|Reviews for Betwixt|
| Qwinn chapter 1 . 4/13/2011
I liked it, and I love the pairing. I only have one question, what happened to Remus? There was those letters in the beginging but then he just disapeared? Anyway, it was a fun read and I'll look forward to read more of your stuff.
| rebecca85 chapter 6 . 2/27/2011
Okay, so you asked. I did like this story, with Jasper being Harry's distant cousing and all that. Very plausible. And although it was sometimes confusing, it was actually nice that some things didn't end up anywhere. Like Harry's training was ultimately not necessary, from the war-point, at least.
But there were almost equal amounts of things that bugged me. And I normally just shut up about these, but like I said: you asked.
Most notably I got irritated by the word 'mate' in this. Imprints are not mates. And, well, a lot of the stuff with the werewolves were incorrect but it seems like you haven't read the fourth book, so I guess that's why. Also, Bella and Edward are MADE for each others. Again, if you read the books carefully, and also go download the first part of Midnight Sun from Stephenie Meyer's homepage, you will see that. I'm not a particular fan of the pair, but they really are both just so pathetic that they belong with each other. Or rather, Bella is the one for Edward. (God, Edward is such a geek.) Plus, Harry is SUCH a hyporcite. He's the one having a bonding ceremony to be young, healthy and always with Jacob, but when Bella wants that with Edward, Harry's all "zOMG, she's such a bitch, what about her friends (that she doesn't have), her mother (who is happily married somewhere in California) or her dad (who has already survived without her for fifteen years) who will all be left behind, and for what? Just because she found true love and will be turned into a vampire sooner or later, why on Earth would she want to do it sooner? Let's get married and be forever young, Jacob."
Then, you quite left the whole occlumency training lying around. What happened to Harry's dark castle? Did he decide that mental training could go screw itself? Yeah, well...
And if there weren't enough topics that irritated me, then the spelling would have done the trick eventually. Sometimes I just had to read with one eye open and squint, so that I wouldn't notice that some sentences weren't structually sound, but did have some meaning to them as soon as I could figure out what word was missing, or what word was *supposed* to be there, or where the sentence should have ended.
I'm sorry for all of this whining, but I just get very anxious to see a good story so mangled by a lot of little mistakes. If you could just correct the spelling at least, it would help everything else blend in.
Thank you for listening my rant, and I thank you for writing this story. I hope this doesn't come off as a flame, I apologize if it sounds too much like it.
| Lynka Read chapter 6 . 2/22/2011
I loved your story.
| freakonaleash605 chapter 6 . 2/19/2011
Hey, great story. I really like how you made Harry in this, you had him progressively get better, and heal from all the trauma in his life in a very believable way. I wish there was a bit more about Harry's relationship with Jasper, but the main thing that confused me is what happened to Remus? He seemed to completely disappear from your story when Harry went to the Cullens, even the letters he wrote weren't mentioned again. I found that a bit odd as they seemed to get closer in the beginning of your story and I would think Remus would be there for Harry through most of this, and if you had had him killed Harry would have a big reaction to it and the letters would still make an appearance.
| 00000909000000 chapter 6 . 2/15/2011
Awww, Harry found a family, Jacob and Harry found each other, and I found your story. So Happiness all around. Thanks for a great story, I loved how you wrote the characters very compelling. Thanks!
| Ottawa gal chapter 6 . 2/13/2011
interesting story : )
| Aiwendil1 chapter 6 . 1/27/2011
I really liked your Harry. The fact that he decided for himself that he needed help and asked for a mind-healer as well as the whole being tired of war thing was displayed well. And also I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of this imprinting and soul mate thing which seems to leave little to no chance to decide for oneself, you at least had the relationship develop slowly and beautifully. Another thing I really liked was your take of the relationship between Edward and Bella. It freaks me that the books and many authors so frequently ignore the fact that she leaves behind a loving if a bit dyfunctional family. And I'm just not able to see Edward giving up his believe that turning her would be stealing her soul and that he therefore would ever do so. Thanks for that!
The only real complain I have is that I would have liked to see more of Jasper as I have to admit a certain fascination for the war veteran-empath-vampire. :) But then, that's just personal preference and the rest was really good.
So thanks a lot for writing this,
| moonprincess97524 chapter 6 . 12/27/2010
Wonderful. I love that you changed Harry's perfession for after his schooling to a mind healer then an Arror(sp?). I also love that Harry wasn't the one to kill Riddle. I really really love that you had Harry get profesional help, that is somthing that I think that he has always needed yet I seldom see writers have it Happen J.K. didn't and that is in my oppinion so very wrong on so many ways. Again this is a wonderful story.
| L chapter 6 . 12/10/2010
Story was amazing
Very well written with great character development
| Tricia chapter 6 . 12/1/2010
You know, you never bring Remus back into the story. Does he die or what? But overall, really good story!
| LadyMoontime chapter 6 . 11/29/2010
I found this story to be quite interesting, and it was certainly a great idea and excellent follow through on all of the themes you continued throughout is to be congratulated. However, i had some serious issues with the grammar and diction, and even spelling. Your story was excellent, don't get me wrong, but i would love to see your work when it's Beta'd. It would make a good story superb. Just PM me if you'd like me to beta your story; it would be an honour.
| The Phoenix Falls chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
This was a great story. I loved the idea so much and I enjoyed how everyone interacted. I wouldn't mind there being a sequel. I want to know what happens after school and in the future...and I want to know if Jacob and Harry will end up with a family of their own one day.
| Inceptions chapter 3 . 11/17/2010
At first I'd wondered why there were so few reviews for this. And now I think I can figure why. You had a pretty solid beginning, though the Jasper relation wasn't quite explained fully; I guess that's where the fudged timelines come in. The grammar falls some times and when it does so in the dialogue, the characters come out plebian. Then Harry's character fluctuate between ooc and in character, and things seemed rather rushed. There was more focus on unecessary events and less on the character development you wanted to present with the progress of the story thus far. Like how you've glossed over Harry's interactions with the Cullens but want us to believe how close they've become. Right now they seem more like they're just his teachers than family.
You know, this has to be the longest and most constructive review I've ever left. Please don't take this as a flame.
| JtheChosen1 chapter 6 . 11/7/2010
Absolutely awesome! Loved reading this!
| Caramel13 chapter 6 . 9/26/2010
damn...this is the story that not only took on a life of it's own, but wouldn't die! Anything that survives not one, but two computer crashes deserves recognition.
Brilliant story, very well thought out...for all that you say it ran away without its outline.
Quite a bit more...fluffy-feeling than I expected, even with all the darkness in it...and I love Jacob. He's one of my favourite twilight characters, figured with a bit of growing up (he has an excuse for childishness, unlike bella) he'd be awesome- which is pretty much what your jacob was like. :)
One thing, double check homophones (y'know, where two words sound similar but are spelt completely differently and have different meanings), quite a few odd mixups in here, including one I've never seen before- Loans and Loins (ch 4) are not only completely different, but are said slightly differently. You also seem to be missing words in a few places (especially in the last chapter); in that example, I think you mean to say "...began to pool near HIS loins"
Also liked how realistic you Bella and Edward were- you're right, the twilight version was just...off.
Anyways, thanks for writing and posting this!