|Reviews for Riot|
| hhh chapter 1 . 2/28
hahahahaha, that was hilarious in many ways and looks like I'm reading about tekken story itself. I love your work and hope u will write more like this one :) it seems like whenever tekken characters are stuck together hilarious things happen.
| Elizabeth chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
| Coolios chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
Lmao really gud as well
| MitsukiEhl chapter 1 . 3/1/2011
that was soooo funny :))
| QueenOfCrazy chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
This is so random and that is what makes it hilarious.
Armour King is hiding behind Panda and Jin just runs in and kicks Kazuya in the balls. That was classic.
I love it!
| Ciel De'Luna chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
love/hate relationships are always funny . l'm glad that you have the same tekken characters together like i do .
| lili chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
haha really good..nothing better than good old tekken comedy!
| Salysha chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
I'll be direct: your writing is funny, but your punctuation is off the mark. I can read and enjoy the fic. I can appreciate the witty banter, but it gets grating after a while when everything reads like a breathless string. So, I'll say a few words on the correctness and save the positive remarks for the end. :)
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You need a LOT more commas, seriously, in both your dialogue and within the rest of the text. I could make do with fewer parentheses, too; they don't really belong in story-writing. Use a mall letter after the speech tag ("she said" and "he growled"). At the opening, it should probably read "The Iron Fist [fighters'] lounge" and "You should be used to losing to [the Kazamas] by now[,] shouldn't you?" Later on, "[Guys,] stop fighting[;]you're destroying the place!"
Examples of corrections:
"uncharacteristic [of] the young Korean[,] but currently[,] he had a mission[,] and he wasn't going to be stopped from reaching his goal"
"Asuka[,] you've really gone out of your way to embarrass yourself today[,] haven't you?" Lili giggled.
"It would be my pleasure[,] you cheater," Hwoarang hissed.
Asuka tightened her grip on the Korean's wrist at the name ["cheater"] before pulling him in for a kiss.
"This is my fight[,] blondie[. B]uzz off" Hwoarang commanded.
In the last example, either use a period or a semi-colon (;) between the sentences Hwoarang says. They are two separate ideas, and you cannot string them together with a comma (,). If you do, you get a run-on sentence. Other commas to add: every time you have a personal name followed by "who" and before the word "but" and every time you address a person by name or title (use commas before and after). Look up how to use the em dash, so you don't have to have the current ensemble of hyphens and parentheses. Always use finishing punctuation: add the period (full stop) inside the quotation marks. ("Aww.") It comes across as careless and looks messy if you don't.
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Good stuff, then. :) I liked the fic best when you had just three characters making a hassle between themselves; mainly with Asuka and Hwoarang having a go at each other and Lili throwing in a quip or few. There were so many characters here that the result could have been very hard to read, but you did a good job at keeping the writing clear. The only line where I wasn't sure who was talking was one of Armor King's, but I got the hang of that with another glance.
The "orangeness" comments rang funny and, as said, the girls' ill feeling was smoothly. "You're as ginger as I am pretty!" Heh heh, Lili walked right into that one, didn't she? "Not you," he groaned, he gestured at Asuka. "Her." An easy mistake, isn't it?
Overall, the quips and the retorts were the forte. There were lots of mistakes, I say in all honest, but the writing was easy to follow and didn't drag at any point. With such a number of fighters included, you really deserve points for keeping the plot as clear as you did. Well done on that! The humor was slapstick, but it felt to me pretty good-natured, ergo, funny. If this were Heihachi's ending, I think it would end with the building collapsing on the bunch of them, but really, they would have "brought it on themselves," would they? ;)
| babycakesninja chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Very well done :) I love this one-shot, it gets me in the mood for fighting ;D Armour King had me laughing non-stop, oh you gotta love the guy ;3 It's very cute, Gerkyhen. Good Job.
| Ghostsammeo chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Hahahaha Jin, as little in it as he was the most funniest in an overall very funny fic. Kudos to you, it's always exciting when all the tekken characters are in a room together seeing as at least 3/4 of them each have their own rival. Anyway the romance was good and Asuka and Hwoarang were in character perfectly.
Armour King hiding was funny and the only thing I can ask you to do is do more Tekken oneshots! (Though this story by itself with all the characters together would be a pretty great chaptered story)
| TheCoolOne chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO
Yeah love for the giners cuz I'm ginger! XD