Reviews for Forgiveness The Story of Madeleine Cahill
M c chapter 1 . 7/25/2014
It is great
dorylover chapter 51 . 3/23/2014
Hey there, so okay... what to say? It was an interesting take in the 39 Clues. And Edward is such a nice guy it killed me when you killed him off. But Maddie has got some moves! That was cool, on the other hand, the last ten or so chaps confused the heck out of me and some details you put in there just didn't add up in my mind. Also, I was having difficulty reading the story fluidly when you put large amounts of dialouge between the actual story part. Or even small amounts (I have a short attention span, sorry, nothing I can do about that). Maybe, if you're editing it, you could cu down on the dialogue? Would make for much smoother reading in my opinion. So, even for all those not so nice things I said (sorry if you take offense, just a reader giving her thoughts) the story was refreshing. I've see a lot of Ian/Amy stories and I liked how yours was different from all the rest. Nice job! Oh, and I apologize for the long review, not exactly intentional, just kind of happened.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww chapter 3 . 9/14/2013
poptropica.1997 chapter 4 . 11/9/2012
Wow. And I'm only on chapter 4! You spent a lot of time and work on this. It is fantastic. I do have to say that Luke reminds me a lot about the Kabras. Especially Ian. Great story so far.
ClearMortality chapter 50 . 10/10/2012
1. I was merely browsing through the archives, looking for a story to read when I saw this one. I must say though, the summary does the story no justice but there's no need to change it.
2. Truth be told, I can't understand what it was that made me continue reading. Perhaps it was the thrill of knowing things, or the curiosity. But if I had to choose though, I'd have to say it's the plot itself. Predictable yet at the same unexpected, unknown yet loved, unexplored yet it seems so familiar. I bet I'm confusing you now, aren't I? Sorry... It's a good question though; what made me keep on reading...
3. I don't really have any parts which I have problems with... so, to answer your question, no improvements are necessary for this story.
4. Thinking about it, I guess I'd change that part where Luke and Lucas saw each other again near the end. I would have preferred a longer exchange of dialogues there but what's done is done, nothing I can do about it.
5. Yes, most definitely yes. I'm kinda glad I read it after the story's completion. That way, I won't easily forget what happened in the previous chapter/s.
6. Nope. These questions aren't stupid. They could help you afterall in improving the rest of your stories and seeing as this story has a sequel, the questions can help further in the plot making. So no, these questions are NOT stupid and they are entirely reasonable.
7. Once again, yes.
8. Oh most DEFINITELY! 'Happy' doesn't even cover the emotions I feel right now.
9. I think I already did... I remember posting the link somewhere... If that was a dream, then I'll just the link again :))
10. Ahh, last question. you're asking for a rating on a scale of one to ten eh? Normally, I'd say 11 but I don't think you'd appreciate me not following so I'd give the story a full 10. It has captured my heart and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to think about the founders in the same way. Although you will have to forgive me if I still choose the original plot line placed by the authors of the 39 clues. I'd pick that one, yes, but i prefer yours ;)

I hope this helped you in one way or another.
ClearMortality chapter 20 . 10/10/2012
Sappy? I don't think 'sappy' can be applied to this chapter. Yes, it was about which most people call sappy but... the chapter had charisma in it. It had that raw emotion of pain, heartbreak and love. I believe this is only the start, no? i look forward to reading more.
ClearMortality chapter 49 . 10/10/2012
FINALLY finished reading it all. I'm amazed it reach 49 chapters! o.o Forgiveness is TRULY a beautiful and well written story. I have to admit I was a bit wary about reading this since it was so long and was about the five founders who, to be honest, I had not really paid attention to before now. Wouldn't it be great if the real plot about the founders was based on this story? So now it's off to the sequel, I guess. Hope it's a good as this one, if not better. I'm also sorry for not reviewing the others chapters. My laziness got the better of me.

One thing that Forgiveness was able to do which other stories have not? Forgiveness made me cry more than 5 times in the first 10 chapters. That, in itself, shows how emotional the words were and how beautiful written they were as well. Very few stories can make me cry as much as your story did and when they do, well, it shows that the plot and the wording were well done and well thought of.

I sincerely hope the sequel could get as long as this one and that it'll be just as great. Forgiveness brought a new light to me... it made me focus not just on the main characters but also on the subordinating characters who are equally important. I don't think I'll be able to look at a copy of Vesper's Rising anymore without thinking of your story. Both plots are so different yet so good!

Hope to read more soon
ClearMortality chapter 7 . 10/7/2012
This chapter made me cry. It's so unfair that JUST because Madeleine's a girl, she's forbidden to do the thing she likes :'(
ClearMortality chapter 4 . 10/7/2012
Oh god, this chapter made me cry and laugh and feel the love and all that sappy emotions a fourteen-yeal-old could feel. You have a nice way of writing things. I wish I could have the same style or at least... the charisma found in the words.
Guest chapter 32 . 7/26/2012
Just finished chapter 32. I almost cried. The last time that happened was in third grade. I'm in 8th. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
Rainbow Evening chapter 51 . 5/27/2012
I love this story!It's one of the best I have read.10/10 for it!
Koraki chapter 3 . 3/17/2012
You need to watch your "it's" and "its" here. I see some confusion in one paragraph in particular...

In any case, I've reconciled my problems with the chatbox-type conversations by deciding to simply ignore them. They were becoming far too annoying to read through, if you'll pardon my frankness. Hopefully they don't contain information relevant to the plot...

This chapter was confusing, yet intriguing as well. I can't wait to find out who exactly Edward is, and what those serums do, and...well, and the background of this entire chapter. I must admit that I'm not really concerned about whether this Edward character is dead or not, since he was only just introduced - if you want people to sympathize with a character after just a chapter, they'll need a bit more background and personality than you gave Ed. That being said, as already stated, I am curious what happens next to this nice fellow and Madeleine, who is apparently...a ghost...? That's what I got from this chapter, anyways.

One final question that bugged me: Why is Ed using Google to find out facts and CNN tokeep tabs on Lucians? Especially in regards to the latter, don't Cahills tend to have their own, better equipment, and wouldn't that include websites? Also, don't Cahills try to keep the details of their problems concealed from the news? Of course, this is assuming that Ed is a full-fledged Cahill; if he's just a child or not even a Cahill, he wouldn't have access to a special website or database, so in that case please disregard those questions.

I look forward to R&Ring the next chapter as soon as I can! :-)
levesques chapter 50 . 1/13/2012
Wow, I finished this days ago but I couldn't review...sorry. :O

I'm proud to say that I finished this wonderfully written story in 4 days, and I will review on this chapter.

Overall, the plot was brilliant. This was a real and clever use of imagination. Way to go, Lappy.

Second, putting the italics in the story was great. Hilarious, and kept me smiling throughout my reading.

There were some technical mistakes, but then you're busy writing Termination. Can't wait to read that.

I loved everything about the story except the part on how you killed Maddie. It didn't seem like her kind of ending.

My favorite characters were actually Luke, Maddie, and Edward. They did a good job in the story.

I'm very proud of you, Lappy. This is, as I believe, the longest story in the archive. Your patience with this story has me amazed.

It's also a founders story. Very good influence. We get to see your opinion on how everything started. Scholastic would love to see this. Brilliant work.

At first, I couldn't understand why you named this "Forgiveness". As I read this to the finish, I began to understand.

I'm sorry to say I didn't cry in any of the chapters. But that doesn't mean I didn't feel the sadness in the deaths.

I am not surprised this was nominated in the Madrigal Awards. I think I was already a member, but I voted for a different story. Oh yeah, I voted TPWSTM. xDD

I really love the ending. I was so touched by the part she saw Edward again. I felt like saying, "OMG. This is so sweet," but my parents are asleep and would kill me for being up after midnight on a school day. xDD

And now, I must answer the questionnaire.

1. Why did you click on Forgiveness in the first place?

Lots of reasons, auntie. One, you asked me to read it. Two, I had seen it on the Madrigal Awards, and considered taking a look some other time. Three, I wanted to read a founders story.

2. What made you keep reading the story?

The plot was very interesting. And the feeling of guessing what happened next was killing me. (oh an I promised I'd finish this for you)

3. What was the part you thought could be most improved?

I guess it was Maddie's death. Just that.

4. What would you have changed if you were the author/me? (Ex., Not created Lucas / Killed Madeleine differently / Not created Edward.)

Killing Madeleine differently, keeping Lucas out of the chat box, just that.

5. When you were reading the story, was the plotline enough to keep you on your toes?


6. Are these questions entirely stupid?

Of course not.

7. Did Forgiveness change the way you looked at the founders?

Oh yes, now you mention it, it does.

8. Are you happy that you read Forgiveness?

Very happy. I'm very proud that I finished this.

9. Would you mention Forgiveness to your friends to read?

I mention it everyday, Lappy. I tell people to read it even if they'd never read the series.

10. On a scale of 1-10, what would you give Forgiveness as a whole?

I would give this an 8.5 because there's room for improvement on the technical details.

I love you for making me read and finish this. Thanks, Lapulta.

All hail the queen of the founders. ~

~Emmy :D
Koraki chapter 2 . 10/30/2011
This one is better than the first. - I didn't understand the part with the window, though...what was going on there...?

In regards to mechanics, you have a few mistakes spattered hither and yon, but nothing too drastic.

The characters were okay. Olivia is annoying. I really don't like the way she's characterized in this fic, but I suppose I'll just have to shut my trap and get used to it, no?

Would they be celebrating birthdays at this time? The time period that birthdays began to be celebrated as opposed to name days slips my mind. I guess it doesn't really matter.

Maddy is still Sueish. :/ I would feel sorry for her, but it seems as if she's angsting without reason. She's better than Jane at music? She helps everyone do everything so it turns out well? She's the only person everyone gets along with? Icky, icky. Oh, and why are Maddy and Luke in italics (that's them, right?) behaving like giddy modern-day teenage girls on a sugar high? It's extremely annoying. The italics last chapter were funny and well-written...this chapter, no-just-no. -_-

Besides those details, though, I like how you're slowly developing a storyline. I wish I liked the protagonist better, but she reminds me of Dovewing from the Warriors series: a borderline Sue who angsts about her powers too much to be likeable. Of course, Dovewing improved fairly drastically as her story progressed; hopefully this will be the case with Mads.

I look forward to continuing my R&Ring of this fanfic!
Koraki chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
Okay, well, here I am. It'll take me forever to finish this, but I thought I might as well start now. ;) Let's begin with mechanics notes, then move on to story and character formation, then finally my own opinions. 83

The "would of" mistakes bother me; that's really awful grammar. xD However, besides some random capitalization problems, that's really it. I didn't notice anything that was off in regards to timeline - besides the language, of course, but we've already fought that out, haha. I would have liked it better if you'd at least kept to a more formal way of speech, but that's just a little pet peeve of mine. Shouldn't detract from my enjoyment of the story, unless you start using "gosh", "darn", "heck", "y'all", "you guys", etc. That will be a bit much for me.

Now is where it gets harsher. Just warning you.

I wish you could've bothered to study a spot of biology before writing about a newborn baby. Infant Madeleine looks like a character who either is a Sue, or whose author just didn't care, or both. Humans' eyes are /blue/ directly after birth, and they stay that way for a few months...something to do with the melanin in the eyes, I think. Madeleine's focusing is a little screwy too...newborns /can/ focus, but it's not always super easy for them, as their eye muscles are still developing. And Maddy's rolling over and imitating Luke just completely crosses the line from ignorable blunderings to just plain...ignorant. Babies don't roll over by themselves until they're 4-7 months old, and I could go on a rant about the developing nervous system and how this is relevant to SIDS, but I won't. Then the mimicking...infants are usually a few weeks old at the very least before they start that. Sooo... This distinctly disenchanted me with your story. Hopefully you'll become more biologically accurate as the fic progresses. -

Now. Mad's name. I don't understand the rambling about the stars. The name "Madeleine" sounds nothing like "Ursa Minor", and it means "woman of Magdala" or "magnificent". Olivia would probably be intelligent enough to know this. Why not pick a name that means "star" such as Esther, Estel, Stella, Marianella, Sitara, or Seren, and make it her middle name? (fun fact: "Vespera" is a girl's name meaning "evening star" in Esperanto) Or, how about a name meaning "bear", like Arcadia, Bernadine, Bernarde, Ursina, or Ursula? The last one actually means "little she-bear". I'm a bit upset at this aspect of the story, as it not only makes Olivia look like a ditz, it yet again underscores the fact that you didn't do your research, something that is /vital/ for all stories, /especially/ stories in this archive.

Finally, I'll address the most annoying part in this fanfic: one-year-old Maddy. Ohhh lordy, where do I start? There are so many things wrong with her - her perfect coordination, her unbelievable intelligence and coherence, her conversational skills - if infant-Maddy simply crossed the line, toddler Maddy broke the sound barrier going over the same line and a dozen more. She screams "Mary-Sue" at me. I don't even want to go into why it's basically impossible for a one-year-old to behave the way she does, because it would take me too long.

There was one other thing that niggled at me - Gideon sounded like a misogynist or something in the beginning, where he was all disappointed about his girl baby. That seemed rather OOC to me, even without taking Vespers Rising into account.

Okay, now that I'm done picking through your biological accuracy with a fine-toothed comb, on to what I liked about the story!

First of all... Luke. CanonLuke is my favorite Cahill sibling, and LapultaLuke is shaping up to be that for me as well. He's so cute. I can't wait to find out who this Lucas fellow is...another Cahill sibling, perhaps? A cousin? An uncle? Hmm. It sounds like he left/betrayed the family, whoever he is. Jerk. xD

Secondly, the person in the italics. LC. Hopefully that doesn't mean "Lapulta Cahill" - I dislike self-inserts - but it may stand for Luke or Lucas, though it sounds as if a girl is writing. Either way, (s)he has an amusing voice. I approve.

Lastly, I appreciate the fact that this was the first Madeleinefic ever. I adore trailblazers. :3

Whew! There, that's my first review of this thing done. :) Hope I didn't come off as too much of a perfectionist. I'll return with more "words of wisdom", as it were, ASAP. xP Might not end up being that soon...then again, it might be tonight. We'll see~
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