|Reviews for The Girl Who Became A Self Insert|
| SmileRen chapter 14 . 10/19/2015
-gives a screech of joy- This is so freaking awesome! XD
Please, please update soon :D
| JellybeanFox chapter 14 . 8/9/2015
I really like this fic. I think it's really cool how you managed to create a new weapon of sorts, and I can't help but wonder whats in store for Cassie and the 'exsphere'. I really hope this gets updated soon!
| Thunder Explosion chapter 14 . 6/11/2015
Yeah, I really hope you change the trend of uploading chapters every time you get older too lol.
| Snow Nine chapter 14 . 5/26/2015
Hello! i am loving your story. Please keep it up. .
| llat-2 chapter 14 . 5/11/2015
Thanks for the update.
| one skittle chapter 14 . 5/10/2015
don't fuck the bears D:
| Brightcloud0915 chapter 14 . 5/10/2015
I can't wait for the next chapter.
| kenegi chapter 14 . 5/10/2015
Oh hay you're back~ Is it possible to channel healing spell through your gun? If so you can pull the Imma kill you trick only to heal your team. Or scare someone by shooting them with it.
| Shiro-Sumi chapter 13 . 12/1/2014
Interesting SI. Not too OP which is always a good thing in my books.
| someguy chapter 6 . 10/24/2014
late to the party take #2. It's commonly agreed on that Desians... didn't use guns. Of any variety I'm not speaking this as something I know but every other author I've seen has claimed they did not use guns. If memory serves they did use something reminiscent of a small crossbow for long range combat but I haven't played the game in awhile.
| someguy chapter 3 . 10/22/2014
Late to the party as usual but I don't think they actually had glasses in Symphonia. Sorry couldn't help but through it out there considering Genis instantly knew what she needed. Also two WHY does noone ever end up spewing the fact that ToS is a game when they are seeing the characters right in front of them an in a mixture of shock and confusion? If I were in this kind of state I would spew the entire plot!
| DAve and Bob chapter 13 . 6/20/2014
Doing a First person view, I think it is somewhat okay to go crazy with descriptions talking, or even talking somewhat immature. If it was in third person I would be far less willing to let some of it go, but in first person it makes some sense since you are seeing it in the view of the main character who may or may not say such things.
As for the fight scene it's fine, to say the least. It is hard enough to do a battle with more than two people, let alone with a group on one side, and it would be an absolute nightmare to have two different groups of main fighters going at one another. Which is a shame that the first two seal guardians are group fights if you go the normal path.
As for the person below, constitutive criticism is far more useful than just saying it sucks. Give reasons why you dislike something and say how they can fix it, I will say that the caps and the constant thiiiis can grate somewhat since there are plenty of more elegant ways to display accent or drawn vowels and contestants.
In some languages () can be used when someone wants to drawn out a certain word. If you want to show a character yelling or freaking out either bold or simply putting an (!) mark at the end of the statement is good enough to get the point across.
I usually try to not mention other series outside of the tales of series in verse, at least not to a large amount simply due to the fact it can create a detachment from the reader to the work. SI can probably get away with mentioning something in their head or mentioning something as their favorite song, but usually that's it.
A shout out that doesn't specifically mention the series by name is also good, as it doesn't alienate the people who don't know the series in reference while those who do get it get an extra bonus by being in the loop.
Any story can be good, and very rarely how a story starts is an indication on where it will lead and how it does. The meteor style is pretty popular, (Though it's a pretty simple way to start a story, I personally wouldn't use it, but it does carry a certain charm to it,) But the meat of any story is character interaction and how your character changes and they themselves change what's around them.
This is FanFiction after all, going a little wild will help, as good as subtle stories are the wild ones can be just as fun.
One thing I have noticed is that Cassie isn't really doing much, I don't mean in combat, but just in terms of story. This is why I personally avoid just inserting a OC with the main plot of the characters, it's hard to do without them stealing the show of the original story, and it would be easier just for them to find lesser used characters and go with them (Of course this is opinion and some of the best fics on this site and this fandom does just that,)
Remember, if you having difficulties writing situations for different characters don't be afraid to split off from the normal path.
Don't skip too many details, (Sometimes this is necessary for someone following the games plot so closely due to the nature of it.) And it's still acceptable to just have a short paragraph of what happened. I personally hate cutting to a different scene in the middle of the chapter, to the point I would rather end the chapter short than having that kind of transition. (This is personal preference,) With that said, try not to cut more than once or twice per chapter, even if you have to write an extra paragraph of description. It's far more natural and less jarring.
With that said you descriptions are good, they aren't lacking when used, and I will even say you probably have more than I do.
And as someone who actually read a lot of books and short stories, the way the story is narrated is consistent, even if I personally would prefer less screams and rants like things. This is a first person view fic, and one of the greatest challenges of writing something in first person is keeping a consistent tone with the narrator.
You are given far more leniency with third person, as the tone can be consistent or change do to the mood of the scene. It can be somewhat snarky all the time or some of the time, because the voice isn't a person but rather someone giving you details.
With all that said, this is probably the longest review I have ever given, mostly due to the fact that if someone says something is bad I want them to give more details about it (With that said I never gotten a flame for anything I wrote, and some of the crap deserved it,)
As for the fic itself...it's alright, but I'm not too into SI, and would much prefer an OC with connections to the world. Plus I put more stake in an original premiss than perfect writing, so just by the nature of your story it wouldn't be my most enjoyable. But if someone likes SI, you're writing is fine. I'd say you're writing is decent and actually would be really good if you left out some of the capslock and other annoyances, especially compared to the people who have rows of dialog, never separate when characters are speaking and give so little detail you really don't know where they are and what they are doing. (I'm guilty of that in my earlier works, and sometimes even now,)
| DrakeRise chapter 2 . 5/24/2014
i'm sorry but...
'Do not follow in my footsteps. i walk into trees and off the occasional cliff.'
i laughed so hard reading this chapter.
| RyouFuchiKyou chapter 13 . 5/23/2014
I hoped by skipping to your new chapter you had matured as a writer. You're nineteen. Congrats. Now please stop. You need to think you SI's head of time. its been two years, and its time to rewrite it. Hell get a PS3 and buy Symphonia Chronicles. You really don't know what you're doing, dude.
| RyouFuchiKyou chapter 1 . 5/23/2014
Please no. Another bad fan-girl fan fiction. I'm not making it past chapter one. Tip. Don't right like some junior high student if you want to make a good story. Stop writing fangirlish Narutard nonsense and caps locking into oblivion. Do you realize how many other people have used the same entry method as you? How terribly you've just started? Man, I really need to start my own storyline, but don't have the will too. I'm sick of seeing crap like this on here and people liking it. Honestly, the people reviewing this and saying they are impressed should be ashamed. Frankly, you need to go out and read a few books before coming back here. Like be honest, would you really recognize them? Doubtful.
Man I'm tired of reading trash on here. You can consider this flaming and block me, but all you will do is admit you're not willing to improve or even think while you write.