|Reviews for The Rise of the Fallen Ones|
| Sturm and Drang chapter 33 . 5/24
And so you return like you never left.
Your beta may have taken a long time on this, but results are results. I didn't notice a single grammatical error or words out of order throughout the entire chapter, very nice.
As for the content. I enjoyed it quite a bit, you do a good job juggling back and forth from each characters perspective. The plot was good, I was able to predict that decision was the one kidnapping seles, I can almost picture them becoming friends:
"Hello Decus, am I being kidnapped again?"
"Let me just pack my things"
It's pretty funny, as ling as you don't take it seriously.
however I did NOT foresee that Alice had agreed to be taken to the pope. Having her say "this isn't what we agreed" was very misleading, so very well done.
The other characters interacting was also entertaining market an The other characters interacting was also entertaining Marta's freak out, emil's fear. Richter's moodiness. Presea's shutdown after getting drenched. All very nice touches.
This is definitely one of the most well constructed chapters I've seen you put out. Taking months on something does have benefits.
I don't have any questions I need answered, I'll just wait until the next one comes out, looking forward to it.
Let's see... That just leaves the stupid/awesome idea I can come up with...
Alice and Decus: Demon hunters.
When things go bump in the night, alice murders it.
A bit cliche, but it's all I got for now.
| Regias chapter 33 . 5/23
10 / 10 was worth the wait, but now i want more QwQ
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/15
Just enter here and read these news... what a good day ;D waiting for the new chapter
| Guest chapter 32 . 2/18
Este fanfic es lo único q me animo después de ver morir a alice y decus en el juego... por favor continuadlo hasta el final! no lo dejes inconcluso... aunque acabo de llegar a este fanfic que empezó hace 10 años me e leido los 32 cap en 3 dias... asi que te pido que lo continúes al menos 30 cap mas! a ver si en el 2020 lo terminas :D
| Keko-the-Hybrid chapter 7 . 8/19/2015
It's been an interesting read so far! I'm by no means a huge fan of the second game in the series, but I always did think Alice and Decus deserved more character development than what we got from the game. I want to refrain from too much con-crit at this stage since I'm aware I'm only seven chapters in, but there are two things I can't help but to notice.
The first being that (at least at the moment) this story feels very dialogue heavy. Don't get me wrong, dialogue is important, but I'd like a chance to see more to do with the actual world. The chapters where you even it out are far more immersive in my opinion. A large part of the dialogue also seems to be mostly for filler rather than story. With that said, I am still getting into it and some things may be more important than they seem.
The other thing is that I'm aware you started writing this in 2010. As someone reading from the start, I find your authors notes at the beginning and end of each chapter to be rather distracting at times. I'll just be getting into the story and be hit by yet another request for reviews etc and get drawn out of the moment. I feel your pain in wanting reviews, believe me, but perhaps you could go back through your earlier chapters and take some of the authors notes out, just for the sake of the people who are reading it now?
Anyway, I'll be interested to see how your writing has changed over the years as I continue. I look forward to reading more. :-)
| Sturm and Drang chapter 32 . 8/11/2015
Hey , nice to see your work again... now, lets get down to business, I'm actually doing an in-depth review here:
I could tell that the this was un Betaed, there were quite a few rough spots. There were quite a few places that were off, there were places were I think you used the wrong word: for example you used 'concussion' when I think you meant 'conclusion'. or you used 'she' instead of 'he' and vice-versa.
Other times it was just the organization of the sentence that felt off: 'did you notice what time is it?' would sound better if it was "did you notice what time it is?" it's a minor change but it does flow better.
As for the writing itself, sometimes you include unnecessary details that felt kind of awkward to me. like in the first paragraph:
"Everyone on the cabin looked at Decus shocked. A few second later he had punched Richter and knocked him out. No one had seen it coming and much less richter who now lied on the floor unconscious on the floor."
My problem with this is mostly the third sentence: you didn't need to state that 'no one had seen it coming' because you already said they were shocked in the first sentence. You also said that Richter was laying on the floor unconscious. But you had already said that he was knocked out in the second sentence and you don't need to mention he's on the floor because he really wouldn't be anywhere else.
(Being overly wordy is a pet peeve of mine.)
But that's enough on grammar and whatnot, on to the content itself. It wasn't a very exciting chapter, but that's fine, our dynamic duo can't always be join around on a summon spirit murdering spree, awesome though those may be. I still enjoyed it well enough, the part were Decus hit Llyod with the door was funny. (I'm always a sucker for well placed slapstick.)
That about sums up what I have to say, if you want to talk about it in more detail, feel free to PM me.
| Rainbowkittyblossomwings chapter 32 . 8/11/2015
Ohhh, I love Zelos in this chapter.
And there's always the constant Sheelos and Decus/Alice. Nice.
| Rainbowkittyblossomwings chapter 31 . 5/17/2015
I love this fic so much.
I'm really hoping that by the end Alice and Decus's have their happy ending, and that Decus has a lot more development (Like you've been having throughout this story) and just him kind of...getting into a healthier relationship with Alice.
I would also appreciate the Zelos and Sheena getting resolved, by the end, but I trust that will happen.
I'll continue reading this amazing fic!
Also, I'm wondering what Efreet meant by Decus's being a half-blood? I'm super excited to find out!
| Rainbowkittyblossomwings chapter 18 . 5/17/2015
OMG. Zelos and Decus's fight was amazing. The not in the face rule.
This fic is so amazing and in character and beautiful. Thank you for it.
| Rainbowkittyblossomwings chapter 16 . 5/17/2015
I'm really liking the colette/Decus brotp in this story. I hope they bond a lot more, but I know that that is very unlikely since Decus can't betray any of Alice's wishes.
| Draconic chapter 31 . 4/15/2015
Don't worry about not being nice to Richter. He isn't a nice guy, whether or not he sometimes does good things. I'm actually kind of excited to see what sort of mean things you're going to have Alive cook up for him. And the best part is that he's extremely tough, so he can take a LOT of punishment, physical and psychological.
I'm not a fan of Alice's cruelty, but just this once, let's see her mess this guy up!
| DAve and Bob chapter 31 . 4/6/2015
I wouldn't worry about edits at the moment. Sometimes you just have to get it out. Decus woke up, that was to be expected. A decent amount happened this chapter, but it's very much a set up chapter for what's to come.
| Sturm and Drang chapter 31 . 4/4/2015
Not bad, it's good to see your work again.
The chapter was quite good. It was interesting to see exactly why Alive hates Marta so much.
I'm interested to see what happens next, I don't think this group of people can stay around each other for very long without them all exploding at each other.
The writing was good with only a couple of mistakes. Very well done.
| DAve and Bob chapter 30 . 2/24/2015
Such a long chapter...so long. Anyway, to actually get started, a lot of feelings and different things are brought up. Which make sense since the previous chapter was pretty much a giant action scene. So a slower chapter showing how each character think about the situation and showing Alice''s kinder side towards Decus might have been needed
| Draconic chapter 30 . 11/22/2014
I don't think anything with the word 'holy' is allowed to be a demon's mystic arte. Or any arte at all in fact. Demons are unholy by definition after all. And you forgot to move Alice to the couch in the second scene with her. I can fix that if you want. And I'll be sure to show the change that I make this time. And every time after this.
Anyway, great work on this chapter as usual. I had a lot of fun editing it and being allowed to examine Nidhogg's personality and even define it to a lesser extent. It was a privilege. Anyway, I'm excited for the next chapter.
Until next time, this is Draconic signing out.
…okay, that sounded better in my head than on the page.