|Reviews for Broken Veronica|
| Riley-the-Sadist848 chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
Really emotional story. Brings tears to my eyes :'(
As always though, absolutely superb.
| holly chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
This is an interesting idea and I'm really enjoying it so far.
I do want to give you a bit of constructive grammar criticism, though, if you don't mind. I've noticed it in all your stories and it doesn't seem like anyone has ever mentioned it, so I figure I might as well. Here's a sentence from your most recent chapter:
"Back Up hearing someone coming raises his head."
The main sentence here is "Back Up raises his head." The phrase "hearing someone coming" is basically a modifier, thus, you need commas around it:
"Back Up, hearing someone coming, raises his head."
This makes it much easier to read and understand. Here are a couple other examples from this chapter, with commas added:
"Wallace, sitting in his mother's car watching, breathes a sigh of relief."
[Here's one with the phrase at the beginning of the sentence-you need a comma after the introductory modifying phrase.]"Totally stunned, Logan says a little wondrously, "I'm so glad I met your dad.""
Anyway, editing is what I do for a living, so I just wanted to help you make your writing even better. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
| starcrazed chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
If your goal was to have me sobbing...mission accomplished! Wow, poor Veronica. I'm glad Logan was able to get her to let out some of that pain, he even got her to smile a little. I always love it when Back Up adores Logan :) I'm glad Veronica and her dad already knew about the paternity thing. Wonder what Logan has to say to DK? Can't wait for more :)
| epic sweetness712 chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
please update soon, i love this story, its completely sad but i just really want to know what happens next. very good with end of the chapter, you wrote really beautifully. good job!
| Dani chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
This was heartbreaking. I'm glad Logan could help a little and got Veronica to open up.
| p2880 chapter 3 . 8/14/2010
This is one of the best chapters you've ever written. I'm in tears. Thank you so much for your superb writing!
| LoVefan4ever chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Poor Veronica! You described her pain so well. I love that Logan is trying to be kind and that her friends recognize it. I can't wait to see what happens between them.
Update soon, please : )
| Ash Kay chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
I usually don't like stories where Keith dies, I almost stopped reading but I am glad I didn't. I was actually tearing up though while reading this. I like the different aspects of the story line, and I can't wait to see them develop. Update soon you have a great beginning.
| Ali-Cat chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Oh my. I think you should have put an angst warning on this- I've been bawling my eyes out! This is such a heartbreaking story. I hope Jake gets his comeuppance (public and humiliating- possibly involving physical pain as well) for putting V through all that. The man has no compassion at all! I can't wait for the next part (even if it's another tear fest!)
| Dani chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Thank you for a quick update! It's heartbreaking to read about Veronica being completely down and broken, but I'm sure Logan will be able to bring some light back into her eyes (you already mentioned a little spark there during their first encounter).
| Nichole chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Loved it! Glad that lLogan is helping her. Looking forward to the talk! Update soon please.
| starcrazed chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Seeing how broken Veronica is breaks my heart. And Jake Kane is such a butthead. I'm glad Duncan tried to stop him. I love how concerned Logan is and how protective Wallace is. Loved seeing Logan draw Veronica out a bit...I can't wait to see more interacting at the beach :)
| epic sweetness712 chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
i like this story, the first parts made me a little teary, but i didn't stop reading it, keep going on with like the change of the story. update soon!
| maipigen chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
This chapter was heartbreaking for me to read. Mostly because I hate broken Veronica...really, remember my "Accident" story, I think I had my fill of that kind of V back then hehe. Nah, just kidding, the mix between angst and hope is nicely done.
I didn't care for Jake being the biological parent, but that's mostly because I hate his rich ass - and let's be honest the way he found out and went public with it was very stupid of him, Sad to see that the Neptunian press can't see that he's merely trying to gain favor now that the world knows what a douche he was to Keith and Veronica. I hope he's not gonna try to make her change her name, i think that Veronica will go Lucky on his ass then.
Loved the banter in the hallway and how Logan coached out some semblance of the old Veronica just by treating her normally. Well done. Anyone who's been through a fraction of what V's been through knows that all the well behaved (faked) care in the world doesn't matter.
Well, I tend to ramble when I tired so I'll just go now.
Update soon of course!
| p2880 chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
Intriguing chapter. You did a good job with developing a plausible scenario. It's hard to remember that although Logan's harsh actions the year after Lily's death are fresh, none of the other blows between Logan and Veronica happened leaving their relationship is less fraught.
Jake is really a jerk.