Reviews for Vampires Don't Sparkle
Harold Lloyd chapter 1 . 2/3/2016

I wonder if Kayla Patterson's read this?
If she does, I wonder if she'd die of apocalyptic indignation?
God of Vampires aka Alucard chapter 2 . 5/10/2015
This was funny.
amaris12345 chapter 1 . 12/27/2013
this was a piece of glorious writing...genius...i clap my hands and bow to you. It is time that someone showed the cullens how a real vampire acts.
Bad Wolf and Timelords chapter 2 . 8/14/2013
XD funny
Aslook chapter 2 . 12/11/2012
Brilliant! Any chance of a sequel? Like Helen finding out, or the Volturi trying to kill Nikola!
Megabat chapter 2 . 2/13/2012
OMG I loved this SO much. Just awesome and funny and perfect. You really have to delve into another mission for these two to go on together.
RenegadeDragons chapter 1 . 1/5/2012
Marcus Rowland chapter 2 . 1/1/2012
Very silly and immense fun.
Eipok chapter 2 . 11/2/2011
I've dreamed of this ever since I first saw the Vampires and Werewolves of Sanctuary. I was watching, and I KNEW that THAT was what Vampires and Werewolves were supposed to be. And since that revelation, I've dreamt of seeing the Twilight abominations put in their place by their betters. Also, I just love Tesla ;p
TheImmortalNemesis chapter 2 . 9/16/2011
OMG this is the funniest thing i've ever read! :D LOL!
TvNut Loves Daryl Dixon chapter 2 . 9/15/2011
GSYH chapter 2 . 9/8/2011
It learns, hahahahaha!

Shaking hands can be gross, considering that, in spite of the adverts all over Toront about coughing into our arms if we don't have a tissue, I still see people coughing into their hands, their spread fingered hand.

I saw a boy do this on the bus, his girlfriend was leaning on him, and he was petting her on the head between coughs, with the same hand he's been coughing into. URGH.
GSYH chapter 1 . 9/8/2011
People have made the point that the Cullens were actually fairies.

They can eat regular food eh?

Look, HUMANS have been drinking blood for centuries, it's just not that /common/, probably due to JudoChristianIslam religions.

In Africa, there is this tribe who starts the morning with a mixture of goat/cow blood mixed with milk. Blood gives the the protein, without the need of killing the animal that provides it.

Pork blood is a 'delicacy' in Chinese cuisine, albeit we eat it in congealed cube format with congee.

Google blood soup.

Stuff like Blood and Liver soup is just good for providing vitamin B, what a woman needs after giving birth and if her period is really bad.

...or what an abnormal might need, if they have a heightened metabolism. If you live long, and move fast...and therefore have a heightened metabolism, then you probably have a need for a high protein diet, and blood is a quick way to get some in.
Valraine chapter 1 . 6/2/2011
Completely brilliant! Love it!
Skydive Off Isengard chapter 2 . 5/28/2011
That was hilarious! XDXD Definitely going into favorites. I loved the description of Henry and Tesla at the beginning: Henry being scruffy and adorable and Tesla being clean-cut and gentlemanly. So true. :D I also LOVE Henry/Tesla bromance. (That's guy/guy FRIENDSHIP for anyone who doesn't know.) You depict it brilliantly! :3

... XD Gosh, that was so awesome. Freaking great job!

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