|Reviews for PotM: Prodigy's Honeymoon|
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/1/2012
You may be interested in the following link:
This petition is a bit over halfway to the thousand signatures needed. Don't know if it'll have the desired effect or not, but it's got to be worth a try...
| Tomahawk 3.0 chapter 10 . 6/11/2012
sign me up
| Toby860 chapter 9 . 7/30/2011
you should do a few years later segment. With theo and negi fully comitted to the relationship. a pissed off asuna. an theo's father accepting negi
| Twilight Kyu chapter 9 . 5/17/2011
Nice epilogue for this fic.
Overall, this is a nice story as it kept me interested until the end. The best scene so far is Chachamaru vs. Starscream. That is one of the best fights I've ever seen.
Now that this fic is done, I'm looking forward to the main story, Power of The Mind.
| dragoon109 chapter 9 . 5/16/2011
other than the fact i dont agree with humans being warlike i do find your story to be fun. i dont like or hate violence, i respect it. so i belive that since humans are born the weakest of races humans HAVE to be selfish to survive. but that dosent mean we are self destructive.
| InTheYearOfTheCat chapter 9 . 5/10/2011
Good work, now you can go back to writing Mahora is not a safe place.
| Twilight Kyu chapter 8 . 5/4/2011
You have no idea how awesome this chapter is, I was right on the edge of my seat.
Seriously, the fight between Chachamaru and Starscream is one of the best fights in your fics, it's EPIC.
Hope you can update this chapter soon.
Keep it up!
| Tomahawk 3.0 chapter 5 . 2/22/2011
I like it so far. Very nice work. Good dialogue, pretty good grammar and spelling. Just wish one of the girls would get Negi already; So far, it's just one big ecchi, not rated M material. But overall, good. XD
| Chaos Productions chapter 4 . 2/5/2011
Hrm... I could've sworn I had posted this last week... As well as my review for 5. Site must've eaten them... Apologies.
Ahem. Anyhow, onwards we go. Of all the chapters of this story so far, this one has drawn the most grins and smirks from my normally stoic mouth so far - a sure sign of improvement on your end. It's clear that you practice what I preach to you in my reviews, as each chapter, I find myself in an abundance of words to praise your successes, and less words to use in criticism, as I gradually lose a lot of elements for me to critique upon. Instead of feeling irked, however, I do feel a slight sense of admiration, instead. You're showcasing amazing feats of improvement - even greater than I did. I do applaud you on that, sir.
Now, you know the drill. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Let's go...
The Good: Negima has always showcased a very 'special' brand of humor, that very tricky blend of eye-widening fan-service, hilarious reactions and dialogue so unique that it could easily turn on the waterworks whilst the readers are rolling on the floor, emptying their lungs in sporadic barks and heaves. You expressed concern at whether you succeeded in keeping to this formula, and I am am here to joyously tell you that you have. As I said, this has even me grinning - and I'm a critic, so that says a lot.
Another Good thing I found properly profound in this chapter is how easily the majority - with emphasis on MAJORITY - of the scenes come to you. Every scene you typed, while remaining a part of this filler chapter, had an air of significance about it, as if each word you typed mattered a great deal to you. It's evident that this chapter could be considered a milestone set by you, as evidence of your greatest efforts are visible between paragraph and sentence alike. The flow from one sentence to the next, from one paragraph to the other, seems to be the most natural occurrence in your story so far, writing-wise. That takes quite the amount of skill to pull off.
And lastly, your characterization. Sir, believe me when I say that I actually had to read this chapter twice, once for the enjoyment of seeing someone keeping the characters as they were instead of turning them into sex-crazed lunatics, and a second time around to focus on the critique I had to bestow - and even then, I found NO error with the characters, something which is somewhat of a rarity in this section, judging by the 'other' M-Rated stories. I doubt I actually NEED to tell you how Good this was... no?
The Bad: Firstly, your vocabulary use, or more importantly, your knowledge of actual English terms. There were certain moments in the story that were... "Facepalm" worthy, at times. Much like the following (I DO hope you remember how blunt I am):
"...as he was metaphorically dragged into the great bathroom..."
...Someone being 'metaphorically' dragged makes absolutely no sense. I wonder whether you actually meant "literally" or "proverbially", but, if only for future reference: A metaphor is a figure of speech that constructs an analogy between two things or ideas; the analogy is conveyed by the use of a metaphorical word in place of some other word. For example: "Her eyes were glistening jewels". Basically, it's a Comparison, but without the word "like". Something like "The smoke's hazy EMBRACE" or "Pools of sparkling emerald (when referring to eye colour)".
You also seem to have trouble with splitting infinitives. It's not necessarily a huge error, but it does hamper reading somewhat. Infinitive verbs are verbs that cannot stand on their own. "Working" is a finite verb, because it can pose as a susceptible answer. But a word like "dragged" cannot - thus it needs to be preceded by another word like "to" or "to be" or "was". The problem, however, comes with splitting the "was" and "dragged" - this counts as an error, and could get you penalized in an actual piece of work. If I may offer an example of a better way to put it:
"Oh, crap... Negi thought to himself as the girls metaphorically dragged him into the great bathroom."
...See? The split infinitive is gone, and the sentence itself is now easier to read and comprehend. Note, I am NOT slashing you for this - simply posting a suggestion for even more improvement.
The Ugly: Only one this time around, and it's not even something I can flame you on, seeing as I, too, suffer from it... Remember when I commented on the majority of your scenes seeming natural? Well, there's a minority that, unfortunately, does not. It seems as if that last argument between Theo and Ayaka took quite a lot out of you - because the scenes that followed, even the one with Chachamaru (which, even for a scene break, had VERY little meat on its bones, when it could have been so much more) seemed, to be frank, dull and lifeless. It was as if you actually stopped any creativity and inhibition during those last scenes. The dialogue feels rushed, hollow and only there to be random pathway to the chapter conclusion, and the actual interaction does seem to be there only as a "For-the-Hell-of-it" little piece of setwork written when creativity was all but dead.
I am not one to judge - I do it too. I only voice my opinion. If I may offer you some advice to prevent this: Piece of paper, pen, calm surroundings, maybe some music you happen to like (if it's not too energetic). Those combined should help get those creative juices flowing again.
Style of Writing: 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8
Overall Rating: 8.75
Final verdict: Quite possibly one of your greatest achievements so far, in my humble opinion. The chapter itself was humorous and enjoyable, albeit a bit marred by small idiosyncrasies, your writing style is nearing perfect, the characters are expertly portrayed and the pacing is - mostly - very smooth and steady. Very well done, sir.
Now, it is time for me to take my leave (and make use of my spiffy new footer). So, until next time, farewell and godspeed with your chapters, good sir.
~Order of the Concritters~
| Twilight Kyu chapter 6 . 1/11/2011
That was a scary cliffhanger especially when Starscream's shadow appears above Theo.
I have to say, the chapter's good until the end. I like it so far. I just hope that Theodora's going to be okay in the next chapter.
Keep it up!
| Galerians chapter 5 . 1/11/2011
Wow, it just keeps getting better! I like it!
| InTheYearOfTheCat chapter 6 . 1/10/2011
I am sad that you will not change Argenta back into a pure little girl. Also, good chapter. I wonder what will happen to Theodora. And what she purchased... Also, when do you plan on updating Mahora is not a safe place, it's pretty interesting. Perhaps you could write a Mana chapter.
| Twilight Kyu chapter 5 . 12/23/2010
Great chapter as always.
Although I'm kinda confuse with Argenta's character in this chapter. Despite that, I find this chapter entertaining.
Keep it up!
| InTheYearOfTheCat chapter 5 . 12/22/2010
In the previous chapter when Argenta was forced to give take care of him she was all inexperienced and said she never did such a thing before. Now in this chapter you turned her into a raging whore. Make up your mind if she is a whore or an innocent girl.
| Tomahawk 3.0 chapter 4 . 11/15/2010
Now this was hot. excellent job. Best chapter yet.