consider rewriting the whole thing, as it is now, it is very much a rough, rough, first draft.
Legolas' Girl 31 chapter 3 . 11/28/2010
I really like the idea and concept of this story, but there are so many spelling errors that it makes it really hard to read. I think that if you got a beta and had them look over it before posting that you might get a lot more reviews and feedback.

Mrs. Katie Gecko chapter 4 . 8/9/2010
I love this story. But you should have him leave, sorry but im not a fan of Edward.