|Reviews for Big Time Afraid|
| teacupz chapter 1 . 7/2/2011
this is a very fluffy oneshot. X3 it has a nice plot and the connection between the characters are nicely built. and the idea about Logan having fear of getting on a roller-coaster is just creative. well, if the series explains that one of them is afraid of roller-coaster, I believe that the first person that will come into my mind is actually Logan. :) and, lol, right, the irony...
so, erm, this is a great theme you have; and thanks for turning that theme into this light, tender, and well-written story. ;)
well, I'm used to start with some subjective opinions that are plainly mindless -crunched-, so I hope it won't be that much annoying -although it's very doubted that anything comes from me won't be annoying _;- and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. :D
erm, firstly, about two dialogues which are connected by description that is placed between them... erm, after reading some references -my english textbook, some sites, and my brother's dictionary; well, mostly my brother's dictionary... I don't know why it's easier for me to trust things that are written in dictionaries, lol-, I finally know that in sentences with that kind of format, the first character in the second dialogue should be written in its non-capital form -except for names and other things that should always be written in capital-. erm, I'm sorry if that's not clear... ;_; and I'm afraid it is, so I'll try to give more details in an example...
okay, this line: "Logan," Camille tried again, "Just once. Look, Splash Mountain isn't even that big!" / because the first dialogue is ended with a comma and so is the description, I feel an indication that the whole line is connected. and if my references are true, I think it'll be more correct if you write 'Just' as 'just'. :) in this story, there are more sentences with the same case. I think I can list them up if you want to; but, since there are quite a lot of them, if you agree with me and ever decide to do some editing, I guess it'll be better if you just look at most of the dialogues. but, if you want me to list them, well... like I said earlier, I think I'm able to do that. :)
- He'd just been born with the natural fear toward the big, scary, tilted, or loopy rides. / erm, this is very subjective, actually. XD well... erm, for some reasons that I'm not even sure of, I feel that the sentence is more suitable if it's written without the second 'the'. maybe it's because you used 'or', or maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just something else, or maybe... -stomped- erm, sorry... shortly, it just feels a little odd for me. _;
- Camille asked, raising her eyebrows, / perhaps this line contains a typo since you used comma to close the sentence. heh. I think the more proper punctuation that can be used is a full-stop, which I believe you already know. that's why I'm pretty much convinced that this is just a typo. :)
- "Dude," He slapped Logan's head, "You've finally lost it." / erm, probably about 'He', which I think is better if written in lower case -'he'- since the dialogue "Dude" is closed with a comma... feel free to correct...? and I also wonder if the whole sentence is supposed to be written in its own line. heh. _;
- "So? That's worse that this roller coaster! At least on that, you won't be chased after by some guy in a helmet with a stick in his hand!" / erm, is 'that' -the one that's written after 'worse'- is a typo from 'than'? if it isn't, then I'm sorry... ;_; if it is, well... erm... I dunno. just telling? :D -slapped- anyway, I giggled when Camille described about 'some guy in a helmet'; probably because when I read that part, I actually imagined Carlos! now... Carlos can't be that mad to Logan -his friend- that he'd chase him with a hockey stick, can he? XD -got knocked by a stick-
- "Did you know that .53 percent of people don't survive roller coasters?" / erm, if I may ask, what's the role of the full-stop that's written before 'fifty-three'? _; I'm sorry, but I'm not entirely sure about its function. hmm...
- We can even go in the Haunted Mansion if you want to. / maybe, the word 'into' will fit the sentence more than the word 'in'. erm, that's what I think... sorry if I'm wrong...
- Kendall smacked the back of the boys head and he quieted down. / I wonder if the word 'boys' is missing an apostrophe. :D that's because I think what you're trying to explain is that [Kendall smacked the back of Carlos' head], so... erm, maybe what you meant is [boy's]? ...sorry!
so, I think that's about it... and now... more ramblings? -stomped-
I like this story! 8D and the first thing that I would love to compliment is the summary. you took a little part of the story and the way you arranged the summary is just... so interesting, makes me wanna read the story in the first place. if I remember it right, the summary actually already makes me smile. probably because Logan's panic expression just appeared in my mind. haha. and the story; yes, it makes me smile even more. ;)
then, I can imagine the characters' voice and gestures, especially Logan's -well, for the gestures, to be more exact-. it's like... his hands moving, he's panicking, so many things happening; all cause of his fear of roller-coasters. there's like no sign of him calming down during the beginning of the story; and it makes him IC cause I think he also becomes panic easily under certain circumstances in the series. great job on the characterization! XD and by characterization, I don't only mean Logan, but also the rest of the characters. they're all pretty much IC, in my opinion. :) their tone, the things they say, the italized words that somehow give certain effects... and the fact that there are so many characters in this story and you're able to write them all in character... 8D garsh, that's amazing!
I mean... yeah, everyone sounds like themselves. Carlos saying 'whoa' several times is somehow new for me, but I think it fits him alright. :) and... I kinda forgot who Stephanie is, though... erm, is she the girl that danced with Carlos in the school dance episode? garsh, I really should pay more attention with the show. XD
and Carlos is afraid of ghosts, just IC. X3 well, I haven't watched 'Big Time Terror', but I sure heard from my brother who watched it that Carlos is afraid of ghosts in that episode. heheh. and I believe there are more stuffs that have relations with the canon, for example: about Logan not afraid of taking risks -just like a type of product which name I can't remember XP- or him coming up with statistics. those sure are fun!
I like it when Kelly stated her name to mark her importance. it kinda tickles me. XD and when Griffin talked... well, his tone is dry -not sure if that's the right word- in my mind, just like the one he used in the series. honestly, when he said ["I heard it's supposed to be a big thrill!"], in my mind, the ride didn't seem as fun as the others state or as creepy as Logan says. I wonder why... _; and the Jeniffers' words are mean as usual. and they trick the boys to ask them come, too! lol. ...so, erm, I guess this is another great job on characterization...? heh.
and the guy that works in the theme park sure is creepy. _; the things he said would totally creep me if I'm in Logan's position. haha. no wonder Logan backed up a bit...
then comes the nice ending. I like James' line about Logan still having fears of the ride. and either Logan is really predictable or Kendall who's really good at predicting people. :P and the kiss sure seems to have its own effect, hmm? I mean, the way Logan talks really sounded more confident -I don't know if it's OOC or not, but I'm gonna go with not- after Camille kissed him. the magic of Camille's kiss, I guess. XD
the other part that makes me smile is when Jo and Stephanie start to encourage Logan to say 'yes' and the scenes after. those scenes are just... well, so sweet and show the friendship between all of the characters. plus Logan's final line. ;3 I love it; pretty creative.
and for a moment, I have random thoughts that the next surprise that Logan would get is a slap. XD -slapped-
about the fact that this is supposed to be a KendallxJo fic... well, I dunno. there are not much hint of KendallxJo here, but the theme sure seems flexible. so, erm... I don't really know; sorry... _;
anyway, nice spot on LoganxCamille. how Camille encourages him to face his fear and all and how she rewards the risk he takes... I think it's sweet. the whole fic is sweet! X3
lastly, thank you for such a fluffy story. I really enjoyed it. :) and good luck on your future stories! and thank you again for making me smile a lot of times with the story. and I hope this review doesn't bother you. heheh. _; haaah... now I can't wait to watch Big Time Rush on TV~ X)
| imadisneygirl chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
wow, this was really good, congratz (:
| LilHoodrat chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
nawwwwww poor logan :)) thus was so adorable 3 loved it
| imwiththeband97 chapter 1 . 11/28/2010
i live an hour away from the orlando disneyworld, and there's a splash mountin there. florida has everything califonia has! we even have a hollywood, florida!
| Mizmal BTR Fan chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
I loved it! Did you just make up the fact that .53% of people don't make it on roller coasters? Because about 1/200 people sounds like kind of a lot, considering how many people ride roller coasters everyday. Lol.
| prettypinklips chapter 1 . 9/15/2010
Camille and Logan for the win!
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/25/2010
*squeals* They kissed! lol, you can tell that I loved the story. Hope you keep writing some more amazing ones, keep up the good work!
| Starbucks3894 chapter 1 . 8/23/2010
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! ...I think that pretty much covered it. :)
| ME LOVEY JAZZY chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Not gonna lie...that was FREAKING ADORABLE! Great job!
| hudmelsonberry chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
That's exactly what I was thinking when I read this (that Logan Henderson is an adrenaline junkie, that is). I mean, in 7 Secrets he was going to do a handstand on a railing lol. But that just made it even funnier. And I think your characterization was really good - for your first BTR story, that is.
I also LOVED the end. Amazing.
Okay, I'm done babbling now ha ha
| The Sushi Monster chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
Aww, this adorable and simple and well-written. Please do write some more! I need more fluff and humor and friendship in this fandom. (:
| selenicsoulmates chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
One word: win. I could totally see this happening. Perfectly in character. Great job!
| LiliesInMoonlight chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
i LOVE logan ... hes soooooo cute .. just as your story
| unnaturalstories chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
that was so funny i couldn't stop laughing. i really liked it
| We Love Trevor And Kayla chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
this was really good i love it