|Reviews for The Pit|
| w- easy enough chapter 6 . 1/14/2011
sooo cute! _ This has definitely gotten me into the Ranma fanfiction genre.
| Wordlurker chapter 6 . 11/30/2010
I don't dare to even begin to speculate exactly what is going on here, but its been pretty interesting so far.
[ADDING TO STORY ALERT]
| DaisukiFox chapter 6 . 11/28/2010
That last scene was... amazing! With Ranma and Ryoga and Ryoga seeming to have a reaction just stunned me! My RanmaXRyoga side is getting all giddy again.
Ah... I feel like a small side of me feels full and makes me wanna' get to my own writing. Infact, I'm gonna' do so much writing.
Please don't reply to this and extinguish the idea of having a possible RanmaXRyoga pairing!
Foxes from the Foxxy...
| LadyKatherine29 chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
This was really sweet. Ranma seems to be getting better slowly but surly. He's much better off now than with that moron gone. I'm liking the interactions with Mousse, Shampoo, and Ryoga a lot. Ryoga is really doing very well. He would make an excellent parent. He's got the sprit for it. A very nice update. chibi Mousse is a bit of an ass. but he should grow out of it once he gets his butt kicked more. Colonge has been pretty much what I thought she would be. Had she meet Ranma at such a young age. This has been a lot of fun to read, and I thank you for posting it.
| Hilaire chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
I certainly did not expect to see Mousse, but oh well. I guess where Shampoo is, where Mousse will be, too. What surprised me most is that he’s a heckload stronger here than in canon; the last time I saw Ranma was years ago, but I think he’s weaker than Shampoo. To think he’ll beat Ranma AND Shampoo combined – err, that’s just off. I wonder what’s with these changes? I’ve a feeling it has something to do with the plot.
On another note I have to say I had a bit of trouble figuring out Ranma’s form in the first half of the chapter. You use ‘he’ even when he’s in her she-form, and that makes it quite hard to follow; it needs very careful read to really get the ‘displacing the red fringe’, especially since it was preceded by the ‘he’ pronoun also referring to Ranma.
I don’t know if anyone else has asked this, but is Ryoga cursed? Is that to going to be important in the subsequent chapters? I kinda hope he isn’t; Ranma being cursed is complicated enough for a five-year-old to handle, me thinks. ;)
I adore the last part; Ranma said ‘love you’! I understand it’s just him (or her, I dunno) being the sweet kid that he is, but it still has me squeeing my heart out over the whole thing.
I suck at forming my own theories, and I honestly can’t speculate anything at this point. The more I know, the less I know, and the more I get confused. I’m so very clueless even after six chapters, but I guess I should tell you that it’s an exhilarating experience for me. I write my own fan fictions with their own twists, and like you I love it when my readers try to figure out where the story is heading. Now I find myself going through just that, as a reader of your story, and I feel it’s both exciting and frustrating at the same time. See I’ve always had this theory that writers steal their readers’ ability to think – at least of the possible twists the story has to offer. As a reader instead of the writer this time around, I think this is strengthening that argument of mine, no matter how silly that sounds. XD
Looking forward to your next update!
| Hilaire chapter 5 . 11/27/2010
Aha, now I see some changes in the way young Ranma is thinking of things. How terribly interesting. This time around he’s pretty open-minded about gender and sex; and he even thinks that he’d stick with the form he prefers! At the same time I think it’s… weird, since if he’s so open to changing his gender, then it’s possible that spending time with Ryoga (no matter how paternal he is!) will introduce bias to his decision AND THEN prompt him to choose being a girl instead of a guy.
But I guess I’m getting way ahead of myself thinking this.
The little talk about Genma and his attempts at being both a father and a trainer to Ranma is very interesting. I never really thought badly of the guy, although he can be quite the arse even in canon (I mean, marrying off your son to practically everyone’s daughters, geez). Still, very insightful how you portrayed both the goods and the bads in what he does to Ranma; I think it’s very important in determining the direction of Ranma’s development as a person and as… a man. :)
Ranma is way smarter than he might think. Just his curiosity is enough proof of that.
Going back to Genma, well I haven’t the faintest idea what that guy is on, but it’s definitely something big. Cologne says there’s ‘very little left of him’; I wonder what she means by that. In any case Ranma bringing him back is a bit too much; Ranma is just five, geez!
The biggest question bothering me is what Ryoga’s role is in all of this? If he came from the future then this must mean something is happening there that can be resolved by going back to the past. Or something. Ah, I confuse myself. ;)
| Hilaire chapter 4 . 11/27/2010
I don't think the theory of compossibility exactly involves the works of general quantum theory; it just provides an insight on how we can explain the paradoxes that comes together with the possibility of traveling back to the past. It's more of a philosophical look at why even when a person travels back in time, it won't be possible for him to change the course of events, because changing them will procure inconsistencies with the future from which he came.
I was thinking you were using this theory, since in the previous chapter it was quite obvious Ryoga did not want Ranma falling into any spring (or at least not yet, haha). The description of how that bamboo stalk suddenly appeared out of nowhere, causing Ranma to fall, indicates some force of the universe must be in the working here, to make things happen. Ranma's falling into the spring is consistent with the future in such a way that Ranma is cursed to be a girl - even when Ryoga tries to keep him from being so.
Aw, somehow I pity Ranma having to be cursed at such a young age. He's only five, and I'm sure the warring ideas of being a Man Amongst Men and being cursed to be a girl must be giving him a whole lot of headache. It's not that I don't trust him to be able to handle this (he's Ranma, geez!), but of course it must still be... something really confusing for a kid like himself.
I found the conversation between Ryoga and Cologne very insightful. It showed Cologne's... err, 100 years worth of knowledge, as well as Ryoga's obvious care for Ranma. I'm still holding onto my theory about Ryoga going back in time to alter Ranma's childhood, maybe. I think it's more of the catfist training that Ryoga is preventing Ranma from going through. Although if he DOES successfully keep it from happening, does this necessarily change the future Ryoga belongs to?
The 'sweetheart' endearment is getting... weird for comfort. Just saying.
| Rose1948 chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
Some things ARE easier to do when you're around people you trust. ::nods::
Nice chapter. Rather difficult to figure out whether Ranma's in boy or girl mode, however, so it was a bit frustrating. Still enjoyable, however. ::chuckles::
Thanks for sharing.
| Hilaire chapter 3 . 11/27/2010
I had fun reading Ranma and Shampoo's interaction. It was very believable, and I think you captured Ranma's and Shampoo's egos, together with their clashing ideas about the roles of male and female in society. I think it's very important that Ranma sees things from a different perspective while he's young; this way he'd have something to fall back on in the future, when things get more complicated than Genma claims them to be. I AM very glad he did not beat Shampoo, since that will be TOO complicated even for Ranma to be bound to marry her at some later date. ;)
What I was most surprised to read was how it was through his little fight with Shampoo that he ended up in Jusenkyo. Time-traveling is the main concept of this fic, so I think this is a play with what the theories say about all of the universe conspiring to make the present truth the truth - even when one travels back in time in hopes of altering it? There's a name for this theory; I just forget what it is.
The spirit of Akane - or whoever she really is - confuses me to a certain extent. How can she be there before she drowns? She's already claimed a spring as hers before drowning? Does this mean she's time traveling, too? But then she's already a spirit; does this mean spirits can also time travel...? I think I'm not making any sense anymore, haha.
On another note, what I liked most about the scene including herself and Ranma was how she reminded him that there's more to being 'Man Amongst Men'; that's what most important are those 'girly' stuff that Ranma claim them to be.
Aha, I think I'm starting to figure out why Ryoga went back to the time Ranma was younger. I think it's to prevent Ranma from falling into the spring of the drowned girl, since it's obvious from his reaction when Ranma told him about a girl that he didn't like it one bit. Although that doesn't make much sense; if he and Ranma are going to end up together in the future, why the hell should he keep him (err, her) from falling into the spring?
I giggle at the subtle jealousy of Ryoga Hibiki. XD
All right, I definitely have to look up the name of that specific time traveling theory. *drops by Google really quick* Ah, there; it's the theory of compossibility, which I've been making research on myself, for my own fan fiction. I'm guessing this is how I can interpret why Ranma is falling into the spring all over again, although this breaks several specified rules of the theory. Regardless, it still works, since it seems the universe Ranma is in makes him end up how he should, according to the existing fact that Ryoga and the spirit Akane must know.
| Hilaire chapter 2 . 11/27/2010
Interesting chapter; I did not expect for Cologne or Shampoo to make an appearance this early. What's most curious about the whole thing is that I'm not sure if Cologne knows *knows* Royga; it wasn't directly stated whether that old lady knows what's despite the fact that in the first chapter we've already seen how Ryoga used Bakusai Tenketsu/breaking point technique, which I know Ryoga learned from Cologne herself.
I can't put my finger on it, but something's very amiss in this chapter. I just can't figure out what exactly, and that bothers me, haha, since I know it fits there somewhere in the plot you're scheming in your head. Regardless that, your chapters still have that quality that makes me want to just read without stopping for a review - but then I'm generous, so here's one.
As I side note, I should like to point out how you should change the chapter titles in the drop down menu. The bland 'chapter X' labels don't do justice to the titles of each chapter of this story. :)
| Hilaire chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
I've been curious about this story after finishing Happily Married (which I still haven't completed reviewing, BTW; do expect a heap of reviews once December hits), although I never really got around to reading it because of my cramped scholastic schedule. Now that I have read the first chapter, I'm most thankful that I made time for it; it's a very interesting beginning you have here! It's really something you'd expect from the author of Happily Married. ;)
I love your characterization of the young Ranma. I think you did an excellent job in portraying him young AND still very canon. He almost sounds childish, but you balance him out by giving him the stubbornness that's so characteristically him; it reminds me, just when I almost forget, that he's no more than a little kid in this story.
I like the vagueness of Ryoga's description, and his apparent maturity which is definitely not canon. It makes me wonder who exactly he is, and what part he'll play in this young Ranma's life. I've not many questions at this point, but I think it's safe for me to conclude that Ryoga must be a sort of time traveler here? It's very suspicious how he calls Ranma 'Ranma' even before our beloved martial artist introduces himself. (And the sweetheart endearment, too, at which I nearly snicker. Obviously he and Ranma must have some relationship in some distant future where he belongs to.)
Likewise, Genma's sudden disappearance strikes me as too convenient, and I'm sure it'll explain a lot about what's happening to Ranma... and Ryoga. It also seems like Ryoga gets worked up at the slightest mention of Genma...
I don't believe I can throw in ideas for this story (I'm still trying to figure out my own fan fiction that includes time travelling, haha, and those damn theories that settle paradoxes still make my head spin), but I'm sure your other readers will have brilliant ones to toss you. Overall it's been a fabulous read, and I'm thankful for the chapter length. It's descriptive without being too much, since you included only the fine details that add to the mystery that surrounds the story.
| Zorknot chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
A few things in this chapter really tripped me up. You have Ranma pouring water in a garden and have him worry about "burning" the cabbage. Maybe this is a gardening thing that I don't know about or something, but I don't see how he would be in danger of burning cabbage with a bucket of water.
More vexing, at one point you describe Ranma as lifting a "red fringe" out of his eyes. This made me think he was in girl mode, and yet because you don't change pronouns to fit the forms I wasn't sure. And because Ranma fights with Mousse and it's rather important to know which sex he is...It really took me out of the story. Maybe some more description? Maybe this is a nano thing and you'll edit it out later.
Speaking of Mousse, I don't really know where he's coming from. How much is the same and how much is different? Because in canon he never beat Shampoo in duels and Shampoo was always mocking him. And WHY is it different? Why is he so much more of a jerk? In canon, he's a jerk because he's overly obsessed with defeating Shampoo, now he's just a bully. It doesn't make sense to me.
I think you got a little sloppy with this chapter and maybe you need to slow down a little. Still looking forward to where this is going, but for me it's like the image on the screen is getting garbled and pixelated.
| Nayeli chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
awww, i loved the last part, i really like this fic! _
Great chapter, i really want to find out what's next! :B
| Immatrael chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
And we have changes. Mousse is stronger than he should be, canonically - Shampoo was easily able to beat him at the age of three in the manga. And that last part... something familiar. Perhaps... hmm. Maybe this is Ranma de-aged? Or Ryouga isn't the only person who's come back in time?
Also, while it seems like Ryouga's dislike of the village is because of the malebad thing, I got hints of something... I dunno, deeper than that. Most confuzilating.
As for the chapter itself;
Ranma/Shampoo friendship: Aww.
Wisdom dispensed in Mandarin lessons: Squee!
"I love you.": D'aaaawwwwww! Squeeeee! *turns into chibi and does celebratory flag dance*
| Diren chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
In what form was Ranma in this chapter, male or female?
I beg leave keys in any form Ranma is at the moment. For example when Ranma girl - Onna Ranma, Ranma-chan, or write she and not he.
Understand me. This is very annoying.