|Reviews for Unwilling Students Original|
| Cornflower27 chapter 18 . 2/27
Ohoh. What Dumbledore is trying is rather dangerous. Atem is the ruler of Egypt. As such all his decisions have to put the wellbeing of his subjects first at all times. If a rulers integrity is meddled with he can't do that anymore. Which would mean the wellbeing of millions of Egyptians, from infants to elderly, would be endangered. If the Medjai find out about that they would have to do anything in there power to stop that. Which means they could attack Hogwarts in order to get them out since the safety of a few hundreds of teenagers would not be enough to sacrifice the safety of millions. Not even Atem himself would be able to stop that since I doubt the Mejai would follow his orders if they know he is being influenced by another. And if such a potion exists it's possible the Egypitans have some way to find out if their rulers integrity is endangered.
About Bakura breaking into Dumbledores office:
1. Isn't it kind of risky if Ryou stays back in the castle without an alibi? I mean Dumbledore could suspect it was them. He might not be able to prove it but I don't think he will give them the benefit of the doubt. So if Bakura is unable to separate from Ryou long enough for this it might be better if Ryou has an alibi even Dumbledore wouldn't suspect. (Like Bakura turning solid, walking out with them while Ryou stays back, turning spirit again and returning to the ring.) Flich does record who goes to the village and comes back. If one of them is missing it would be suspicious without an alibi.
2. “To his surprise when he opened the desk drawer” ...there were their millenium items as well… . Honestly when I was reading the beginning of that sentence I was so sure it was going to end like this. It made complete sense to me that Dumbledore would be putting them there since in his mind the Items are dark objects that need to be destroyed just like the horcruxes. Even if they are not inside, if he is already there why not try to find the missing millenium items as well?
3. What, he's taking them just like that? Without leaving a replica? I mean Harry knows how the book looks like. Same goes for the mages and their items. If they create replicas and spell them with minor (shadow) protection spells Dumbledore shouldn't notice anything. Maybe even consider them dark but harmless if he decides to investigate them before destroying them. And creating a copy of the ring and applying possible minor changes to the book with shadow magic should make them feel dark enough to fool Dumbledore. Sure it will drain Bakura but not enough that he can't escape anymore. I doubt Dumbledure wouldn't turn every stone over in order to find them if the ex-horcruxes just vanish. Which is just to dangerous for the mages. If he is kept in the dark about what happened in his office he probably won't react that bad, maybe even think it was some kind of prank which was supposed to catch him in a cloud of smoke but didn't work since he wasn't in his office?
If Voldemort is an enchanter wouldn't Dumbledore know he would be able to remove the bracers? So how can he think the mages are save? If Voldemort doesn't capture them all at once or he manages to capture more than one he is bound to figure out how the bracers work. And once the bracers are off the mages are his (at least Dumbledore and Voldemort think so). Except he does have some kind of failsafe in place, like once the bracer is taken off its bearer gets transported somewhere save. Like a cell they can't get out off without help from outside, even with their magic. Just in case they manage to take them off themselves or are captured. To bad he doesn't know about Shadi.
That Madam Puddifoot laces her food doesn't seem to be common knowledge. Otherwise Ginny wouldn't have taken Harry there. So how come Harry knows immediately that he was under the influence of a love potion? Did someone mention it to him before when Ginny was absent and he could think clearly?
No killing please. It was already hard enough when you killd those two medjai back in Egypt. :,( Also with the bracer taken of Yugi should be able to defend himself just fine. He is quite powerful. After all he defeated Bakura all by himself and was the only one to ever defeat Atem. And unlike Shadi in the narrow ally, he has more than enough room to do so since they are in some kind of ballroom. And if there are to many attacks he could use mirror force so all his attackers get hit by there own spells. Or even better since it is permanent: Mais trap card mirror wall, which surrounds the user and reduces the strength of each attacker by half with every attack. I wonder how many death eaters would pass out from weakness until Yugi manages to escape. :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/25
Sorry for not answering for so long. It's been a busy week. Plus I had to read through all the user-guidelines so I could make myself an account. Unfortunately I still don't have a name to go with it.
I'm really glad You like my reviews. I read the revision and I'm dieing to review for it. Especially for those two new chapters which weren't in the original story. But they will have to wait until I actually get to them with reviewing, or else I'll get confused and start to mix up things.
I don't think putting Voldemorts soul back together would fit into your story either. Besides, my point of view is that Voldemort never was good or sane (However you want to call it). At least not truly. According to the Books he let the Basilisk loose before he created the first horcrux (and blamed it all on Hagrid). I think the origins of his view of the world date back to his childhood. He was a poor orphan, one of many, with no power over his own fate and as usual during that time (I think) socially not held in high regard. Suddenly someone comes into his life and tells him he is someone special and powerful, someone that gives him hope. But the sad story of his parents, that he was never loved by his muggle-father, left alone by his mother (if I remember correctly she lost her will to live after his father left her and died in childbirth) and the fact that he had to return to this hopeless place every summer was enough to fuel his hate to muggles. Also, he wants to feel superior and seeks power because he never wants to go back to a place where he is considered a nothing and his fate decided for him by others more powerful than himself.
Onto the truth serum. I've never seen the movie so I can't tell you about that but in the book, as far as Harry knows, Umbridge uses the serum only once and on him (which later turns out to be fake-serum). But if you go by book or movie is entirely up to you. Dumbledore could also just think it to be unnecessary to use it again. He seems to overestimate himself a bit. Same goes for the truth carm. I just thought it would be a good precaution on the side of the mages since they don't know if he's going to try again. And I thought it would be funny turning his own precaution measures against him. The idea with checking the charm on it was just an added bonus which came to me afterwards. I can however see him testing the bracers for his truth charm once the mages start to make more friends. Either for precaution or out of suspicion. Especially since they are so close to his most important pawn (Harry).
Master strategist or not Atem always had a temper. Especially during the time he was influenced by the orichalcos. His anger is one of his flaws. Also Malfoy isn't really an enemy to them. At least not right now. He's an annoyance or some kind of bully (the sneaky, intelligent kind not the violent kind) but no real treat. So they can get angry at him but he doesn't deserve a well thought out strategy which would require Atem to keep his temper in check. So don't worry if Atem reacts a bit impulsive sometimes. I wouldn't describe Atem as arrogant though. Self-assured or confident is a better word I think.
Your right about Mana, she is hard to write. I like the idea of her getting some kind of feeling she needs to help. But rushing into things headless, well at least at important times, doesn't seem like her. In the Anime she meets with Atem at Mahads sanctuary trying to get more information. And she doesn't leave alone to search for Mahad. Also, it's her that calls for help once they know where he is.
I agree that Mana is somewhat dependent on Atem but my impression was that that was mostly due to her being insecure and maybe a bit scared since she didn't have much experience with those kind of things.
Atem not allowing her to come... well that is difficult. For one in the original Kaphiri and Isis don't really obey him either. Through he didn't forbid them from doing it they know that they are going against his wishes. Also I can't see Atem actually forbidding Mana something. She is his finance and they are supposed to be equals. If he were to try to tell her what she could and could not do, I think that would be one hell of a marriage. I guess that's also the reason why he isn't angry with her once she is there, just voices his concern about her safety. On the other hand your right about him being protective. I'm pretty sure he would find some way to convince her not to come.
I actually remember that scene. But to me it sounded more like she was telling him and herself that she was ready to fight to protect him since that would be her duty anyway once she completed her training. Which she felt was now or at least close to. And he accepted that since he trusted her judgment and knew she could handle herself. At least thats my impression.
I can't just picture her jumping headfirst in a situation she knows is dangerous. So I think once she got that feeling or dream that she had to be with him, the first thing she would do is get some advice. Since Mahad is still sealed she can't ask him, so I think the next person she would go to is Isis/Ishisu. She is a wise woman, due to the Necklace she has the gift of foresight, and she and Mahad are in love after all. (It's pretty obvious in the Anime but I'm not sure if you want to go with that since you could be planing to get her together wit Bill. But with all the things you make him do I'm not sure she would ever take him.) And if Isis just so happened to have a vague vision that Mana needed to be there or the Gods wanted her to be there (reason doesn't need to be known) she would let her go. (I'm guessing you have a reason why you want her there?) I also don't think they would tell anyone since first: Atem would have a fit, and second: someone could try and stop her and with that vision backing her up that absolutely couldn't be allowed. Which I think Shadi would understand, maybe possibly know already or listen to Isis. It wouldn't surprise me if he actually showed up during that conversation, either. In the Anime he seems to always know anything and Isis seems to somehow know more about him. (see Battle city) So maybe he doesn't show up those few days because he is watching Mana from the shadows to make sure their Queen is save until she actually gets to Hogwarts. Once she is there he cant do much to proteckt her since Dumbledore cant know about him.
About mental magic: I think the magic of the Millennium-items is the strongest mind magic there is. So Atem and Yugi managed to beat Pegasus and his eye. In the end it was the mental power of their friends but still. I think that left a permanent shield surrounding at least Yugis mind. And Atem was powerful enough to at least stall Pegasus so no other magic should have the power to access his mind. And he has his mind labyrinth. So you can go with either of those three or make it a triple protection for him.
With Seto you are right. mentally he is a very strong person. I think only millennium magic would be strong enough to enter his mind. And I'm pretty sure once he acknowledged the existence of magic he would work on his mental protection so not even the eye would be able to.
Since Bakura is still a spirit and shares his body and mind with Ryou their mental state is rather unique. Modern magic on the other hand is rater specific. So Dumbledore shouldn't get anting from them. And even if it would probably be a jumbled mess, since the spell he uses was made to access only one mind not two that are intermingled.
For Marik I thing being protected because he is the rightful owner of the eye should work. I can't think of something better since he really has a lot of mental issues.
I also think that during their magic training in Egypt they all learned to magically protect their minds, so even without those protections the only thing Dumbledore could get from somebody who trained with them would be surface thoughts like with Mana.
You serious? Ha ha ha. Manas surface thoughts are so funny. You just have to use those in your rewrite. I also think Dumbledore could be surprised that he could only see her surface thoughts. Could you let Mana join Harrys occlumency lessons? Snape could know Dumbledore read her mind. I think Harry might benefit from having a classmate and Mana needs help protecting her thoughts from him.
The mind link. I don't think all shadow mages should have access to the same one. Once there are more it won't be possible to use it anymore since it would be way to crowded. Only the holders? Marik probably wouldn't be very happy if his sister had access to his mind since she is also his guardian. Same goes for Atem. But how about if shadow mages want to have a mind ling between two or more of them they could initiate it by will? Kind of like a WhatsApp group? And you could have as many as you are able to manage mentally. For example I'm pretty sure Atem and Mana would want to have one privately just for themselves. But due to the bracers it is blocked of. Once Mana falls under their magic as well they can of course use it freely again. But all other links with someone outside, like for example one with her “sister” Kisara would be blocked. Of course the link between Yugi-Atem and Ryou-Bakura is special since it came into existence in an entirely other way. They can not only share thoughts but physical sensations too. And I don't think it could be blocked off. Well besides if they close it off themselves like Atem does when he is tortured.
I have some Ideas considering ancient sorcery which might help you figure something out. But since it is late and this review is already way to long I'll write them up another time. Preferably once I got an account. If you want to hear them.
P.S. I cant believe I actually forgot to mention Manas little charms mishap in my last review. I was laughing myself silly at the mental picture I got from Peeves riding a herd of buffelows after Draco and
| Cornflower27 chapter 17 . 2/26
I did it. I finally got myself an account. The Name isn't the best but I couldn't come up with anything else.
I've been thinking: what could it be that Rebecca is missing. Something simple no one thought about. When I was reading the part were Bakura breaks into the Headmaster office it hit me. When Dumbledore put the bracers on he said he had the only key to take them off. But if theres a key there has to be a keyhole. So as long as the key isn't magical Bakura should be able to pic the lock. On the other hand I don't think he wouldn't try to do so once he sees a lock on them. But back then they didn't know that the British wizard community doesn't know anything about muggle devices so maybe he didn't think to try? But then again would Dumbledore even use a simple non magical lock since wizards don't use muggle devices? Are locks old enough for that like feathers, ink and parchment are? Ow my head hurts!
| Guest chapter 16 . 2/19
Seto is right, they are lucky Ryous and Yugis items weren't found. It would be better if they made sure the last two items aren't taken from them as well. Maybe hide them in the shadowrealm were only them would be able to reach them. Since they will want to still use their powers in case of emergencies and Bakura won't approve of being locked away they could use some kind of spell to connect them to an other item like some piece of jewelry, the bracers, or even their wands. They could do the same with the other items if they manage to get them back.
Shouldn't Bakura at least know how to protect himself from those Asphinx? He is a tombrobber after all and his Diabound looks kind of similar. That doesn't mean he can't fear them. If you loose respect of something dangerous your as good as dead on your next try.
Typical! Wizards see something dangerous and have to exterminate it.
| Guest chapter 15 . 2/19
I don't think Draco is really evil. The blood nonsense he keeps talking about and his haughty attitude are due to his upbringing. He's all bark no bite, as seen in book 6 and 7. He loves his parents so it's no wonder he wants revenge. But I don't think he has it in him to kill. He couldn't in book 6, even though his fathers live was on the line.
I understand Mariks reaction upon seeing Bill and also Atem and Setos not wanting anyone to interfere. But does he have to go for the kill after Bill looses consciousness? I think that is taking thinks a bit to far and cause more harm than good.
Oh no, Dumbledore took their items. They really have to do something to improve their situation. Dumbledore is taking away all of their trump cards one after another.
| Guest chapter 14 . 2/19
Oh no, Isis lost her Necklace and two Medjai are dead. Even worse Bill learned about the milleniumitems. And even though he couldn't translate much he made the right conclusion. And he's going to warn Dumbledore! I'm just glad Isis managed to hide everything before Dumbledore knew about it.
| Guest chapter 13 . 2/19
I have to admit, when you first made them attend the detention I was quite worried. How on earth could they get through one of Umbridges detention unharmed. I mean Atem is almost as protective of Yugi than he is of Mana.
And then you write up this masterpiece of a plot-twist . Getting Umbrige to think she has the wrong people, thats so great. I loved it.
| Shadow Priestess Trinity chapter 1 . 2/19
First off. Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and review.
So I totally didn’t know I could respond by reviewing myself either until I tried it. But hey at least now I can talk with you :)
So I love getting reviews from you because you really make me think. I am really hoping you will be willing to read my revision also and see what you think about the changes I have made. Of course you managed to point out some plot holes I was hoping people would totally not notice lol.
So let’s start with Lucius. I think you will be happy with my change for him. I fixed it a bit and still made it viable enough that Draco will be hell-bent on revenge. At lease I think its better. I have not posted that chapter yet in the revision but it’s coming in the next few days.
For this story no matter how tempting it is to put Voldemort’s soul back together and make him sane again it is not my goal because as much as I enjoy reading those stories I am not sure I could write one myself.
I am going to have to look at Draco and the pigs prank again but I am not that far in revision.
So I really like your idea for the interrogation. I think that is awesome and highly amusing. I have not gotten that far in revision because I am rearranging the order of the story also. Plus I have a brand new chapter in the revision that doesn’t exist in this story.
I also really like your ideas concerning Ra. Finding ways to throw Dumbledore off is a challenge that’s why my interrogation scene is not spectacular.
I don’t know. I was trying to think of ways to not use the truth serum again but it would make sense for Dumbledore to try again. However in the movie (can’t remember if this happens in movie only or it’s in the book too) Dolores uses so much of it Snape says they run out. Whether that’s true or not I could use that as an excuse. If it were to happen it wouldn’t be for a bit though.
I was trying to figure that out. Would Dumbledore realize the truth charm had been removed or not? In the end I ignored that question though I suppose it would be prudent for him to check so I might have to do something about that. On the other hand he could be over confident and not bother to check. I never thought of respelling the bracers. That could be useful if Dumbles wants to try the truth serum again. It would be a good way out of that.
Thank you for the reminder that all of them are master strategists although that makes figuring out my fight between Atem and Malfoy in the last chapter even harder. Because Atem seems to be both impulsive and a genius at strategy. But he is powerful and slightly arrogant so I suppose some impulse is ok. I am struggling with balancing him out. I need to remember that in general as I write the story.
Onto Mana. :)
She is hard to write. She is bubbly, slightly ditzy not dumb but silly, totally a morning person as far as I am concerned like Hammy on caffeine. It not that she can’t stand being away from Atem. Though honestly I can’t remember what I have typed in the original at this point because I literally just revised that whole scene. It’s not out yet. It is next before the attack this time. Remember in the Egyptian arc how she and Atem (dream or sense it) of Mahad in trouble. I was trying to recreate something along those lines. Where she felt the desperate need to help. Another issue I have with her is she is super dependent on Atem in the arc. However she does finally begin to stand on her own and fight alongside him.
So trying to write that dependency yet strength is hard or at least I am struggling a bit. I will say though as a female I can’t say I feel strong if I were put up against the likes of Moody or Dumbledore. However give me a weapon and that is a totally different ball game. And Magic is her weapon.
As far as having this a planned thing. I don’t think Atem would ever allow for it. Throughout the whole series he is crazy protective of the people he and Yugi care about. I didn’t even realize how much till I went back and watched the show again. In the arc he seems to always protect her. To the point I think she says something about it. I can’t remember.
Ok so as far as ancient sorcery goes. I am having trouble differentiating it from Shadow Magick, Modern Magick, Shamanism, Druidism. Though some of those listed are considered ancient magics as well. So I think I finally differentiated mage magic enough from modern magic or least have tried. But to differentiate ancient sorcery is a whole other topic I have tried to explore but am stuck. Which makes it hard to use in the story. I want to. I just don’t know how to make it different. Is it simply other mage magics? Some other form of battle magic? I don’t know. I have no definition for it yet. That would probably be the easiest because in the revision I imply mage magics aren’t used as much.
But yes she knows how to use her powers outside of shadow magic. I think both Atem and Seto are capable of ancient sorcery based on the arc also because it does mention them studying together doesn’t it. But I agree with you Atem wouldn’t have focused on that aspect of magic as much. Seto should know more. He needs to practice it. :)
You are right about the America thing. I totally changed it. Though I still couldn’t think of a better country to pick out so I stuck with Egypt this time.
I actually changed the whole Mana scene. I promise to work on the capture scene and may use some of your suggestions. They are too amusing to not use.
Now onto the part I wish you hadn’t noticed. :) Mental Protections and Mind links. lol seriously you just had to call me out on that. :P
Ok so mental protection. Um…Atem I feel like the maze in the puzzle is a ridiculously good protection on the mind. Seto well is just Seto. I can’t imagine his mind being broken into even surface thoughts unless thoroughly weakened. And if you read the revision. Seto has as much trouble with the Dementors as the others. Atem is the only one I give a slight immunity to.
As for Ryou, Marik, and Yugi it’s hard to say. Because in a chapter that has never been published yet. Dumbledore does finally succeed mind you through torture but still…however that chapter was written so long ago it might not be valid to use anymore. I can’t say they are on par with Seto and Atem in this aspect. Especially Yugi and Ryou. While strong in their own rights. Mental magic I just don’t see it. Unless I make it a power of the items then it’s more legit. Marik too many mental issues to be strong in that field. But the eye I suppose would protect him since its power revolves around mind magic. Those three can block probes but survive full out mental attacks from Snape, Voldy, or Dumbledore. I don’t know about that. Unless I use the items as a protection. The eye makes the most sense.
Ok for Mana. I needed some way for him to realize she was with the mages or at least knew them so I figured surface thoughts would work. Besides do you know how many things go through a female’s brain and at an insanely quick rate? We jump from topic to topic with no pause whatsoever. We do not have boxes like men. It’s like 10,000 thoughts all crammed into a few seconds. It’s a constant flow. We do not have a nothing box. So her surface thoughts could easily consist of how I get out of this, what an ugly robe, seriously is he really wearing that, oo shiny, hope Atem is ok, and the others, etc…. Honestly I think women would struggle more with occlumency or some form of it than men. :)
If you have never heard of the nothing box look it up. It’s funny.
Mind link: I have been back and forth with this. Do only item holders have the link? If so what happens when the items are taken away? Should it be anyone who is linked to ancient Egypt? Because then Mokuba has it too. Not just Mana and Kisara. What about the future summoners and shadow wielders that are going to pop up all over the world. Will they have a mental link also? I will say in the unpublished original I gave the girls a mind link to the others. However that version of the story has never been published.
To be honest I ignored this issue because I can’t seem to make a decision on it. I don’t know what I want. It was easy to give the others a link because they had it in the anime. Atem/Yugi and Seto to a point with them in duelist Kingdom. I don’t know that scene forever baffles me because who uses the puzzle. Atem or Seto? The eye of Horus appears after Atem hears Seto calling out to Yugi. And then of course Ryou and Bakura have one together so making those 5 have a link was easy. Including Marik probably is a stretch. I still don’t know what I want. Even in the revision it’s not clear.
Ok this is a really long response. Hope you actually see this. And if you make an account please let me know what it is so I don’t have to review my own story. It’s a bit odd you know. :P
| Guest chapter 12 . 2/18
DADA was gold. Who would have thought Ryou had a mischievous side?
And Malfoy is a snitch. Well would be if he actually knew it was them, he just wants revenge. And Umbridge proves again what a bad teacher she is. Jumping at the first person mentioned without the slightest proof
| Guest chapter 11 . 2/18
You know what would be funny? Moody and Dumbledore asking Atem how Mokuba could have known that their fake Kaiba was an imposer. And Atem (Bakura) answering that Mokuba tends to lock Kaiba out of the system and stick security onto him when he gets really annoyed with him. And the employees enjoy going after their boss because it's the only time they can without repercussions. Then he disappears to somewhere only his brother can find him and waits for him to show up. Seto never came for him so he must have noticed that something was wrong since it isn't the first time someone tried to impersonate him and went somewhere save. (The impersonation part is actually true. See duelist kingdom). I'm sure Seto's going to be annoyed with him for saying that :) Plus they can stop Dumbledore from suspecting they found a way to contact anyone.
Since Atem regrets summoning Ra he could also tell them that Ra is only to be summoned at absolute emergencies since:
1. he can not really be controlled (hes a God after all, but I doubt he's going to tell them that. And Atem is an exception anyway) he helps his summoner and disappears once he sees fit.
2. He won't appear if he doesn't approve of the reason for being summoned or thinks the mage isn't worthy to summon him (actually true see Battle City) and the one attempting will face his wrath for trying.
3. If it works the mage will be drained to such an extend that he can't use his powers for at least several days, timespan depending on the mages strength and the amount of time Ra was summoned.
But if it works his power will be your power making your magic almost unlimited as long as Ra stays on the field(that way they can trow Dumbledore of about the unusual amount of power he felt coming from Atem after he summoned Ra).
There's is no way to tell if Dumbledore isn't going to pull that stunt again. And the method they used to trick him is only going to work for Atem. Shouldn't they think of some way to stop a repeat after the interrogation. Funny thing is: the easiest way to do so would be respelling their bracers with that truth charm Dumbledore used to stop them from telling everyone the truth. They just have to make it so they can't tell Dumbledore and anyone loyal to him the truth about shadowmagic, mages and their families. This would also help them find out who they can trust and who not. Or at least stop themselves from telling the wrong people. I also wouldn't put it past Dumbledore to check if the charm is still effective. That way he would find it still in place and working. (Though not in his favor :) ).
They are five master strategists after all. It would be strange if they couldn't find a way to at least improve their situation. And turning your enemies weapons against him is one of the most effective strategies out there.
Mana is hyperactive not stupid. In fact she is highly intelligent. I can't imagine her doing that simply because she doesn't want to be away from Atem anymore. I mean the chance she gets caught are pretty high. I like her getting there but wouldn't it be better if that was planed? Like her being some kind of secret weapon/spy or something? After all she's not only a shadowmage but also a full fledged sorcerer(-trainee?).(And the strongest one they have since Mahad is still sealed). And she knows how to use her power since she didn't lose her memory due to rebirth, like Seto did. (As I understand it the magic (ancient sorcery?) Mahad and Mana use, except their shadow magic, existed in Egypt before the creation of the Milleniumitems which brought shadowmagic into the world. As heir to the throne shadowmagic was more important to learn for Atem so he only got to know the utmost basics which he practiced with Mana during the beginning of both their education. Seto got to learn more since he had a different upbringing.)
Or she could get a urgent feeling that she just has to go there and the others let her because they know it is the will of some kind of higher power?
It's also highly dangerous to tell Moody that she's from New York since the others are indeed hiding in America. Australia like Atem said would be to suspicious since Moody didn't believe him anyway. … Maybe India, some people are quite tan there.
I also think that Mana, even though she doesn't know modern magic; should at least know they used wands. And she does have one (In the memory arc she uses one to train at the riverside. My theory is that ancient sorcery is cast wandless but a wand helps focusing magical energy which is why it is used as a means of training new spells by apprentice sorcerers). Due to it's strange form and coloring it is of course useless for modern magic so Dumbledore thinks it is a really bad attempt of imitation(It doesn't have a core either since mans doesn't need to amplify her power, just help focusing it. So he can't sense magical energy from it either. Otherwise he might take it away.)
Wait, why can he read Manas thoughts? The other mages have such strong mental protection that he can't get anything from them. And even if they have to put it up consciously I doubt Mana wouldn't do so in the presence of an obvious enemy.
I also just noticed that only Atem, Yugi, Marik, Bakura/Ryou and Seto share a mindlink? They aren't the only shadowmages, neither the only itemholders. Are the bracers cutting them of from the others like they interfere with Shadis ability of finding them?
Ha ha! No one catches super-hyperactive, extremely-agile Mana. Poor men, caught like deer in the headlights! I absolutely love that scene. To bad the chase is so short.
It also seems a bit easy to just catch Mana with a stunner. I mean she is a magican. She can protect herself and use it to escape easier. Or hinder them. Something ridiculous would be nice like tripping them up someway, stuffing the hallway with something that doesn't belong there at all for example a mountain of stuffed animals or duelmonsterplushys or an giant jello. Maybe even accidentally turning them colors (she's still an apprentice after all). I don't think catching Mana would be easy. But Hogwarts is big and Mana has never been there and bad luck exists. A stairway turning away or a random door opening right in front of her, there are multiple ways why she could suddenly be cornered. Her pursuer definitely have a home advantage she doesn't.
| Guest chapter 10 . 2/18
Oh wow! I just checked if my you actually got my reviews since I had problems in the past and saw you actually posted an answer to me! I didn't even know it was possible to post something in your own reviews.
I'm thinking about making a profile right know. Never really needed one since I am not one to review regularly if I don't have something to say. I just don't know what name I could use.
I'm actually re-reading this story right now. Read it last week and it's so enthralling I can barely stop thinking about it. So you really deserve to get your story reviewed.
I'm almost finisher with the review for chapter 11. Thats going to be one monster review since there is so much thats happening in that chapter. If you get any inspiration from my reviews feel free to use and change around as much as you like :) . You don't have to of course.
By the way, if you can speak German I can recommend Schattenmagier 12. There are some really funny Snape scenes and the story is great (if you can ignore some of the yaoi scenes but there are always warnings.) No evil Dumbels though.
| Shadow Priestess Trinity chapter 12 . 2/16
To Guest Reviewer: I dont know if you will see this but I hope so since I have no way to respond to you.
You are right Atem and Seto's reign would have been somewhere within 1390s-1320s bc and the events of the mummy movie was in 1290bc. The book of the dead according to the mummy wikki was made in like 3000 bc so it does exist during their reign so would affect them. So in my republished story under same title I kind of fixed that issue. I made changes to the ritual and what was needed of Atem and Seto. As far as extracting shadow magick from the mages I am sticking with the book of the dead spells would not work on them because shadow magick did not exist when book of dead was created. The millennium spell book may have existed but it was not translated until Aknadin.
As far as Lucius is concerned. I am working on that chapter right now with the revision story and I do not know what I am going to do yet. I am still leaning towards killing him off but it is not decided yet.
| Guest chapter 10 . 2/16
I don't get that. Atem is one of very few Pharaohs to ever wield shadow magic. The spells in the Book of the Dead are usable on all Pharaohs. So that would mean that every Pharaoh, Atem included, has a special power only a Pharaoh has which has to be independent of shadowmagic. And this Power can be extracted with that ritual. They aren't trying to get his shadowmagic (which can only be gained by two other methods) but a different power. So why should this ritual to gain immortality not work on Atem?
Darco is a bit OOC in this chapter. He and his goons sound more like a bunch of Bullies than the Slytherins they are. Normally he's a lot more arrogant and haughty.
I love your revenge with the Pigs but why did Marik cast a shield over their victims cauldrons?
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/15
Killing Lucius just feels...I don't know… strange… somehow. Don't really know why it bothers me, just that it does.
Couldn't you just send his soul to the shadow-realm instead? Besides it would give Atem something to rant about once he is back with the others since being sent to the shadow-realm doesn't equal death. Which means that theres at least a chance the horcruxes won't take effect.
He could think that since he doesn't really know anything about Voldemort, besides everyone telling him that he's evil (which most of them say about him and his magic as well). Because of that it could be undone should Voldemort's evil proof to be a misunderstanding of some kind, like themselves. Not that Dumbledore needs to know that, so he would let them go.
And Dumbledore could just stop the bolt anyway since he doesn't know that the attack won't be deadly. Not that Atem needs to tell him that it wasn't.
| Black Shadow Night chapter 16 . 2/4
Question. Why didn't Harry use parseltongue? I mean it is a type of snake right? So it should at least know a variation of Parsletongue. If anything he should have at least talked to them even if he kept his distance. Though I still like your story so far and your chapter.